DieselDecent

2006-10-12T22:01:00.001-04:00

ECW 10/03/06
I’m going to try writing my reviews this way: bullet points for what happened, then opinions at the end. We’ll see if I like it or not. I don’t care that much if you don’t like it.
Hardcore Holly and Paul Heyman watch footage from last week when Holly got injured. Holly demands to wrestle but Paul wont let him due to the injury. Holly threatens Heyman only to get knocked down from a chairshot to the back by Test.
Opening of the show.
Sandman and Sabu vs. Matt Striker and the Big Show. Striker and Show win.
Kelly Kelly and Trinity promote the Extreme Strip Poker on next week’s ECW. They call their breasts “aces” and a “full house” respectively. Yes, its ironic to use respectively in that description.
Kevin Thorn (with Ariel) vs. Tommy Dreamer. Thorn wins after hitting Dreamer in the temple with Thorn’s Goth walking stick.
A Marine trailer is played.
Maria promotes Extreme Strip Poker. She tells us that the superstars have instructed her to throw away anything that matches because then, “everyone wins”.
CM Punk vs. Danny Doring. Punk wins, no surprise. After the match Kelly Kelly gets Punk’s attention and starts to dance for him. Mike Knox (Kelly’s boyfriend) comes out and stops her, then issues a warning to Punk. Punk in so many words tells Knox that Kelly wants Punk and if Knox cant deal with it then bring it. Knox runs to the ring to bring it, but its never brought. He walks away to continue the story until next week.
Ashley and Kristal promote the Extreme Strip Poker. Ashley looks horrible for some reason, too much makeup is my guess.
Extreme Rules Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Test. Paul Heyman and his private security (the Basham brothers under riot gear) come to the ring right after Test goes through a table. Test throws RVD to the floor where the Bashams attack him. Test wins after Big Show knocks RVD off the top rope and through a table.

It’s amazing how much fit into this hour long show. As terrible as the new ECW was when it started its really becoming something good, but there are still problems. Not only does Danny Doring need to either get into better shape or be fired, but its time for Punk to have some challenging matches. Unfortunately Mike Knox will not be one of them. I heard all week that the main event was the best match Test has ever had. Now while he’s never used his power and size better, finally he looks like a monster, I wouldn’t call it a great match. Good, and very good for Test, but not great. Hardcore Holly as a good guy only because of his fluke injury is an interesting idea. It seems his best pushes follow his injuries. Matt Striker and Big Show made a great tag team, and if they were on Raw or Smackdown they would deserve a long reign as tag champs. There’s a great in ring chemistry with them and hopefully its not the last time they team up.

2006-09-28T21:56:00.002-04:00

Comics Reviews from September 20, 2006 Part 2

Comics Reviews from September 20, 2006 Part 2

Civil War: X-Men #3
Bishop is loaded up with energy from Cyclops's optic blasts and has to shoot the energy into space before he explodes. Micromax has the greatest costume accessory ever - an iPod. Johnny Dee is a mutant (maybe) mentally controlling the 198. (Who are the 198? Way too long for me to get into yet, wait til I..ve read the graphic novel.) Dee has "eggs" with little voodoo dolls inside of them that look like any mutant he's touched. With these eggs and his dolls he can control the mutants and does so to make Cyclops attack Bishop and have the 198 attack each other. How do I explain the rest is less time than it takes to read the comic? Bishop and his group are with Iron Man's pro-registration side. Cyclops, Archangel, Iceman, Beast and most of the 198 under Domino's leadership are on Captain America..s anti-registration side. Johnny Dee has been manipulated from a prison by Lazer, the government official in charge of Bishop's troops. Lazer gets found out, Valerie Cooper is put in control, and we have a cease fire between the mutants. Problem is that the 198 are now locked inside a compound designed to destroy WMDs. It will take the X-Men outside 6-7 hours to get inside and rescue them, however the whole place is going up in 90 minutes. Yeah, I'm looking forward to next issue.

Civil War Files #1
This is a dossier of Iron Man's files on different superheroes. It's also a pain to read because its white type on black paper. I'll post a review when I have more time to squint and try to make out the words.

Claw the Unconquered #4
An alright pseudo barbarian tale. Claw has a claw on his hand while he rides across this land. The creators are coming up with a long history of Claw's world and it looks rather interesting. A definite graphic novel read, but Claw gives a good quick read that feels worth the time in the single issues full of werewolves, half naked women, and of course Claw himself.

Claws #2
Didn't you just review this? No, its not Claw, its Claws. The adventures of Wolverine and Black Cat. Really, really not good. They end up on an island together where someone is trying to kill them. I'll save you the money, its Arcade. They fall into traps too easily, both are written out of character and its overall just terrible. The mini-series is an excuse to see how much torture they can put Wolverine through. Why is Black Cat there then? I don't know, T and A factor I guess. Skip this one.

DC Fifty Two Week 20
I'm going to review the entire 52 series soon so this one will have to wait.

More to come later tonight or tomorrow. I have to get it done soon so I can start reviewing all of this week's comics. Too much to read but I wouldn't have it any other way.

2006-09-28T21:56:00.001-04:00

Random wrestling notes for the week.

Random wrestling notes for the week.

TNA and Kurt Angle.
Sure, its a huge deal for TNA. They signed one of WWEs biggest names from the last 5 years. But theres a reason why they signed him. He was fired from WWE, because hes a drug addict that will end up hurting/killing himself or someone else. Im a huge fan of Angle and TNA but TNA should have taken the high road (along with any other wrestling or MMA company) and refused to sign Angle for his own good. Whatever money he makes TNA will be nothing compared to how much theyre going to have to pay for lawyers and a good PR team when CNN starts to ask why an Olympic gold medalist is dead.

ECW
Amazing show! Hardcore Holly shows everyone that while hes a dick, hes also truly hardcore. He lives the gimmick. Holly was put through a table with the result being a deep gash across his back 12-18 inches long. Then he goes on to finish the match! CM Punk gives a promo good enough to make me care about his feud with Mike Knox. Ariel vs. Francine Extreme Catfight was everything Ive been waiting for except no where near long enough. Hopefully a rematch will happen soon. Big Show vs. Sandman was a glorified squash but at least Sandman got in some offense.

RAW
Not much good on this weeks show. Eric Bischoff is back and hopefully that means a good Eric vs. DX or Vince storyline coming up. His book sounds like a must buy too. Shelton and Coach had a great exchange in the back that was the best Coach has ever sounded. Granted, the racism thing is ridiculous, but heres hoping something good comes out of it, like a set of balls for Coach. King Booker has been hilarious and his beat down of Cena was a great way to end the show plus build up Friday Night Smackdown! The womans title tournament needs to get better real quick. Granted it was only Candice that got taken out, but still why bother with such a non-match? Of course, thats for those of you that could see it. The power outage at the beginning of Raw was sadly one of the best things of the night. The question still remains though, why did the commercials for Raw say to not miss the first 10 minutes? Nothing earth shattering happened on the whole show, much less the first 10 minutes. I wonder what might have been.

2006-09-28T21:55:00.000-04:00

New Comics from 9/20/06 review part 1

Birds of Prey #98
Apparently theres a new Batgirl in town and she looks a lot like Barbara Gordon. Mostly a lot of talking and exposition, but at the end we find out that the new Batgirl is a meta (super powered person). She teleports to save Huntress from a bullet, then teleports away - blood and all - to reappear next to Barbara Gordon (Oracle). An alright mystery, but not enough to get me hooked.

Blade of the Immortal #117
This is the first issue of this comic that I have ever read, and it being 117 issues old I have no idea what I read. Something about people not being otters and being stuck in service to someone for 10 years. I dont know. I might like it if I started from the beginning, but if you havent then Id skip this comic.

Blade #1
Too much happens in this issue. Maybe the details will come out later, but theres a lot of loose plots at the end of the comic. Spider-Man becomes a vampire, when the hell did that happen? Blade kills a bunch of kids who have been turned into vampires, no remorse shown. Blades origin is retold, his father is introduced. Oh yeah, and theres a secret group of SHIELD made up of vampires. This is at least a years worth of storylines crammed into 22 pages. What happened to a slow burn to a story? Hopefully the graphic novel of the first 6-8 issues will be a better balanced read but for now Blade is a lot of quick action with no plot.

Catwoman #59
Theres a new villain on the loose, Film Freak! He commits his murders by reenacting scenes from different movies, chronologically. Also, Selena the original Catwoman has to rescue the new Catwoman from wrongful imprisonment in a Gotham jail. But first she has to find a babysitter. Thats right Catwoman has a baby with Wildcat from JSA. If you dont know whats going on its all part of DC Comics 1 Year Later plan. Like with so many comics though, it was a lot of set up to get me to buy the next issue but overall I didnt care enough.

Checkmate #6
I couldnt bring myself to give a damn about Checkmate. But the Suicide Squad? Now were talking! Checkmates members have a lot of talking, you owe me, what about this thing that happened five years ago type of discussions. Way too much talking. But the Suicide Squad fights, squabbles, dont trust each other, and overall act as villains should act. Mirror Master continues to become a prime villain and not a joke done in one issue B-list rogue. The ambush at the end gives a great cliffhanger that has me anticipating the next issue of what should be called Suicide Squad #7.

2006-09-28T21:54:00.001-04:00

Civil War .4 review (contains tons of spoilers!)

Civil War ..4
Thor shows up and hes pissed. Hes also speaking English pretty well, which if youve ever read Thor before you know he seems to have problems with that. Only on page 2 and Thor already tries to kill the members of the Resistance movement. Something tells me this isnt Thor. Iron Man has beaten down Captain America to where the Cap is barely conscious. The pro registration group stands around looking at Thor when at least two of them (Spider-Man and Invisible Woman look like theyre starting to change their minds. Iron Man is about to take out Cap when out of nowhere Hercules shows up! Herc creates a diversion, Falcon saves Cap and the anti-reg group looks to be coming back, until Thor blows a hole through the torso of Goliath! (Formerly Black Goliath because, well, he is.) Thor is about to destroy the rest of Caps team when his blast is stopped by what? Its Invisible Woman putting a dome around Thor and, apparently, changing sides. Both sides look more beaten down than any comic battle you can think of. Debris everywhere, torn costumes, rain, this is war. Caps team escapes and the revelations keep coming. Thor is actually a Thor clone built by Reed Richards. Huh? How many more clones does he have? Of which heroes? This could get ugly. Spider-Man in his everyman role puts it best, I thought you said you knew what you were doing, Tony. I thought we were doing this so no one else got hurt. Add in a cameo by the Watcher and we the readers see just how big (and sad) this has become. Hank Pym makes a disturbing revelation to Spider-Man back at Avengers Mansion. He and Tony Stark cloned a god (Thor) out of a strand of hair that Iron Man has been hanging onto since the first meeting of the Avengers. One, this seems a lot like JLA: Tower of Babel where it was revealed that Batman has kept secret files on all of his teammates. Two, what else does Iron Man have up his iron sleeve? Goliaths funeral (taking up 36 burial spots) is unintentionally funny. The issue ends with the balance of power in Captain Americas favor. So Iron Mans team needs to find reinforcements which they find in, where else, the villains. The issue ends with Venom, Bullseye, Lady Deathstrike and others ready to unleash hell.
Tune in next month for the rest of Civil War or tomorrow for more reviews!

2006-09-21T22:32:00.003-04:00

Comic of the Week

Comic of the Week!
The New Avengers: Illuminati ..1
Now this is what Im talking about! History, revelations, social commentary, and an amazing story. A brilliant idea that other writers should be kicking themselves for not thinking up before. Summary: Iron Man decides to start a secret group of the worlds most intelligent heroes (himself, Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Strange, Black Bolt, Namor, Professor X, and (almost) Black Panther). The group secretly meets every so often to pull the strings of the super hero world. It starts off as an idea to share information to prevent any future attacks (anyone remember the FBI, CIA, Alphabet Soup trying to get along), but becomes something bigger and shadier very fast. Black Panther sees it coming, he says to the group, walk away from this table and go home. There is a reason the Skrulls had such an easy time trying to turn the world against its heroes. Because deep down everyone knows that this could happen, and now it has. You just decided all by yourselves that you are the Earths protectors, and that you, and only you, not your teammates or family, are trustworthy enough to include in the process. Hes absolutely right. How can someone, only because they won a war once, assume they can win every war. Assume that protecting a country once means having power over it forever? All of this leads to the group doing some questionable things behind the scenes, including banning the Hulk into space. (Planet Hulk series which Ill review at some point.) This brings us to present day in the Marvel Universe and the Illuminati splits up. Iron Man wants all of them to go along with the US Governments plan to register all super-beings. Just like he predicted, it becomes friends vs. friends and everyone takes a side leading to much violence and death. This book was like a small pebble that created infinite ripples out. Ripples that can be seen in the rest of the Civil War comics (and reviews, coming soon!)

2006-09-21T22:32:00.001-04:00

Wrestling news for the day

TNA has re-hired Vince Russo. Supposedly this is not their major announcement for Sunday's PPV.
2 Cold Scorpio has been hired by WWE. As my wonderful girlfriend Caitlin said, "have they run out of names?"
Kurt Angle wants to do MMA (Mixed Martial Arts). Lots of people are interested in signing him, and most of them want to do Angle vs. Brock Lesnar.
Hogan wants to wrestle Big Show at WrestleMania 23 as a "20 years later" anniversary type thing of his match against Andre the Giant.

And this has been your wrestling news.

2006-09-21T22:31:00.001-04:00

TNA Impact Review August 17, 2006

TNA Impact Review August 17, 2006

Good brawl featuring the players from all the major storylines to start the show. I like it when wrestling shows start like that, it makes new viewers think that these people are always fighting against each other, instead of having coffee together in the back. The funniest part is Jeff Jarrett coming out to set off his fireworks in the midst of all the chaos. Theres a difference between being hated because youre a good heel and being hated because youre a douche. Jarretts a douche.
Recap of the Hard Justice PPV.
Jeremy Borach and Eric Young interaction/witty banter.
Nothing of note in either of these.
Alex Shelly and Johnny Devine & Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin, Jay Lethal, and Sonjay Dutt
The faces have teamed up numerous times, so again we have an Impact match with the seen it before aura. Usual spot fest from the X-Division with a brawl between referee Mark Slick Johnson and fired referee Earl Hebner. Yet another storyline that needs to go away. The faces pull off the rowboat move with their opponents legs, a move I havent seen since the height of midget wrestling. Chris Sabin pins Johnny Devine to give the faces the win. Maybe Im not in the mood to watch TNA tonight because I cant bring myself to care.
Hard Justice recap.
Christian Cage explains why he turned on Sting. It doesnt make much sense.
Chris Daniels cuts a bloody promo to challenge LAX for the tag title belts. Konnan responds and tells everyone he has muy pantalones. My Spanish is rusty but I think that means he has many pants. I dont understand this as an insult, maybe hes mocking people that wear tights.
Bobby Roode promo and his search for a manager. I dont know where this storyline is going, but I hope it ends with Traci Brooks back on TV.
Chris Harris vs. Kazarian vs. Chase Stevens vs. BG James
Winner gets a number one contender shot at the tag team titles for his team. Chase Stevens wins for the Naturals after more miscommunication with the members of AMW.
Samoa Joe vs. Ron Killings
With rumors that Killings is on his way out of TNA and Joe having an undefeated streak, Im not expecting anything other than Joe winning. Rather impressive suplex by Killings was the only thing of note in the match. Joe wins with the Muscle Buster, no surprise.
Jeff Jarrett interview. Sets up Sting vs. Jarrett rematch at Bound for Glory, career vs. title match.

Overall the opening brawl was the only good part of the show. Other than that, I could have skipped it and not missed a beat of the TNA soap opera.

2006-09-20T00:12:00.000-04:00

ECW Review 9/19/06

Always a good time while watching ECW, I know some people can't stand the new version but I look forward to it every week.
This week...
King Booker was the invited guest to ECW. After meeting some of the Extremists in the back ("What's his name? Bawls?") Booker is challenged to a match by his former tag team championship partner RVD. RVD loses to Booker in the main event after interference by Hardcore Holly. This match was Extreme Rules, so no DQ due to Holly.
In other matches...
Trinity is back! Oh wait, she was just backstage.
Tommy Dreamer, Sandman, and Sabu vs Mike Knox, Test, and Matt Striker.
Striker takes out Sandman who is helped to the back. The match becomes a two on one and honestly we've seen it before. I'm bored with Knox and Test already. Hopefully Striker will liven it up soon. Win for the ECW Originals team when Test gets DQed for using a chair.
CM Punk again defeated Shannon Moore. The crowd popped for Punk when he came out, but was dead during the match. Even CM looked confused. As much as I'm a fan, maybe changing up the move set in your matches would get the crowds back into it, Punk.
Kevin Thorn vs Balls Mahoney. Balls brings out Francine in her ECW on SciFi debut! Francine and Ariel get into a good old fashioned ECW catfight (hopefully the first of many). Thorn gets the win with a Razor's Edge bomb/ crucifix bomb thing.

With a ton of guys in the back that weren't on TV tonight I'd like to see ECW give Mike Knox and Test a week or two off TV. Also, give Punk someone else to wrestle, maybe someone to test him. (No not Test.)

2006-09-20T00:11:00.002-04:00

Today's reviews include:
The Trials of Shazam! ..1
52 Week Sixteen
Civil War: Frontline ..4

The Trials of Shazam! 1 (of 12)
Written by Judd Winick
Art by Howard Porter
DC Comics
$2.99

Captain Marvel is in for a change. Fresh from Black Adams wedding (see below review for 52 Week Sixteen) Billy Batson rescues some kids, destroys four magically powered enemies, has a chat with Zatanna, and then becomes an old man. Busy day for the Big Red Cheese. This is part of the long re-imagining of Captain Marvel, an attempt to make Shazam profitable/popular again. The idea behind Shazam has always been an easy sell; take Superman and make his alter ego a kid. What child wouldnt want to take his interest in superheroes and magic, combine the two by saying one word, and then have god like powers? So of course DC Comics recognizes this and turns Captain Marvel into an old man?
Many of us see the writing on the wall and know that comics arent written for single issue sales anymore, but for the graphic novels. This also prevents new fans from picking up the single issues. A newbie will pay three dollars to try out an issue, and then maybe come back. However, its tougher to get that same person to pay 15-20 for a graphic novel on a whim. Look at Trials of Shazam from an old and new perspective.
New Fan: Who is Shazam? Why is he living in a big floating rock? Whos the magician with the short outfit? Who are all these random unnamed magical monsters?
Old Fan: Once again a classic character is going to grow old and need to find a younger replacement in an attempt to increase sales.
Neither opinion bodes well for the future of Captain Marvel. This is only the first issue though, there are 11 more for Shazam to face some of these Trials. At least he fights monsters and does something heroic here unlike

52 Week Sixteen
Written by Geoff Jones, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka, Mark Waid
Art by Keith Giffen, Joe Bennett, JG Jones
DC Comics
$2.50

Marvel at Shazam, Mary Marvel, Black Adam and Isis floating around on the wedding day of Black Adam and Isis! Is it wrong to expect superheroes to do something super or heroic? Also, not to play fashion critic but if I was wearing a barely there dress (like Isis) or a short skirt (Mary Marvel) I dont think I would hover above thousands of people looking up at my super Underoos.
Our real heroes of the book, the Question and Renee Montoya, use ordinary human detective work, with time to argue morals and philosophy, before saving the day -- at a price. While Trials of Shazam and 52 are both limited series and thus meant to be read as a whole (graphic novel), 52 gives enough drama to make me want to spend $2.50 next week. Renee Montoya outshines the Question every step of the way, but the result of being the one to catch the bad guy is that shes also the one to catch the consequences. This is only one of the many set ups for the weeks to come. Renee tells the Question that a suicide bomb will not only kill people from the bomb but also from the ensuing stampede. Yet her gun shot yields no reaction. Are the people that wrapped up in watching the marriage of Black Adam and Isis? Or is there some mind control going on and Adam isnt what he appears to be? How will she deal with her decision? These dangling questions leave the reader wanting more while debating on breaking into UPS to steal next weeks issue instead of waiting the full seven long days for it to arrive at the local comic store.
Two short (two pages) back ups round out the issue and are like A1 sauce on a good steak. Its that last kicker that makes you want to come back for more. First there is a history of Black Adam. It may only be one character in the book, but a short biography on any of them is more than welcome. Now that I know a little more about Adam I care a little more too and I care enough to spend more money to find out whats next. Secondly, we see that Animal Man, Starfire, and Adam Strange finally got their spaceship to work and theyre off to next weeks adventure. With the added spoiler that Lobo is back in week seventeen, 52 makes it tough to wait for the next issue. Thankfully its only a seven more days.

Civil War: Frontline ..4
Written by Paul Jenkins
Art by Ramon Bachs, Steve Lieber, Lee Weeks, Sean Chen
Marvel Comics
$2.99

The B side to the hit single that is Civil War. Frontline is part set up for the next issue and part self contained stories. Remember Marvel Comics Presents? There were 1 or 2 main stories (usually with Wolverine) that would continue through a few issues. Then there were two or three back up self contained stories using lesser characters. Frontline works in the same way, and ironically uses some of those same lesser characters. Our lead story features Ben Urich in his role as everyman to the Marvel Universe. Ben has coffee with his opposite in Frontline (reporter Sally Floyd), warns her to be safe, and then is caught in an alley by the Green Goblin. With Goblin out of jail he should be after the newly unmasked Spider-Man (of course old Norman Osborne and Peter Parker already know all about each other, but really it seems the perfect time to attack.) Instead the Green Goblin goes after Urich for printing lies about him. You would think Norman could afford a good PR team.
Meanwhile, Sally Floyd plays fly on the wall for a secret meeting of unregistered B and C team superheroes. Apparently Solo, Battlestar and company couldnt get booked in She Hulk this month. After someone leaks the location site, the meeting is broken up by SHIELD and a quick yet costly battle is fought.
Robbie Baldwin, formerly known as Speedball, plays the role of Tobias Beecher from Oz. A man that made one mistake and is now in way over his head. Robbie picked up boxing skills somewhere along the way (maybe that time he tried out for the Avengers) and dominates his prison boxing match. After another prisoner pulls a shank, slices Robbies calf, and then the Speedball powers show up well we have to wait until next issue.
The forth story this issue explores another side of wars. Weve already seen the soldiers, the reporters, and the prisoners. Now we come to the spies. When something happens that needs explanation, many of us dont go to the obvious answer first, but the most adventurous one. A business is destroyed, and the investigating officer plays wouldnt it be cool if instead of what actually happened here. For probably the first time in his life, the cool answer is the right answer. Namor (sorry, Joe), in all his Atlantean glory has returned. He destroys his fish shop, disguises himself as a fireman, and once again we have to wait until next issue to find out more. At least this one comes out on time.
Rounding out the issue is a parallel between the Vietnam war and Marvels Civil War. Told through the song lyrics of Goodnight Saigon by Billy Joel this last story makes the heroes into humans. Whether youre with Iron Man or with Captain America (or anyone else on the plethora of Civil War banners) there are casualties on both sides. Men and women that had families and dreams that are gone because people, even people with all the power in the world, cant get along. Its easy to label the other side an enemy but harder to call them humans and know that theyre people too.

2006-09-20T00:11:00.001-04:00

TNA Hard Justice 2006 review

TNA Hard Justice PPV review
Honestly, not much too exciting on this show.
Eric Young vs. Johnny Devine
EY is the most entertaining thing in TNA right now. The match was overshadowed by the pyro catching part of the ceiling on fire though. Not a bad match at all, but a forgettable one.
Killing time during the evacuation.
The arena was evacuated so the Orlando fire department could check the safety of the building. This led to a LOT of time killing by Mike Tenay and Don West, then a horrible attempt at a promo by Monty Brown. He made up words then repeated those words, thats about it.
Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelly
Alex is going to be a star. The guy sells, tells a story in his matches, and has amazing X division moves. I could see him being stolen away as soon as WWE smartens up. Sabin is alright, a good X star but lacking that it factor to break him out. Great move set in this match though, including the multiple rotation arm bar.
Abyss vs. Brother Runt
What you would expect, an ass kicking. Not much more.
Samoa Joe vs. Rhyno vs. Monty Brown
Joe wins, which everyone saw coming a month ago. Brown needs to leave, hes not improving and should be cut lose. Rhyno is good but seems stuck now. No storyline, no career movement, but a good guy to have on the roster. Joe continues the set up to his eventual NWA title win.
Gail Kim vs. Sirelda
Gail is great to look at and great in the ring but Chyna 2.0 has nothing. Weve seen the strong woman role before and shes not that pretty. Hopefully shes not on a long term deal. Bring back Traci Brooks!
Senshi vs. Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams
Not a bad match but I expected more from these three. Im going to assume they rushed their match to make up for time after the fire. Still, all 3 can do more and hopefully they will at the next show. Lethal is going to be the man in about 2-3 years.
AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels vs. LAX
Great wrestling throughout the match. Daniels and Styles know each other so well its like they can read each others minds when theyre teaming up. Homicide and Hernandez impress every week and are only getting better. Finally Konnan is doing something worthwhile in TNA. My pick for best match of the night.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting
Ugh. Jarrett keeps the belt, TNA still doesnt learn, lather rinse repeat. Hopefully its his last title reign, because no one cares about Planet Jarrett anymore.

2006-09-19T14:33:00.000-04:00

The Road Trip Chronicles Vol.2
Los Gatos, CA to Long Branch, NJ September 2006

Yes Caitlin and I went back on the road to live on the East Coast (at least until June of next year). As always I kept my handy dandy travel journal to keep notes.

September 1
Me: Bye bye Rite Aid, where I made my money. Wow, I made $3000 this summer. I made one dollar for every mile you drove.
Caitlin: That’s really sad.

I see a woman curling her hair while driving. Where do you even plug it into? Is there a cigarette lighter attachment on hair products now?

I pinched my boys when I tried to adjust in the seat. This was only a half hour into the drive, not a good sign.

We see a car pulled over only 20 feet from an exit and a little boy (maybe 4 or 5) is peeing by the side of the road. Poor little fellow just couldn’t make it.

Nothing scares me more than motorcycles weaving in and out of traffic 5-10 miles faster than anyone else. I’m paranoid that I’ll see them hit a car and flip over it but it will all happen in slow motion.

Some road signs come up too soon. Like the one that said Mokolume River…
Me: That’s not much of a river (while looking at a ditch).
(2 seconds pass by, then we go over a bridge covering a huge river.)
Ohhh….

We stop at a Target store…
Random woman: Ohh… wife beaters!!!
Caitlin: Yeah, I’m usually not excited to see those.

Me: I re-did it.
Caitlin: You readed it? And you’re an English major?

We stay the night at Fernley, Nevada’s America’s Best Value Inn. The moment we walk into the lobby we’re asked if we are there for Burning Man. It was taking place just 2 hours away. Oh well, maybe next time I want to spend a week in a drug induced haze at a rave. The guy that checked us in was very sweet. An obese Indian guy with a speech impediment. Rather adorable, simple guy. When we were checking out I asked if I had to sign anything and he said, “Nope, all done!”

Saturday, September 2

At 930AM Caitlin finds out her friend Mattney is having a baby. A week later it’s twins.

We stop at this cute little coffee shop/wine bar thing. They pour the hot water directly into filters then into these sterling silver mugs. Everything was done a little differently, but it was all quite tasty.

Last night Caitlin and I make up a song. It goes to the tune of “You’re Beautiful”…
My butt is full…
My butt is full…
My butt is full…
Of poop!

For some reason I said I have two hairy cocks. I think I was talking about roosters.
Caitlin: You have two hairy cocks?
Me: Bet you cant eat just one!

We see some skinheads at a WalMart in Wyoming. Wearing wife beaters, (there’s that word again) and sporting huge Nazi tattoos, it was like American History X but at low low prices.

At 825 at night Caitlin says, “I made a sandwich in my pants!” This is usually a good sign that we should stop for the night.

Sunday, Sept. 3
We stayed the night in Evanston, Wyoming

There were a lot of these tiny dirt devil kind of tornadoes all along the road. Nothing to cause any damage, but cool to look at.

This was the day that Caitlin went insane. She started off the day talking about “curtain sex”, I don’t remember what that was about. Later she burst into song…
Two dinosaurs!
Two dinosaurs!
Two dinosaurs!
Is one more than one dinosaur!
Five dinosaurs!
Five dinosaurs!
Five dinosaurs!
Is one more than four dinosaurs!
Nine dinosaurs!
Nine dinosaurs!
Nine dinosaurs!
Is one more than eight dinosaurs!

I gotta tell you, its catchy.

Nebraska! It’s kind of plain.

We stop at a Wendy’s in Cheyenne, WY. This older, possibly retarded guy walks around offering people his second sandwich. He didn’t want to eat it so he could save room for his desert. Very cute.

We start the “I’m all over it like…” game. Examples…
Caitlin: I’m all over it like white on trash.
Me: I’m all over it like FEMA checks to New Orleans.
Caitlin: I’m all over it like welfare checks to Fort Drum.
Me: Ok, that’s low.
I try to make a penis joke.
Me: Did you know I’m descended from the great peni-ni?
Caitlin: You’re descended from a sandwich?
Me: No, not panini.

Caitlin and I sing “Amazing Corn” sung to the tune of “Amazing Grace”. Somehow the two of us make up two separate yet hilarious versions of the song, and dammit I didn’t write it down.

I have an imaginary conversation with some slut trying to hook up with Shawn at an also imaginary bachelor party. “Come on Shawn, we have to go. Don’t you remember that thing… that you have to do… that’s not her.”

Caitlin: Octopuses have tails, not legs.

Monday, Sept. 4

I start off the day thinking that for some reason Caitlin handed me a bucket of pee. It was the empty bucket for ice.

I decided to mangle my word pronunciations:
Me: I have to use the pho-anne.
Caitlin: The p-hone? The pee honey? Bwah ha ha ha!

This continutes…
Me: (I was reading a billboard) Wells Fargo: Free Checking services for your fiancés. Oh, finances.
Caitlin: Haha! Stop it, I have to poop!

I mess up the order of Iowa, Indiana, and Illinois (I still don’t know it.)
Caitlin: Haha, Kevin doesn’t know his states!
Me: Well there’s so many I’s in a row its like a tri-clops.

Tuesday, Sept. 5
We stopped in Geneseo, IL for the night at a Super 8 which had signs (that we read too late) about a bug infestation. “We can’t control Mother Nature.”

Caitlin says she rolled double sevens. What? Is she playing with D&D dice?

Last night was also the attack of the penis mummy. This should probably be censored.

There’s a chain of gas stations in Illinois called HI-V Gas.
Me: We’ll AID you on your journey with HI-V gas.

All of the 18 wheelers have Manac mud flaps. Manac looks like a flying moose.

Me: That makes me go “ha-ha” in my belly.

In Indiana we see a bumper sticker that says, “Recruiter” but the letters are done up in the colors of the gay rainbow.

We hear a radio commercial for Manard’s, a hardware store. The commercial is something like, “Introducing Manard’s great variety of color. You’ll save big at Manard’s” Oh, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Caitlin sees a sign that says “No HC” and says, “No Hot Chocolate allowed!”

Me: Not all chickens taste the same, but they all start out as chickens.
Caitlin: No honey, they all start out as eggs.
Me: Hehe, “ass eggs”.

Wednesday, Sept. 6
Stayed the night in either Bloomsburg or Buckhorn, PA. It was on the border so I’m not sure exactly where we were.

The TV at the Econo Lodge had an AM/FM radio and alarm clock built in. Where the fuck does one buy something like that?

Every, and I mean every, employee at the Lodge was gay. Flaming older gay men that were trying to hide it but failing all the time.

I was discussing my Dad’s book (yes he’s writing one too) and Caitlin asked if I would feel comfortable reading things about him.
Me: Yes, if there’s any reference I’ll get rid of it. Then I’ll cross out “Bob” and write “Frank” and wonder why, on Halloween, they franked for apples.

Pennsylvania has townships. So every sign is now entering township of…
Caitlin: We’re in Jefferson Township and the next town is Rockaway. Haha. We’re in Jefferson Township and they built their city on Rockaway. Rock-a-way-ayyyy!!!!!

Caitlin and I say a lot of weird things. I don’t know the conversations that these came from, because I didn’t write it down, but here’s a sampling of random goofy shit we say.

You take your crotch bubbles back!
Maxi Padd-ington Bear
I used to think that quiche was pronounced kwi-chi
I make fun of the cat in the widdle. What?
And now…. Huge donuts!

And that is the travel journal. Not as exciting as the way out to California. However, its not all that we have to write about either. More excitement coming soon.

2006-08-25T04:46:00.001-04:00

Retail Bathrooms!

I wrote up a resume this week and wow, I’ve worked a lot of shitty jobs. What better way to take all of you through memory lane than with “Kevin’s jobs and the bathrooms at them!”
First thing, retail sucks. I want Rite Aid to be my last retail job ever. Might not be, never know, but I would like it to be. I had my first job (other than summer jobs) when I was 18 at a retail place. Here it is 10 years later and I have a bottom rung of the ladder retail job. No more I say! Anyways, on with the show…

1.) Roland’s of Chesapeake Beach, MD. I was 16 and worked here for the summer that I stayed with my Dad. I don’t remember much of the place. I’m sure it had a bathroom but I can’t remember a thing about it.

By the way, I’m going to write something more meaningful about past jobs, and many things in my past later on. I’m just on a toilet kick tonight.

2.) SugarCreek on Arsenal St. Oh this place sucked. The bathroom was in between the supply closet and the car wash. So to go out to the car wash you had to walk through the bathroom, and vice versa. Any time I sat to take a Count Dooku (thank you Venture Bros.) I was worried someone would have to cut through there to get a broom or something. “Don’t mind me, just passing through.”

3.) Majic 103.1 with Johnny and Erika. Small radio station. It had a nice toiley. The odd thing was that there was only one potty for the men and women that worked there. And no handicap access either, which is great when your country DJ has one leg.

4.) Hills. Wow, I hated this job too. The upstairs employee bathroom was like a sauna. Metal roof, lot of stink, and no windows nor air filters. It got so bad I would leave the store, even for a pee, and go use the mall food court bathroom. Probably why I have no fear of it today. Crabs be damned!

5.) Staples. An awful place that fired me after a month. Alright bathroom. It wasn’t alright after I kept using it (as a customer) and not flushing. Feel my fecal wrath! You want me to clean it up? Press your precious “Easy” button and see what happens.

6.) Aussie Outfitters. I loved this job. Hang out at the mall all day in a rarely shopped at store. This is where I started reading a lot again, and found a love of anime (Damn you Pokemon Game Boy!) I think the best time was when I thought I was alone. I go into the bathroom, no shoes on (I never wore shoes behind the counter then), and proceed to make a lot of noise along with a running commentary of what was going on. (“Oh wow, did I do that?) When I get out, wet paper towel in hands, I see two of my friends who have sold 3 shirts to a customer that was waiting for me to ring up the order. Luckily, they could hear my commentary and knew when I was finishing up.

7.) Price Chopper. It is never a good idea to have to use a bathroom in the middle of a store remodel. Chopper used to have the worst bathrooms in the city. My second day I was asked to clean the men’s room. I walked over, opened the door, closed it, and told them I’d rather be fired then clean that. It looked like someone’s knees didn’t work, so they bent over at the waist and sprayed their mess all over the wall and everything next to it. Later as I grew to hate the job I would hide out in the bathroom. Not to do anything toilet related, but just sit there and read and try to not get caught. After I left I found out that some people thought I was sick and had constant diarrhea.

8.) TJ Maxx. Currently the worst bathroom in the city. You know how most stores have those powerful toilets? The ones where the water shoots away so fast you wonder if it could pull your face in there too. If that was an area you would put your face, that is. Well TJ Maxx doesn’t have one of those. Instead it has your usual home quality, 2 gallons at most toilet. This would be fine if 2 or 3, even 4 people used it daily. But not every other customer. And not after these customers have been to either Applebee’s or the Greek place, or the Chinese buffet. Messy messy customers. While working here, I swung a plunger like Babe Ruth swung a baseball bat: drunk. Constantly a disgusting part of my day. And the women’s bathroom was always the worst. It looked like 5 women decided to abort little black or brown (occasionally green, what did you eat?) babies all at once. Then not flush. And ladies, those little trash boxes are for your napkins, use them, or I’ll wipe your mouth with said napkins next time you leave them on the floor.

9.) Rite Aid. Not a bad bathroom. Nothing special either. It’s funny to see wrappers for stolen merchandise in there every so often. We don’t clean it nearly enough though. I think the same wad of paper towel has been there for a week. Not bad, not a treat either. Much like the job really.

Now that I’m done I wonder if I could have written something comparing my happiness at a place to the quality of the bathroom. Ah well, I’m too tired to do such a thing now and my tummy’s rumbling.

2006-08-25T04:00:00.000-04:00

The Rite-Aid ghost bear.

See the pictures? That's one scary fucking bear right there. And it doesnt have any eyes! Oh yeah, if you cant see the pictures go to dieseldecent.blogspot.com I uploaded them correctly there but I'm having trouble with the other sites.
Anyways...
This is the bear that's on all baby oil, powder, basically all baby products sold at Rite Aid. This is supposed to be comforting? It has no pupils! It has no soul! But wait, the Ghost Bear effects every day at Rite Aid. There is a security system, but not much of one at the store. It works like this. One of the security tags found in or on such items as liquor, condoms, teeth whitening, and some pills, goes off. Myself or another cashier looks at the door, nods at the thief in question, and goes back to the task we were on. No security guard, no calling police, no cameras. Sure Los Gatos is a rich neighborhood but shoplifters can drive, dont 'cha know?
Anywho, lately the alarm has gone off when no one is around! The automated doors will open (then close, they work in pairs like that) and the alarm will go off. But not a soul is in sight. Because the ghost bear has no soul!
Also, there is some sort of alarm, beeping noise, whatever that comes from the ice cream cooler. Some say it goes off when the temperature is being reset for efficient, um, cool-ness. No, I say its one of those cold spots that any ghost hunting show looks for.
Step 1, go into haunted place.
Step 2, find an area that is many degrees colder than the surrounding areas for no reason.
Step 3, piss yourself.

I blame any odd happenings at Rite Aid on the ghost bear. Any missing product is the ghost bear's fault too. I was just hanging on to it for him.

2006-08-13T03:12:00.000-04:00

I thought a porn star came through my line at work today. Jenna Haze.

The girl looked exactly like her though. But alas, the "real" names did not match (thank you Wikipedia).
Tune in for another installment of almost meeting celebrities.

2006-08-13T02:51:00.000-04:00

The Rise and Fall of ECW by Thom Loverro

I was so happy when this book came out. I thought that it would contain detailed behind the scenes stories about the little promotion that could. I wanted dirt and sleeze. Instead on page 64, "Sabu and Tazz defeated the Pitbulls; Tommy Dreamer beat Stevie Richards..." This goes on for awhile, and is repeated over and over again. Here's the form of the book. In 1997 these matches took place at ECW shows. In June of that year Cactus Jack had a good match. Mick Foley puts it this way, "yeah that was great". Thank you Mick.
Oh but it gets worse! On page 77 the writer copy and pastes the whole page out of Have a Nice Day! Mick Foley's first book. I would be amazed if this guy took more than an hour to write this book. He copies match results which can be found dozens of places online or directly copies someone's quotes from previous books (like Foley) or from the Rise and Fall of ECW DVD (which was an amazing piece of work). It's hack writing to the EXTREME!
No matter how much time Loverro had on this project it was squandered. Give me the same amount of time and I'll write a five star book on ECW. Only recommended for a completist.

2006-08-13T02:43:00.000-04:00

A movie review from Steve "Guts":

Pulse-less

So I saw Pulse tonight, the horror movie about dead people trying to break into our world and suck our lives from our souls. Originally it was opening March 3rd, the date proudly displayed on posters and ad materials. Then it was August, then it was September, then it was August again, then another date in August. It drops tomorrow and I took a chance on watching it tonight. The main reason was Kristen Bell, who I am now deeply in love with. Not just because she is hot but because she is such a good actress and really appears to have something going on upstairs. She is, for those that dont know, the title character in Veronica Mars.

Some movies are shuffled around the release schedule and in the process are unfairly tainted and thought to be bad movies, unreleasable. Some are actually good ones that are kinda out-there and are difficult to find homes on the release schedule for. And some are just garbage. Pulse (2/10) is garbage. There are some good ideas, but its all build-up, and very little payoff. So little payoff that I very nearly wrote, "all build-up and no payoff." But there is a bit at the end where it is all supposed to come together. I assure you it does not. It is an ending where you think, "I took this journey to get HERE????" Thankfully, the journey is 87 minutes long. You wont be investing that much in it, which works because you get next to nothing in return. Please do yourselves a favor and save the $8. I'm seeing World Trade Center and the rest of Talladega Nights sometime this week, thoughts will follow.

You know what you should see instead of Pulse? THE DESCENT (8.5/10). A new british import horror movie. It is kickass. Bloody, gory and VERY suspenseful. Images from that movie will haunt your dreams. If you give yourself over to it and let it fuck with you, its a wild ride. If you go into it with a chip on your shoulder and plan on not being scared or thrilled, you likely wont. If thats your thing, then fine. But I assure you it is a descent worth taking. I wont spoil the cool shit for those who will eventually see it. Its been years since a horror movie actually had me watching my back as I walked through the parking lot.....because you never know what's behind you. All I will say is that I am never going cave diving, no sir....because you never know what's down there waiting for you....

Thank you Steve.

2006-08-13T02:40:00.000-04:00

And now... A message from Joe.

Its my opinion that if you put a small child in a oven your wife will call the cops. oh wait...was that real....i've got to stop taking those pills. I just don't recomend it.

O"B's opinion of the day

Thank you Joe.

2006-08-12T00:48:00.000-04:00

Rite Aid regulars
Category: Work

So, as many of you know, I'm stuck at Rite-Aid for the summer. Hopefully I'll have a more degree related job soon. But this job is not without its fill of writing material. Let's discuss two of our regular customers.

The first one I like to call "Drunky the Crow". I dont know what her real name is. She's maybe 35 or so but looks like a weather and cock-beaten old bar fly. She comes in once every other day to buy a 12 pack of Beck's. I'm sure she would buy a 12 pack every day if she had the money, and one look at her tells me she doesn't have the money. The other day she comes in to buy her Beck's and asks me if we sell Stella Artois. Why yes, yes we do. "Ok, I need to buy some.... Holy shit that's expensive. I wish I didnt have to buy it."
My curiosity is piqued (and I just learned how to spell that!). So I ask why?
"Well I invited some guy over last night and he and I drank half of my landlady's Stella's. (Stelllaaaaaaa!) So now I gotta buy some more and try to replace them before she sees that they're gone."
Let's review here:
She invites a strange man over to drink.
More than likely both of them have already been drinking.
She lives somewhere where she has access (legal or otherwise) to her landlady's kitchen.
She doesn't have a lot of money.

Here's a money saving idea. Stop drinking every night and fucking drunk strange men.

Speaking of strange men, this leads me to the second customer who I have dubbed "Sensitive".
See, Sensitive has Sensitive hearing. So sensitive that he has to cover his ears when the cash drawer opens because the sound of it and the change rattling inside disturbs his ears. He always comes in wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and sunglasses. Doesnt matter what time of day. I'm not sure he's ever not had sunglasses on. He drives a beat up 'Vette or something like that. Now Sensitive comes in to complain about Trevor. (Shout out.)
"That blonde head guy over there has some problem with me. If he doesnt stop I am going to call the cops and sue this place. He made a comment about me buying cigarettes the other day. I dont need comments like that. I mean what if I want to buy prophelactics? Is he going to ask me if I have a hot date?"
Blah blah blah. I say we'll take care of it and he goes on his merry way. So now Sensitive comes to my line a week later. I try to be nice and not disrupt his hearing. I'm very considerate. So considerate that when he has trouble carrying everything out I ask him if he needs any assistance. He turns to me and says, "believe me if I ever need any help I'll ask you first."
Well fuck you too Skippy! Go find a new store to buy your dirty rubbers in!

That is all for this week's adventures in Rite Aid.

2006-06-22T01:01:00.000-04:00

AT home, at work, for fun (An update on June 21.)

Ok, so I haven’t written in a while and everyone is wondering what I’m up to. First of all, remember that I’m on a three hour time difference than the rest of you. So when I wake up, you’ve been up at least 3 hours and have probably, or hopefully, already started your day. By the time night comes along and I would be ready to sit online and talk, pretty much everyone is asleep or out drinking. Also, Caitlin and her family keep me pretty busy. I’m only writing now because I didn’t go take the dog for a walk tonight. So, how to break this up? I think I’ll do “at home”, “at work”, and “for fun”. Does that work for you too? Good.
At home:
Well home is Los Gatos, a suburb of San Jose. Netflix, Google, Yahoo, eBay, and a bunch of other internet and computer companies are all based in this county. That means there are people with a ton of money that are inflating prices for the people that have lived here 20 plus years (like Caitlin’s family). I don’t know what this has to do with being at home, but I had to put it somewhere. Most days there’s a ton of stuff to do. Well, not so much a lot of stuff, but no where is close by. For my NY brothers and sisters, it would be like going to buy groceries in Sackets, the mall in Carthage, and then back for Subway in Watertown. I probably complain too much, since I’m used to doing things when I get around to it (never). However today was quite busy as I plugged up both the toilet and the shower. I only took a dump in one of those spots though. Guess which one. Play along at home. I’m trying to read for fun, research, and motivation. Plus we signed up for Netflix so every day we have a new DVD to watch. We’re currently making our way through Charmed Season 1. There’s always a ton of stuff to do, which means I’ve lost a little weight but not enough to show yet. Actually, there’s too much to do. Since I’ve been here there has been an MMA tournament, Lucha Libre, a Book convention, and porn star autograph signings. All of which I missed because there was other stuff we had to do first. I’m actually nearly 2 weeks behind on my wrestling.
At work:
So I’ve been hired by the wonderful company known as Rite-Aid. I get to wear a nice gray polo shirt and black pants in 100 degree CA weather. The first two days I did nothing but straighten up the aisles. I started to dream about it. I was ready to quit. Then they trained me on register. I have never seen more MILF types with fake breasts in my life. Well not since Mel discovered MILF Hunter. Or was it Bang Bus? Either way, you get the point, there’s a lot of fake ness. So now 5 days a week, 8-9 hours a day I work the register and 90% of the customers are fake tan, fake hair, fake breasts women. Or Mexican. Also, unlike NY all forms of liquor can be sold in grocery stores. There are a lot of people buying vodka and brandy at 10am. They honestly need to hire more people. There were only 2 people closing the other night, including me (the newbie). It is also the home of Thrifty ice cream, the little ice cream stand that has been there for generations. And generations at a time come up for their 99 cent scoops. Like any retail job there are some great people that come in and some you just want to punch in the face. By the way, pseudophedrine is about to be an illegal chemical. You have to be ID to buy it, (over 18) and can only buy 2 grams worth of it a week. Why? Because Sudafed is used to make meth. So this family, who acted fresh off the boat from, I don’t know, Russia, come in and try to buy 5 huge boxes of Sudafed. They only have a passport, no state ID, so I cant sell it to them. And even if I could, I cant sell that much. The woman, in her stilted English, goes on and on about how unfair this is. They just moved to this country, yet they’re buying $100 worth of de-moisturizing stuff for the basement of their house. (They have a house already.) Because no one has been in the basement for 8 months. (They’ve been in the country for 8 months.) Then the woman asks if she can use her Costco card (much like Sam’s Club) as her state ID. (She hasn’t been here long enough to have any US ID but she does have her Costco card.) Now let’s see, immigrants, buying in bulk, with a room sealed off that they don’t go into for 8 months. Yeah, I would say that’s exactly the type of people that might be making meth.
For fun:
I’m working on my novel, short stories, and my big essay/article/book on comics. As I post on my blogs, I’ve read a ton of graphic novels this year with more to come. We take lots of walks with the dog, Rascal, which I think are really walks for me and the dog is an excuse. Lots of DVD watching, as I said. And lots of eating out. No, no, not like that. The food here is amazing. I’ve been meaning to post a blog reviewing the places we’ve eaten at. Mexican, Chinese, and the sushi. Oh my. The sushi. I keep up on Watertown thanks to www.newzjunky.com (cheap plug).

I think I’ll stop for tonight. It is incredibly hot here right now for some reason. We install an AC tomorrow, then I get to enjoy it by going to work for 9 hours, until 1030pm, then going right back at 7am. I cant wait until I’m a famous writer and don’t need to do this retail job stuff anymore, but by the time I’m done for the day I’m too tired to write. Maybe I should start taking more caffeine. Or meth. Where did that Russian family go?

2006-06-11T22:27:00.000-04:00

I've been reading a lot of graphic novels for a project I'm working on. I'll do a few reviews at a time instead of a lot of small ones:

Conan: The Frost Giant’s Daughter and other stories by Kurt Busiek
Conan is more than just the muscle bound barbarian that only thinks of women and riches, which I think is the opinion many who have not actually read a Conan book believe. He has a sense of honor and loyalty to his friends, even those he just met. Granted, he does get to indulge in the pleasures of life, but only after great suffering. He is a man that wants to have his food, drink and women and be left alone. But when the times come that he needs to step up, he will, and you’ll regret waking the barbarian within.

Cryptozoo Crew Volume 1 by Allan Gross and Jerry Carr
This book is a cute read, quick but cute. It’s really just filler with a couple of funny ideas along the way. There’s not too much depth to it. This idea would be good as a daily comic strip but is too close to a one trick pony to last the length of a graphic novel.

Common Grounds by Troy Hickman
Phenomenal book! I’ve been quoting and explaining scenes from this book to friends all week. In five pages these characters are given more depth than many new characters have in 5 years. Many twists, different genres of story telling. This is more than just a superhero book, it’s a great book, period. Every story (or chapter) has a different artist as well, which gives each character their own feel. Each character could support their own book. Sometimes when many heroes are introduced quickly like this, the stories fall apart soon after (Ultraverse, early Image); but these characters are so well rounded you actually care and can’t wait for the next issue.

Thor: Lord of Asgard by Dan Jergens
This is a good attempt to do something different with Thor, but ultimately a boring book. There are two ways to tell a Thor story, either have it happen on Earth, or in Asgard. It sounds like a good idea to do both at the same time, but even two Thor’s don’t make one good story.

Livewires: Clockwork Thugs ‘Yo by Adam Warren
Marvel attempts to do manga. It’s not a bad idea, a robot special-ops team, but then that’s when the good idea stops. The characters have a ton of potential, and the art is pretty good too. But, it seems like the story was written before there were any characters created. “Hey, here’s a cool story, now I need to come up with some characters to put in there. Hmm, who can I create to further my story’s plot?” I do look forward to seeing more of these characters, but only if there is some character development along the way.

Amazing Spider Man:
Coming Home
Revelations
Until the Stars Turn Cold
The Life and Death of Spiders
Happy Birthday
All by J Michael Straczynski
Through reading these and other recent Spider-Man books (25 issues worth) one thing comes to mind: even through bad stories, Spider-Man is still the man. It may be controversial but I like the idea of Ezekiel, Morlun, the Spider totem, all of it. Spider-Man has to be changed up every once in awhile and this is a much better way to do it then killing people off, or a new costume. As Straczynski’s run goes on he shows a new side to Spider-Man/Peter Parker, MJ, Aunt May, even Uncle Ben. Spider-Man is firmly in the Marvel Universe in this series, with random comings and goings from other heroes. On the other hand, Peter Parker is firmly in the real world during this run. Peter Parker in college has been tried before, but Peter Parker (as an adult of course) in high school? Well, that’s different and incredibly entertaining. The new villains are memorable and the older cast reminds you why you loved them to begin with.

Many more to come later...

2006-06-08T00:33:00.000-04:00

Kevin and Caitlin’s Cross Country Travel Journal Part 3
Monday May 29, 2006

- We keep seeing signs for this hotel/resort/ whatever called “Little America”. I think it’s for white supremacists, or at least racists whites. Its everything you need in one area, and out of nearly 50 huge road signs for it, there was not one non-white on any of them.
- This led to a fun game for you too to play in Utah. “Count the minorities”. We found 1 in 8 hours, and that was at a gas station.
- Caitlin starts to sing the “Salad Pants” song. Damn I wish I could remember some of it now.
- I see a grocery store called “Loaf N’ Jug”. This becomes the greatest store name ever in my mind.
- An 18-wheeler in front of us is missing the “D” off of part of its paint job. The sign now says, “we hire safe rivers” instead of drivers. This leads to many jokes about how safe a river can be, and if rivers can drive.
- We spend a few hours driving through the desert. There are tons of rocks on the side of the road that people have made words out of. A lot of I *heart* you, and so and so was here. We drive too fast to see all of them, but its cool nonetheless.
- Salt Lake City area, the Great Salt Lake, all of it is beautiful. Probably one of the most amazing places I’ve ever been.
- The audio book we’re listening to today had a line that I had to make a joke out of:
CD- “The house is dark and foreboding.”
Me - “There’s a lake?”
Caitlin - “What?”
Me - “For boating.”
- There is a chain of fast food places out here called King Kong burgers. I ask if the chicken sandwich is called Kong Cock or if when Kong sheds they all have Fur burgers.
- I try to stretch and accidentally punch myself in the butt. I’m talented.
- My attempt to bother Caitlin leads to the Kumquat-Patties story.
Me - “How about now? Now? Now? What about now? Now? How about now?”
Caitlin - “Know what I pride myself on? Being able to ignore you.”
Me - “Know what I pride myself on? Having balls the size of kumquats.”
Caitlin - “Do you know how big kumquats are?”
Me - “No. But they sound big.”
We tell Patti this story on the phone…
Patti - “Well Caitlin calls me “Kumquat Sasquatch Beardface””.
Me - “Aha! See, when I said Kumquat, I meant my balls were the size of Patti.”
Caitlin - “No, I don’t think that’s what you meant.”
Me - “Sure it is. Look at me, I’m carrying two big ole patties in my pants.”
Caitlin - “Ew honey, ew.”

Tuesday May 30, 2006
- For some reason we decide that Charlie, the teddy bear key chain, has a gas problem. Now he makes bear farts every time someone picks him up.
- We meet a charming gay guy at a Pilot gas station.
Me - “Maybe the gay kid at Pilot was impressed with me trying to suck a Frosty through a straw.”
Caitlin - “Maybe. Maybe he said, ‘hey that Frosty is a lot like my cock -- brown and cold.”
- I have something written down about the Lake Tahoe story, but I have no idea what that means. Maybe I’ll remember later.
- I know we’re in California when I see a license plate that says “FOR SHIZ”.
- I suggest that next Halloween Caitlin and I dress as Willow and Tara from Buffy. “Then I can sing and float whilst you perform oral sex on me.”

2006-06-08T00:32:00.001-04:00

Kevin and Caitlin’s Cross Country Travel Journal Part 2
Saturday May 27, 2006
- Today’s big stop was at the Mississippi River. We stopped at the usual tourist traps, selling postcards and local flair. After a quick shopping trip to an Irish store and seeing something called “Our Lady of the River” school, we took some pictures and took off.
- I ask Caitlin if cows in the Caribbean practice “moodoo”. She, surprisingly, does not throw me out of the car.
- We stayed in some place called Kearney in Nebraska. Why did we stay there? Because the hotel had free wireless internet -- which was out because of a wind storm.
- I inform Caitlin that our pet elephant, Samir, paints with his hoofs. This is called “hoof-arted”.

Sunday May 28, 2006
Ah the day I realized I’m retarded.
- 8AM. I get into the shower and Caitlin hears a yell of surprise. She comes running in to see what’s wrong and I say, “there’s water in the tub!” Now I know that sounds stupid. The thought process was that the tub looked empty and when I put my foot into what I thought was an empty tub I was surprised that there was a pool of water there.
- Last night I told my Mom that Caitlin finds it annoying when I put the hotel room card key into my wallet when I know I’m going to have to take it back out in two minutes. Then this morning I don’t put it in my wallet and what happens? Both of us forget our cards and lock ourselves out of the room, thus necessitating getting a third card.
- However the stupidity continued. I put 75 cents in a machine to get the day’s newspaper. Silly me I thought I had to press a button to get the door to open and retrieve my paper. Then it doesn’t work. I get mad and start shaking it. Caitlin, wonderful gal that she is, informs me that I pressed the coin return button and that I don’t need to press anything to open the door, I just open the door.
- People in passing cars wave at our one-eyed pet monkey. His name is Howard.
- I become amazed at the amount of cows in a nearby field.
Me: “Wow, look at all of the cows.”
Caitlin: “That’s a slaughterhouse.”
Me: “Oh… I’m not hungry anymore.”
- I come up with a brilliant idea for a dollar store type chain. Senor Discount. It’s for old Mexicans.
- We pass a sign for some place called “Points of Rocks”. Myself, Caitlin, and Howard all point at some rocks.
- I come up with the Wyoming song:
We’re in Wyoming.
We’re in Wyoming.
I don’t know what
Wyoming has.
We’re in Wyoming.
We’re in Wyoming.
We’ll probably only
Stop for gas.
- We pass a lot of horses with saddles on. I say, “it looks like a horse theme park. No, I mean lots of horses to ride, not lots of rides for horses.” I then proceed to draw a picture of two horses on a roller coaster.
- Caitlin starts to talk about “Stampy the Platypus”. I believe she has finally gone insane.
- Towns start appearing out of nowhere. It’s like the old Off Road video game where the closer you get stuff just, boing, pops up out of nowhere.
- While in the hotel room I get up to answer my cell phone. Which is currently without a charge, or minutes, in a bag in the car. Oh. The cell phone on TV has the same ring tone as mine.
- While talking to my Mom on Caitlin’s cell phone, my Mom informs me that sometimes after work the nurses have squirt gun fights with syringes full of saline.

Part 3 later…

2006-06-08T00:32:00.000-04:00

Kevin and Caitlin’s Cross Country Travel Journal Part 1
Well, it’s taken me a week to finally write this up. I don’t know why I waited so long (laziness you say, and are probably right). Anyways, six days, 3000 miles, and an infinite number of times playing the Buffy musical CD (which, the longer you listen to it the more parody lyrics one comes up with. Also, I can’t stop mocking Anya’s line “Beady eyes is right, we’re needed” by saying it in my most annoying and nasally way.) On with the notes on the trip. I think it might be best to do this in bullet points because there was really no rhyme or reason to what caught our eye.
Thursday, May 25, 2006.
- For some reason I think that “Ram-slayer” is a good name. For a child? A pet? An angry animal that eats rams (chupacabra)? I don’t know. But Ramslayer is there.
- We stop for a good while at the Country Junction, otherwise known as the “World’s Largest General Store”. And when they say large, they mean it, 4 acres of land full of crap. Wonderful, “I need to spend money now” crap. This included a giant statue of an ape with a button that reads, “Press here to hear the sounds of Africa.” Being a button-pusher, I push, to hear the delightful sound of about 2 minutes worth of ape farts. This immediately becomes the greatest store ever. In addition to crap to buy, there’s a haunted house, fair rides, and a mini golf course. Another trip is planned for the fall.
- We pass a sign around mile 111 of I-80 in PA that reads, “Highest point on I-80 East of the Mississippi” This leads to a few minutes of enthusiastic clapping because we were high (buh dum dum). It might be more interesting if I wrote down how high up we were, but that would have made sense.
- We drove from Monmouth U. in Jersey to Brookville, PA this day.

Friday, May 26, 2006
- For some reason I look over to Caitlin and say, “your eyes match your ass, because they’re both beautiful.” I am then thrown out of the car.
- We were listening to a lot of audio books on this trip. One of them, Homicide Special, had the great line, “I’m temporarily unemployed because my prostitute is dead.” I loved it so much I had to share.
- Some radio station advertises a night club with “DJ Sticky Boots”. We have either officially run out of DJ names or some bar needs to hire a janitor. Now.
- Caitlin almost punches a cashier at a rest stop. It went something like this:
Caitlin - “Do you have any stamps?”
Cashier - Silence
Repeat this 4 times! And its not like Caitlin was just being quiet, although she is at times. No, this woman just decided to flat out ignore her. Then she rings up our order (postcards for which we needed said stamps), smiles and says thank you. You know, I want to retype that to get the full humor across but maybe it just wastn that funny.
- This was also where the “find a license plate from all 50 states” game started. We found 44 out of the 50 by the end of the trip. I’m sure we would have found all 50 if we started the game a day earlier.
- We see a sign that says “Family Harvest Center”. To which I say, “Mmm… looks like a good crop of cousins this season.” Caitlin attempts to throw me out of the car again.
- This is also where we notice that my testicles keep trying to escape from my shorts. Some would say no, its that my shorts ride up when I sit down. But no, I instead believe that it is because my testicle is an escape artist by the name of Harry Ball-dini!
- We see a sign for a Skydiving Resort which leads to this exchange:
“Do you have any reservations?”
“Only about jumping out of a plane.”
- There are vending machines for both Coke and Pepsi in front of a 24 hour Adult video store. For those that are bi-soda.
- Caitlin pees next to a man in a restroom. Read that again. There are 3 stalls, left to right is Caitlin, an empty stall, then a waitress at Chili’s. Someone goes into the middle stall and Caitlin and the waitress notice that the feet are pointed the wrong way. Caitlin is too scared to come out, but the waitress does.
Waitress: “Sir, do you know you’re in the ladies room?”
Man: “You’re shitting me.”
Waitress: “No. Do you see any urinals?”
Man: “Oh my God, no!”
The man runs out, Caitlin and the waitress share a laugh. I have more complimentary nachos and guacamole dip.

This is long and I’m only a couple days into it, so I’m going to break off the travel log into sections.

2006-04-10T00:20:00.000-04:00

You Do Realize You’re Being Oppressed Right?

Well you are. No, I’m not saying the youth, post Generation X without-a-catchy-name generation is oppressed in the way that slaves, American Indians, Asians, Jews, Homosexuals, Women (you get the point) have been oppressed in the past. But it’s happening to us and in a new and clever way. It is an oppression brought on by too many choices and too much to do. I ask you to think of your day and all the ways that we waste money. Flipping through TV stations, deciding what music you’re in the mood for, looking at dozens of internet sites. Then there’s shopping. All of this leads to hours of the day, every day, wasted on choices. I’m not suggesting that choices be taken away, not for a second. But when you make that choice, stick with it and save your time and energy for more important things in life. Take a trip to the grocery store, and the soda aisle. Pepsi, Coca-Cola, RC, the store’s generic brand, Sprite, 7-Up, Sierra Mist, Dr Pepper, Root Beer, Cream Soda, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Code Red, Mountain Dew Livewire, Cherry, Lime, Orange, Club, Ginger Ale, regional brands, and of course a diet version of each of these. We walk up and down that aisle, deciding which specific soda we are in the mood for that day. All of this time wasted, not just on soda, but also beer, cereal, soaps, shampoos, everything in the grocery store.
So what to do? Pick two of each of these things, and stick with it. When you get sick of one, switch to the other. Shopping doesn’t have to be a day long event. Know what you want to buy ahead of time, buy it, and move on with trying to make your part of the world a little better. Think of the time saved if you walk into a store, buy your Pepsi then leave (or if you’re sick of Pepsi you already have your pre-planned alternate of 7-Up). Decide what you want, stick to it, and move on with your day.

I’ll tell you more about your lives later.

Next: down with MTV and the Psycho Early Bird

2006-04-09T23:14:00.000-04:00

The New Voice

The New Voice

No more copy pasting of things I find from other sites. No more pictures of cute girls (99% of the internet will give you that). I feel like I have something to say, and now I'm going to say it.

Kevin "Diesel" Decent

2006-03-28T13:55:00.000-05:00

Motivation

I have finally received an anoynmous response to a blog I wrote. This has given me new motivation to actually do something with this blog as opposed to using it to copy paste goofy shit. Anyways, good stuff to come this week.

2006-03-01T23:31:00.000-05:00

Down the hall from me lives a large black man. Five feet, 10 inches, and around 350 pounds. Many nights there are sounds that come from his room. The sounds of white women of all shapes and sizes (but mostly look 25 or older) in the throws of passion. But tonight there was a different sound. Tonight I heard the sounds of Diamond Dave. Tonight this large black man (LBM) was playing the song "Paradise" by one David Lee Roth off of his just-kicked-out-of-Van-Halen solo cd Skyscraper. My brother used to play this song all the time back in good old 1988. Hearing this song again put a huge smile on my face, and I had to share.

2006-02-27T01:03:00.000-05:00

Harlan Ellison hates Wikipedia.

Copy paste job from here

HARLAN ELLISON

- Tuesday, December 6 2005 13:11:44

WIKIPEDIA PUSTULANT

Let me urge you to go to the link Mark O. has posted re Wikipedia, just previous to this. My fervent 2 cents (and with all this much-vaunted hossanah'ing of PCs, and how they'll make us a better species, how come the fuckin' things don't have a "cents" sign as did the cheesiest typewriter Back In The Day?), my two cents is entered YET AGAIN FOR THE ELEVENTH TIME, that the site, the idea, the concept, the execution, the content of the Wikipedia site is simply unadorned crap.

Let me stress thst. CRAP. Not just useless for reference if you give even the smallest shit about truth or accuracy or fairness or being courant, but DANGEROUS and HURTFUL CRAP that balms the egos of those whose idle hours compelled them to create this cesspool in the first place, in blind denial of the idiocy of the opening concept.

It is a stupid idea, deifying the urban myths and illogical personal twitches of anonymous know-nothings. It is the raising to the level of notice, the blathering and meanness of those who formerly had an adequate and appropriate soapbox on the corner, but who now have the aid and abettment of worldwide broadcasting. It is the enabling of half-witted and jejeune autodidacts who truly believe every paranoid conspiracy opinion they foam up in their brain-basin is worthy of dissemination, and is as "valuable" as real facts and Britannica-researched real information.

The Siegenthaler situation exactly parallels mine own, EVEN AFTER I played their silly little game and spoke to the several creators of the site personally, and then spent an hour or so revising and submitting an accurate (evenhanded, non-ax-honing) revision...which lasted for about an hour till the anonymous brigands formerly of Enemies of Ellison realized their long-posted scurrilous CRAP had been deleted...and they just punched in the previous CRAP all over again. And the Wizards of Wikipedia giggled, shrugged their shoulders and said, "Well, see, that's the idea of Wikipedia. Nothing is permanent."

NOTHING IS PERMANENT???!!!!!!???????

gEEZus bleedin' whatever, this flies in the face of every basic instinct of the human race. The Great Wall of China, the Tower of Babel, the Great Library of Alexandria, the World Trade Towers, the Pyramids, the Eiffel Tower, all of Shakespeare's and Faulkner's and Shirley Jackson's writings, the begetting of children ... TO LAST, TO BE PERMANENT (even in the face of the futility of "eternal" permanence)(to defy death and the eroding sands of time, to leave a mark, to have BEEN HERE), to create that which does not slip and slide and fall away beneath our feet. To be permanent, as best it can be so.

IMpermanence = chaos.

Don't talk to me, those of you who must need to be slammed in the forehead with a maul before you'll GET IT that Wikipedia is a time-wasting, totality of CRAP...don't talk to me, don't keep bleating like naifs, that we should somehow waste MORE of our lives writing a variorum text that would be put up on that site.

It is a WASTE OF TIME.

Those who are obsessed with disseminating "Chinese Whispers," who enjoy "Playing Telephone," who batten on creating gossip and rumor and the kind of paralogical CRAP that is as real as the "little fuck" anecdote allegedly about me, that Phil Klass cobbled up from a creaky old vaudeville-cum-Joe Miller Jokebook shtick, decades ago...that still lives on...

Those pus-bags will revel in using CRAP SITES like Wikipedia, and the even more egregious ancillary-sites that reproduce the CRAP without checking, thus spreading obscurantism and illiteracy further and further...

Those schmucks will not go away. But YOU PEOPLE have some very laudable degree of common sense. So stop blathering about "we should do this" and "we should do that" and lamenting what a nasty business this is. Because short of finding each and every one of these people (and who the hell knows how many that might be, on a million different topics) and putting a Glock to their head, and festooning the wall behind them with strawberry gliomas, even RUMINATING about buying into this set-up is no more than annoying and aggravating.

So unless you can hack your way in, to destroy Wikipedia from the tap root up, give it a pass, I beg you...give it a rest!

In sympathy with John Siegenthaler's father,

Yr. pal, Harlan

2006-02-24T10:31:00.000-05:00

Boondocks 2/24/06

2006-02-24T10:25:00.000-05:00

TNA article in the new FHM.
Copy paste from their web site. Excellent short interviews, really wanted to share it with all of you.

Despite what Vince McMahon’s barking would have you believe, when it comes to pro wrestling, the WWE is not the only game in town. Scores of local independent wrestling associations litter the country, and Spike TV’s TNA wrestling has given a television home to the crème of that crop (Saturdays at 11 p.m. EST).

Click on the links above or on the wrestlers below for interviews with TNA's top talent. Then pick up our March issue for a feature on what life’s like for the members of Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, one of the country’s best independent wrestling organizations.

Christopher Daniels
An NWA X Division cham and multiple Tag Team champion, Daniels is still no stranger to working the independents. But he’s come a long way from wrestling in ghetto bowling alleys and county fairs.

You’ve got 30 seconds to explain why TNA kicks the WWE’s ass. Go.
TNA lets guys wrestle the way they wrestle rather than hindering them, and telling them things they can’t do. I have a lot of friends at the WWE and they tell me that there’s an internal struggle between the wrestler and management. It seems like they’re not on the same side. It boggles my mind that they’re not all trying to put out the best product.

Who’s the best wrestler in the business right now?
The first two guys that come to mind are A.J. Styles and Samoa Joe. I know this sounds cliche but I saw them before they got big. The same thing with John Cena. I really like that he had some success and that I got to know him before he became the guy you see on TV now.

What wrestler would you like to see come to TNA?
Chris Jericho, because personally I think he’s one of the top guys in the sport. There are a lot of guys who can wrestle but have no personality and then there are a lot with personality who can’t wrestle. I thought he was the perfect blend.

Your finisher is The Angel’s Wings. Has anyone ever really gotten hurt taking that move?
The only time I’ve ever had problems with it is when guys try to tuck their chin—you’re supposed to land on your stomach. If you chin-tuck, then you land on the top of your head. You can only tell a person the safe way to take a move so many times. If they don’t listen, I don’t have any sympathy for them.

Ever muff your Best Moonsault Ever move?
Once or twice—it’s very rare. My opinion about wrestling moves is that if you can’t do them 10 times out of 10, odds are you shouldn’t do it. But once in a while you get a ring where the ropes aren’t as tight as you want. I’ve hit the second rope and it’s like standing on pasta sometimes. I’ve hurt a couple people with the move by hitting them with my knee. But I’ve never missed it terribly.

What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever had to wrestle?
In a dilapidated bowling alley. It was somewhere in Southern California around Compton. They just threw the ring and chairs up and maybe 80 people showed. But the smallest crowd I ever wrestled for was in my first year of wrestling. We did a show with a promotion called Windy City Wrestling in Wisconsin that drew probably 35 people. The show was at a fair and for some reason they put us on a horse track away from everyone. Usually the benefit of doing a fair is that you get all these walk-up people who see wrestling and say, “Hey, let’s stick around for a few hours.” Well, no one walked up.

What’s been your worst match ever?
It was at another show in Wisconsin and the guy who promoted it was a big fan of mine, so he wanted to wrestle me. His name was Dark Child. He was an older gentleman—I’m not fresh out of wrestling school, but this guy was older than me, and not in very good shape. He had a wacky cowboy hat and a leather duster. It was weird. So I got in the ring, and this guy was a soup sandwich, so sloppy and so bad. Finally I went to pick him up for a slam and he said, “No, my back!” I tried to pick him up and it was like picking up a Buick. He just crumbled to the side. I stood there and looked at him and in the back I could see AJ Styles laughing hysterically. You know, I think the only person who was entertained by that match was probably AJ.

What do you usually get up to late at night after a match on the road?
The only thing open as far as food is concerned is Denny’s and there’s plenty of Denny’s in plenty of states I’ve frequented. That’s not always a positive thing. It’s tough to get good service at 2 a.m. Usually you’re not eating until 3:15. It’s a gamble.

What’s the best prank you’ve ever been involved in?
One night in Chicago I was out with a bunch of the guys, Simon Diamond and Low Ki. We’d been drinking, and somehow we got the idea to send a female escort to the room of the late Ted Petty. I got involved on the phone, and I was giving the room number to summon this person to. I hung up and began celebrating my victory. Then as I was talking to my roommate, he informed me that I had in fact sent the prostitute to my own room.

How did that work itself out?
I just didn’t answer the door. I went to sleep.

AJ Styles
He’s the only man to hold every NWA Wrestling title and has been voted by TNA fans as MVP three years running. In fact, there’s only one word that describes this man’s in-ring ability: phenomenal.

How did you come up with your finisher the Styles Clash?
My little brother was playing on the trampoline with his friend, and they were actually trying to power bomb each other, but they weren’t strong enough to pick each other up. So what happened is they would fall down and they’d be upside down on top of each other, basically in the Styles Clash. So I went over there and my brother was the first one to take the Styles Clash on the trampoline.

Does anyone ever get hurt from taking that move?
Not at first. Everyone seemed to be able to take it very well; it’s an easy move to take. Then the craziest thing started happening: People began tucking their heads, which is totally something you wouldn’t do for any kind of a face bump. For some reason it makes them feel awkward when I have them in this move. And I’ve had a couple people tuck their head, and you can break your neck. In fact, some kids were doing it and one of them did get their neck broken. It is such an easy move to take and people are making it difficult. I’m sick of this; you deserve what you get for doing an idiot thing like that.

What if a guy is too big to pick up?
That’s when I bust out my other finisher, the Spiral Tap. It’s kind of like Jeff Hardy’s Swanton except I’m twisting when I come off of the rope. I feel sorry for the guy lying there because it looks like I’m going to kill him. If you look up and there’s a guy twirling all about and he’s going to land on you with his back, I could imagine how scary that could be. But accidents do happen. I’ve squished people before.

What’s the worst match you’ve been involved in?
There have been some matches where I felt, “Man, I wonder how I’m going to pull this off.” I remember at TNA I was wrestling Sean Waltman, and he had just got to the building before the match. We hadn’t talked at all. That’s fine if it’s at an independent show, and you can just call it all in the ring. But this was Pay Per View, and we have a specific time that we’re allotted. I pretty much said, “Well, don’t blame this one on me.” But it turned out to be really good. I have to give Sean credit. He’s probably one of the better wrestlers in the business. So we were able to pull it off. It was unprofessional of him showing up so late, but he’s such a professional in the ring that he could pull it off.

Do you have any pre-match rituals in the locker room?
Not really. Maybe I’ll hit my knees against my chest to loosen up a bit. It’s actually pretty calm back there. Although one of my friends, the wrestler Low-Ki, is usually kicking the walls to get himself ready. That would scare me if I was wrestling him because I wouldn’t want him to hit me like that. Sometimes he gets someone on his shoulders and does squats with them.

What’s the nastiest injury you’ve gotten wrestling?
A broken foot. What had happened was this guy named Iceberg had flipped me over. I was sitting on my butt in the ring and he really didn’t say anything, so I didn’t really know what was coming—he dropkicked me in the face. Iceberg is 400 pounds, my feet were in front of me and he landed on my foot. It didn’t break my toes. Instead the top of my foot had kind of like a boxer’s break for your hand, where it splinters up. The unfortunate thing was that was Saturday and the next Saturday was the first ever TNA taping. So I didn’t let anybody know. I sucked it up because I didn’t want to lose my opportunity.

How did that turn out?
I went on to win the X-Division title that day. Actually there was a spot with Low-Ki, where we were both on the turnbuckle. He had me in a chokehold, but when I went to hook him with my broken foot, I couldn’t do it. We fell and somehow back-flipped, which could have been bad, but it turned out looking pretty cool.

Ever gotten into it with a fan?
It never helps if I’ve had a bad day already. It’s almost gotten to the point where I’ll tell a guy, “Why don’t you just jump over the barricade?” Because once they jump over they’re in our territory and they’re done. So I’m begging him to step over if it’s been that kind of day. It would be great to knock that guy out. I shouldn’t feel that way, but…

What’s wrong with the WWE?
The fact that they don’t let their cruiser weights be cruiser weights is a big problem. They can’t even do pile drivers over there, and we do a lot more than just that move. I have a friend over there, and they won’t even let him jump off the top rope. I hope I never have to go there because I’d be miserable.

What’s the best rib going on in the business today?
There’s one thing that’s going on with David Young and Samoa Joe, which had originally started with me, Jerry Lynn and Johnnie Storm. It’s called the Hockey Punch. Basically you just come up and punch the guy in the face—not too much to knock him out, but definitely so he knows it’s there. That’s the way me and Jerry and Johnnie did it. But Joe and David are getting close to knocking each other out. They’re scaring me. Originally, it was Joe who got David. Someone had called Joe in his hotel room to tell him that Dave was going to come punch him while he was asleep. Then David called Christopher Daniels, who rooms with Joe and asked, “Is Joe asleep?” Chris said, “Yeah.” So Joe hid in the bathroom. When the door opened, David Young snuck in—and Joe popped out of the bathroom and hit Dave so hard he did a flip and landed on the bed. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Samoa Joe
The current X-Division champion has yet to taste defeat in a TNA ring. No one has been able to break his choke sleeper hold, which is why he’s known as 'The Samoan Submission Machine.'

How’d you get into grappling? Were you a massive WWF fan as a kid?
I watched it every once in a while, but I really more or less stumbled into this. I learned to love it after I got into it. I was looking for some place to work out in the afternoon and called a jujitsu studio. The guy had a pro wrestling class and I decided to give it a shot. It started as a fun thing to do on the weekends. Then I ended up wrestling in Japan for a couple years.

So how did you realize wrestling was definitely for you?
My first show in Japan, I walked out at Osaka Castle Hall and there were 20,000 people there. I was like, “Oh wow, this is for real.” And then it was like, “Well, hell, wrestling got me this far, I might as well ride it out a couple more years and see how it works out for me.” It’s gone pretty well.

These days, how much traveling do you do?
I’m based in Huntington Beach, CA, and I fly to New York, Philly, Boston or some place in the Midwest at least once a week. Then every two weeks I’m filming for TNA in Orlando. Right now, I’m averaging five matches a week. Hey, the money’s good, so I can’t complain.

You were in the Pro Wrestling Guerrilla events FHM covered for our March issue. It seems as if you and the other wrestlers spend a hell of a lot of time sitting backstage, just waiting to perform.
Pro wrestling is a big game of hurry up and wait. You fly five hours, drive an hour to the venue, sit at the venue for two hours and then wrestle for 15 minutes. After that you fly all the way back home. That’s kind of like how wrestling is.

Sounds glorious.
Going out and having fun with the crowd is the easy part of the job. The hard part is finding food, sleep and gyms. I get lost about 20 times a month looking for things. I prefer when the company sends a guy to come pick me up and drive me to the motel, because otherwise, I’ll definitely get lost somewhere in upper New Hampshire or New York or something. That’s the bitch of it.

You also frequently wrestle internationally. Care to share any stories from the road?
Oh, I can share 22 million. One night, there was a guy in Japan, by the name of Shinjiro Otani. It was his 10th anniversary in pro wrestling and we were out drinking at his brother’s restaurant in his hometown. One of the younger Japanese wrestlers—which they call green boys—challenged me to a drinking contest to impress his boss. I put him down after about 10 shots of saki. He was like, “No more, no more.” Then here comes the next green boy. So I end up getting into this shot war with all these green boys. Saki tends to sneak up on you, so I’m talking a lot of shit and cursing in Japanese, telling everybody they’re pussies and they can’t really hang with me. Then all of a sudden this partition opens up and there was this old man named Yoshiaki Fujiwara, who’s a renowned drinker and wrestler in Japan. He goes, “You drink with me.” So we’re going back and forth, and he’s not only out-drinking me, but he’s also racing me to see who can get the shot down faster. We get to about 15, by which point I’m hallucinating, seeing stuff at the table. He looks at me and says “You still go?” I said, “Yes, I still go.” He goes, “OK, draw. You’re very brave and very stupid.”

Sounds like a good night.
We headed back to the hotel and were stumbling through Japan. We ended up running into some ladies from Australia and went out to another bar with them. They were propping me up, and I was just staying conscious. There was this little Japanese man who happened to be very influential. He paid for our drinks and ended up buying me a cab and sending me home with two, um, attendants to make sure I’d made it home safe. I could give more of the story from there, but it just gets lewd….

2006-02-06T19:06:00.000-05:00

It's sad (pornish)

So I receive an email from one of my friends. To protect him we'll use a common name like, oh I don't know, Joe. Anyways, "Joe" is just getting into the world of the internet but doesn't know how to find things. I offer to help him out. In today's email from him he writes: "I want pictures of a girl blowing a horse." This brings me to today's column.
It's sad.
It's sad that I was asked to find pictures of girls and horses.
It's sad that I could find it in 2 seconds.
It's sad that I could do this with Google.
It's sad that I then had to look through these pictures to find the best pictures to send to my friend. Because, really, if you're going to send pictures of beastiality they better be good pictures of beastiality.
It's sad that this was his first request. Most people start off small. They ask for pictures of lesbians, school girls, 3 somes. Horses should be around the 20th thing you ask for, if at all, after everything previously starts to bore you.
It's sad that I will be asked to look up things that are much, much worse for him.

Finally, it's sad that those of you reading this are thinking to yourself, "I'd like to see those pictures".

Because this is hopefully my one and only horse cock post, I'll throw in some pictures for you. Hung like a horse pictures.

2006-02-06T18:25:00.000-05:00

WWE Divas 2006 Pictures.

These aren't all of the pictures from this year's magazine. Just a few of my favorites that I've found online so far.

2006-01-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

Road to Jersey

This was quite the adventure for me. It took place two weeks ago when I went from Watertown NY to see my girlfriend at Monmouth University. I took a bus from Watertown to Newark. This trip was January 15, 2006 from 935am til 700pm.
The fun began when an Indian family decided to play musical chairs around me. The kids wanted Mom to sit with them, then Dad, then neither. At various times they wanted the row all to themselves. Dad eventually had enough and sat back to play some soccer game on his PSP. Well their adorable infant decided to puke all over the floor of the bus about 10 minutes into our 90 minute trip. And for such a tiny baby it was a good puke. The loud drunk puke you can hear echoing down the halls if you’ve ever been to college.
We then stop at a rest stop. I didn’t have to pee, so I sat in my seat while the rest of the bus exits to… a rest stop with no rest rooms. Not a pot to piss in for all the eye could see. The driver just wanted a smoke break and well, fuck all y’all.
Syracuse was Syracuse, nothing of note to report. I spent the ride from Syracuse to the Port Authority station in Manhattan switching between looking out the window and reading a book. When Manhattan was in view, wow. At 27 this was my first view of Manhattan. Amazing, I just wanted to wander around all day to a musical montage. But I only had 2 hours to spare before I had to be on my connecting bus. I marveled at the skyline and thought immediately when going through the Lincoln tunnel that that would be an amazing (amazing as in really fucked up, would be dramatic very bad thing) place to have a terrorist attack.
We get to the Port Authority and I am lost, beyond lost. I felt like a scared kid his first day of school. I didn’t know anyone, I had never seen any of it before. I look at the board that says arrivals and departures, much like an airport, and can’t figure it out. There’s my bus, and a time, but it doesn’t tell me where to go. I must have looked lost because a man came up to me and asked where I was going. I said Newark and he said, “follow me.” The guy was wearing a very similar coat as the Greyhound drivers wore, so I just assumed he was one too. Wrong. Halfway through our journey, the man turns to me and says, “see I know this place pretty well because I’m homeless. I make money by helping people out, such as yourself, and they give me money for a sandwich or something.” Ah shit. I had, literally, $2 on me. And half of that was in quarters. I apologize, and tell the man that this is all I have. I even open my wallet for dramatic effect to show him that I was not hiding any $20s or $50s from him. I give him the two dollars and he goes off on his merry way. I still had a little less than two hours to kill and could have stopped outside to look at Manhattan for a few. But no. At 6 foot 1 and we’ll say well over 200 pounds I was scared shitless. I stayed right by my door looking around me to make sure I wouldn’t get shot. Yeah, there was no cell phone service in there either.
In better news, the Cinnabon across from my door had this amazing looking pretzel cinnamon bun hybrid. The knot of the pretzel was a cinnamon bun. I would have bought one, but, you know.

More updates about this trip in the next couple days.
Spring 2006 semester updates after that.

2006-01-12T00:53:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Nathaniel on MySpace. 52 things about me.

52 Facts About You

1.) Name: Kevin

2.) Age: 27

3.) Birthday: 05/13/78

4.) Birthplace: Long Island, NY

5.) Location: split between Watertown and Potsdam, NY

6.) Sign: Taurus

7.) Have Kids: no

8.) Relationship Status: in one.

9.) Hair Color: black or comic book blue

10.) Height: 6’1

11.) Long Hair or Short Hair: short unless I have no money, which is always

12.) Religion: Catholic with questions

13.) Ethnic Background: 75% Irish, 25% French

14.) Occupation: old student

15.) Pets: none yet

16.) Proudest Moment: Having something I wrote performed/printed.

17.) Have a Website: dieseldecent.blogspot.com where you should be reading this

18.) Do You Smoke: no

19.) Do You Drink: Rarely, 99% STR8 EDGE

20.) Eye Color: hazel

21.) Piercings: no

22.) Tatoos: not yet, possibly later

23.) Overused Word: “just”

24.) Missing question, so um I don’t like marshmallow peeps

25.) What Country would you like to visit: Japan, Ireland, England

26.) Ever Been In Love: yes

27.) Last Movie You Saw: Watched part of X2 today, before that Narnia

28.) What Famous Person Would You Like To Meet: Wrestlers, Kevin Smith, Stan Lee, Harlan Ellison, anyone that can help me be successful

29.) Have Any Siblings: 1 brother 2 step sisters, not wicked ones

30.) Like To Camp: I like it proportionally to the amount of work I have to do times the number of bug bites.

31.) Ever Broken A Bone: chipped two front teeth, have falsies in now

32.) Dream Job: Jenna Jameson, oh not that kind of job, writer for WWE or Marvel

33.) Do You Live In a House or Appartment: dorm or mom’s house in the off seasons

34.) Favorite Sports Team: I have neither the time or patience for sports. I’ll cheer the Yankees but that’s more a family thing than anything else.

35.) Favorite Music Genre: Rock up until emo hit.

36.) Favorite Movie Genre: Anything with a fucked up ending.

37.) Do You Belive In God: I believe in God but not the church

38.) How Do You Like Your Eggs: scrambled and mixed up with bacon, homefries, and ketchup

39.) Favorite Drink: Non-Alcoholic: moutain dew code red or baha blast
Alcoholic: back in the day, vodka and cran

40.) Worst Fears: being alone

41.) Foods You Hate: cottage cheese, hummus, olives

42.) Favorite Flowers: whatever you bring me

43.) Do You Own A Cellphone: yes

44.) Favorite Disney Movie: does Pixar count? Mighty Ducks thanks to my brother.

45.) What Do You Hate: people without a basic knowledge of the world (# of states, who’s the vice president, etc)

46.) Candy or Flowers: candied flowers

47.) Morning Person or Night Owl: I’m doing this in the middle of the night.

48.) College Plans: 2 bachelor’s masters, time off, PhD

49.) Do You Live With Either Of Your Parents: seasonally

50.) Are You Outgoing or Shy: both, depends on the person

51.) Is The Glass Half Empty or Half Full: half full if its beer, empty if its milk

52.) Your Best Feature: thinking differently in either humorous or creative ways.

2005-11-20T18:05:00.000-05:00

Kristin Donnelly comes to us from WWNY-TV 7 the CBS affiliate in Watertown, New York. She spent two years as a one-man-band reporter and fill-in anchor/producer. She's glad to be back in Syracuse. Kristin graduated from Syracuse University with a degree in broadcast journalism. She's originally from Long Island. Kristin is anxious to head back to SU football and basketball games. She also enjoys spending time with friends.

Ahem. "She also enjoys spending time with friends." That is the lamest answer I've heard. Who doesnt enjoy spending time with their friends? Maybe she is trying to say, hey, look at me, I have friends. Perhaps it is an inside joke. Maybe there is someone at the TV station that doesnt have friends. And if there is, I feel sorry for that person. But really, why not add a more interesting hobby? Are there other things you like to do? Perhaps raising squirrels for fun and profit. Saving potato chips that look like presidents? Or yes, watching wrestling, the greatest hobby that there is. How can I trust the news you report when you have no creativity? What happens to news with no creativity? I'll show you. No creativity: "20 people died when a circle of wind hit their domiciles." Boring. Creativity: "20 people lost their lives today when a Category 5 tornado ripped through their tiny community. Residents were asleep when the twister came through, and now they can only sift through the pieces to rebuild their lives." Now which one is more interesting?

2005-11-16T22:59:00.000-05:00

Is Kurt Angle the next to die?

This is a quote from a wrestling message board.
"There is a top wrestler in WWE today who is considered to be on the unofficial death watch, whose death, due to his credentials, would make the considerable news coverage of Eddie Guerrero's death this week look minor by comparison. It's no secret to most within WWE; if it's not known by Vince McMahon, someone needs to tell him the system needs to be changed. It's one thing to show how much you care about a colleague by crying on the air after he dies. It's another to care enough about someone to do what it takes while he's alive to keep him from dying - even at the expense of box office receipts, storyline interruptions, and being deemed pushy, nosy, or a narc."

Yeah, the main theory is that it is Angle. Need more proof? Look at what he looked like when he first joined WWE and what he looks like now.

2005-11-13T16:39:00.000-05:00

In Memory of Eddie Guerrero

2005-11-12T00:05:00.000-05:00

Friday Love/Hate

My own list:
LOVE - That its Friday.
HATE - That James had a car accident last night. (Get Well!)
LOVE - Watching TNA on Saturday.
HATE - The temperature drops.

Matt added:
LOVE - Music you've never heard of.
HATE - Your (That being me) shitty attempt at blogging :-)
LOVE - Being one a virgin.
(I dont know what "one a" means. Must be an Albany thing.
HATE - Not knowing what a vagina looks like up close :-)

2005-11-08T01:28:00.000-05:00

Book Sale 2005

This is a partial list of what I bought this year. I have a couple more to add.

20th the Eventful Century: Great Mysteries of the 20th Century

The Wedding Cake in the Middle of the Road edited by Susan Stamberg

To the Stars by George Takei

Napalm and Silly Putty by George Carlin

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman

What to do When Your Mom or Dad Says…Clean Your Room by Joy Berry

The Omega Man: I am Legend by Richard Matheson

Justice League: Secret Origins by Michael Teitelbaum

Reading for the Love of it by Michelle Lansberg

20th Anniversary Collection by Cathy Guisewite

Red Ranger Came Calling by Berkeley Breathed

The Adventures of Cap’n O G Readmore adapted by Fran Manushkin

Suicide Blonde by Darcey Steinke

Opus and Bill in A Wish for Wings that Work

Bart Simpson’s Guide to Life by Matt Groening

How My Parents Learned to Eat by Allen Say

Meet Marmaduke by Brad Anderson

Mad: Al Jaffee Draws a Crowd

Mad’s Don Martin Digs Deeper

In Mad We Trust

Mad Duds

More Mad About Sports #6

Burning Mad

Pumping Mad

Mad Power

Mad About Mad

Mad’s Dave Berg Looks at Our Sick World

2005-11-04T15:26:00.000-05:00

Halloween Party Pics!!!

2005-10-20T02:56:00.000-04:00

This is part of my (about) 20 page paper for a grad class I'm taking. The paper will be about labels and what makes someone gay. It's also a personal essay about my experiences with all varieties of "non-heterosexuals". If you enjoy it, let me know and I'll put up some more. If not, well, screw you.

I went to an LGBTA (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender association) meeting to discover what exactly it means to be “non-heterosexual”. As is my habit, I put up an away message for my instant message program on my computer. The first response I see upon returning home two hours later is from one of my male friends that wrote, simply, “gay”. How does one’s choice of meetings make him gay? To take that further, what makes any one gay? Is being gay in a person’s words or actions? Is the title of gay a title that is self-given or one that others put upon someone, either forcefully or as an embrace? Through interviews, research, and personal journals I will hopefully come up with an answer for what makes someone gay. I have a feeling the answer will be more complicated then, “they are boys that like boys or girls that like girls”.
Before coming to a university my experience with anyone homosexual was very limited, and sadly only perpetuated stereotypes. There were people in high school that everyone suspected was gay, mostly because they had the gay stereotype posture or speech. However, there is no way I can confirm anything from that time. Later in life I met “Big Gay” Harold through friends. Harold was about 120 pounds and was only called “Big Gay” as a tribute to Big Gay Al on South Park. Harold was a part of my social circle because he was willing to buy alcohol for all of us while we were under age. However, he also had a disease of the mouth that went unchecked, so unchecked that it was noticeable to anyone talking to him. Harold had an STD that had spread in his mouth, and hadn’t gone to a doctor for it. The disease eventually ruined his gums and led to major oral surgery and dentures. While I felt bad for him, this confirmed one of the few things I had heard about homosexuals. They are sexually promiscuous.

2005-10-20T02:52:00.000-04:00

Man 1: I just saw the Earth through the clouds.
Man 2: Did it look round?
Man 1: Yeah, but I didnt think it saw me.

2005-10-18T01:49:00.000-04:00

I have the best girlfriend. I show her this picture...

and she responds by saying...
"haha i am a couch, rar i eat people"

I dont know why but that made me laugh out loud at almost 2am.

2005-10-18T00:36:00.000-04:00

I went to eat lunch in Lehman the other day and wanted some turkey. So I ask the girl working behind the counter do cut me a slice or two of turkey from the huge carcass they had on the table. She starts to cut it then looks at me and says, "actually I think this is ham."
Hmmm....
Well in case any of you have this problem, THIS is ham...

and THIS is turkey...

Notice the subtle differences. Like, the fact that one is pink and one is white. Or one comes from a pig and the other a bird.

Yes, stupid server girl, I can see where you might be confused. And you have shown me a reason why you are on that side of the counter, and I am on the educated side.

2005-10-04T00:00:00.000-04:00

My Night with Cingular:

So for some reason my phone wasnt working tonight. Ok, I know why it wasnt working. Its because I went to type in my PIN and I didnt know it. So I typed in the wrong thing, got locked out of my own phone. Now my phone is asking for some PKG number or something like that. I type in every number thats in my service manual. Nothing works. Finally I go to use a pay phone and call. Oh guess what, its too late at night for the service lines to be open. I try a few other numbers and finally find an after hours call service. I explain to the woman what happened to my phone, and what codes my phone is now asking for. The woman says, "well its a good thing you didnt keep trying numbers or else you would have fried your phone." That's right. If I had tried one or two more numbers my phone's security feature would've switched on and deleted all information from my phone. Anyways, luckily she told me a code to put in and my phone seems to be just fine. It made me nervous and pissed me off, but overall I have to say I'm very happy with Cingular's service right now.

2005-10-02T23:20:00.000-04:00

Guess what I got in my email today? That's right, I was Nigerian scammed. For those fo you that dont know what that is, check here:
www.tnunn.ndo.co.uk/niger1.htm

Dear Kevin,

I am Mr. Abii Debe, staff of Citco Trust & Finance House Accra Ghana,I am
the Credit management and recovery manager with the Company office in Ghana
before I was transfered to our head office here in Lagos Nigeria, Late
Engineer Wilson Kevin was my personal Client before he died in an accident,
he was a contractor with Shell Development Company and he is from your
Country.

On the 21st of April 2002, Engr. Wilson, his wife and their two children
were involved in a car accident along Platue express road and all occupants
of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Before the time of his
death, he had a deposit of $14.5Million which he decleared as family
treasure in the Finance House Accra office where I was working then, which
is only I and his lawyer knows the true content, Unfortunately, till this
moment no person has come as his relation for his chattels with us. I
humbly request your attention to this matter so that I can present you as
his next of kin and beneficiary to his chattels. It is not a very difficult
thing to do and it will not take time.

All I will need is to put your name and particulars as his next of kin to
in our computer database and we file in an application for the release of
the fund. It does not necessarilly mean that you must be in Ghana to
conclude the deal, we may request that the money be sent to Europe for your
collection.

Please contact me as quickly as possible through this email address
(a_debe041@yahoo.com) treat this matter as very important and confidential.

When I hear from you ,we shall discuss the terms of sharing of the money
after the claim.Contact me now so that I can deligate the Attorney who is
also going to be part of the deal.I await your urgent response.

Best regards,

Mr Abii Debe

Now a few thoughts,
One, you can see the mass email part of this immidiately. I can collect the money conviently in Europe. (I live in America.) The dead man shares part of my name. No reason is given for why I was picked out of the millions (and millions...) of people online.
If anyone is suckered into this, they deserve to be for being greedy.
I was going to delete the email address that was included in this email and then I thought fuck it. They dont deserve to be protected. They're not even human.

2005-10-01T12:57:00.000-04:00

Dont forget to watch TNA Saturday at 11pm on Spike TV.

2005-10-01T12:50:00.000-04:00

CM Punk

Seriously, watch whatever you can of this man.

Love your hate, your faith lost, you are now one of us! [x3]

Nothing, From nowhere, I am no one at all
Radiate, Recognize, One silent call
As we all form one dark flame
Dance in array!

Nothing, From nowhere, I am no one at all

Radiate, Recognize, One silent call
As we all form one dark flame
As we all form one dark flame
As we all!

Love your hate, your faith lost, you are now one of us! [x3]

2005-09-24T00:29:00.000-04:00

Scary Night

I had a very scary night. It was only for about 2 hours but that was enough. Anyways, due to the events of this night I just want to publicly say that I love Caitlin.

I love you Caitlin and I hope you never go away. Muah.

2005-09-19T10:55:00.000-04:00

Another forgotten DieselDecent web site.

I typed my name in on Google. I cant believe how many times I've started one of these and then forgotten. Absolutely ridiculous. Anyways, here's another one. I'll copy paste my at least 2 year old, "things I find funny" list. Wow I give up on things a lot.

Things That I Find Funny

Just a list of things always guaranteed to put a smile on my face.

Fat retarded people eating ice cream

Retarded people getting in fist fights at the mall

Retarded people falling

Fat people falling

Old people falling

Retarded fat old people falling

Hell, pretty much anyone falling

Blind people walking into walls

Drunk people falling, especially after they forget to pull up their pants

Ben passed out on a toilet with a straw hat

Amazons

Drunk Asians

Ben Smith eating ice cream
(see fat and retarded)

Cool Whip heated in the microwave

How'd that go again?

Seals

Animal crackers

Gigantic moons

Sending dumb ass text messages and making you pay 10 cents everytime

Hello Pot?
Yes.
This is Kettle, you're black!

So, what are you wearing today?
Hoodie and a ball cap.
Son of a bitch!

Scordo, would you like to go to Denny's?
No Ben I'm tired.
Ok then, I'll pay for you.
Ben, perhaps you're missing the point.

NewYear's Heave.

2005-09-19T10:47:00.000-04:00

The Library

2005-09-19T02:12:00.000-04:00

I turned on the word verification thing for comments. So comment if youre a real person, go away if youre an ad. There, now Matt and Guts can comment on how long I'll do this for.

2005-09-19T00:38:00.000-04:00

Fox Sunday 9/18

Simpsons was great. So much better than last week. The first act seemed a little too Family Guy. Show picked up after that, had more of the intelligent humor I expect from Simpsons rather than the pop culture orgy that is Family Guy.
Skipped War at Home. I just dont care.
Family Guy. So funny. Peter eating Joe's legs. Quagmire playing "I never" was gold. And Stewie's song. "I like tea and cakes at tea and cake time."
American Dad. Stan's self discovery was good, but I loved Roger in this episode. For some reason the pancreas got me.

I dont feel like going any more in depth this week.

2005-09-18T23:14:00.000-04:00

This is Eddie Griffin

and this is Eddie Griffin's cat

2005-09-18T23:07:00.000-04:00

Random Emmy Thoughts

Pre-Show
Debra Messing says it’s the last year for Will and Grace. My response, why the fuck is Will and Grace still on?
Star Jones is half the woman she was. And its still the ugly half.
I get Portia DiRossi and Drea DeMateo confused from a distance.
Hurley from Lost (Jorge Garcia) looks like a fucking pimp in a tux.
Jennifer Garner still looks hot pregnant.
Black Eyed Peas performs and not one close up of Fergie? The show immediately goes downhill for me.
Donald Trump singing Green Acres was hilarious. I hope the rest of these Emmy Idols are as funny.
Why the fuck is the Blue Man Group on? Arent they a little overdone at this point? Yeah it looked kinda cool though.
Its just cool seeing Jason Lee on an awards show. I hope My Name is Earl is successful
Lauren Graham and Jennifer Love Hewitt on stage together. Reminds me of a dream I’m going to have tonight.
Best part is the nominations for best writing on a comedy/variety show. They always put up weird things because they know no one cares. Conan did a romance book cover type thing, but Da Ali G Show showed stills from gay porn. Too funny.
I need to watch more of The Daily Show. Maybe there’s a pod-casting. Oh wait, I need an iPod too.
Best part of the night.
Dave Letterman does the Johnny Carson tribute. A nice kick in the ass to Jay Leno, but I gotta admit Letterman is the right choice. Thing is, you know Conan is going to be the one to do the tribute to Letterman in however many years. You know, 30 years is an amazing record. I cant think of one show now that is going to be around for 30 years. Not Leno, Letterman, Conan, um whoever took Craig Kilborn’s place. Maybe Raw will be on that long, but you’ll never see a tribute to Raw on the Emmys. This is possibly Letterman’s best speech ever. Right up there with his return post 9/11.
Family Guy clips have been great. Weird that they’re competing against themselves though. I hope these clips are a DVD bonus or something later.
I usually cant stand Macy Gray, but her voice was perfect for the Jeffersons Emmy Idol.
I think Quentin Tarantino should have won for directing CSI, but a Lost win is alright. I didn’t expect JJ Abrams to look like that though. Older I guess.
Holy shit Jon Stewart’s pre-taped commentary is classic. This is the guy that should be hosting Tonight Show, not Conan.
I just don’t care about the TV movie, mini-series awards stuff. Really if you don’t watch the show, then it just doesn’t matter. Yeah yeah, watch Arrested Development. I know, great show, blah blah, I still don’t care.
Ok, Star Trek Emmy Idol is my pick now. I thought they were going to sing the words, which exist but no one knows them. This is much better. They have a lot of geeks watching tonight because of Lost, may as well throw them a little something extra.
Excellent tribute to the news anchors. News isn’t supposed to be edgy and hip and a ratings winner. It felt like they were kinda pissed off at the networks. There is a certain amount of news overkill though. I’ll take MSNBC any day. Yes, I know they’re the least watched. I don’t care.
Felicity Huffman wins! Oh, its not for Sports Night. Ah well, good for her anyways.
And suddenly Medium will be picked up for another season. The best part is this just makes her even more successful than her brother. Former WCW Champion, David Arquette.
Good in memoriam piece but where was Mitch Hedberg?
After this, there wasn’t a whole lot else I really cared about on the show, I have to admit. I was thrilled Lost won for best drama, but I would’ve liked to have seen more of the cast. Come on Evangeline Lily and Maggie Grace get all dressed up and get no TV time? Well it bookends the evening with no close ups of Fergie.

That’s it. I’m moving on to more posts now.

2005-09-17T01:17:00.000-04:00

Ignore me, I'm just trying something with a picture. This post doesnt concern you. Move along.

2005-09-16T21:04:00.000-04:00

There is a guy in my building in a wheelchair. He has no legs. Cut right off at the knees. The dry erase board on his door says, "why cant I find a decent pair of shoes?" I dont know if he has a sick sense of humor or his friends do, but either way I was impressed.

2005-09-16T20:24:00.000-04:00

Gulf Coast Looters

Buy this shirt at T-Shirt Hell

2005-09-16T16:53:00.000-04:00

They are not looting the fish, they are finding food.

2005-09-16T16:49:00.000-04:00

Surivor September 15, 2005

Season debut. Lot of whiny bitches already. Mostly the men. You can just tell its gonna be a good season when people are puking and passing out the first day. But the best part? One of the mysterious returning Survivors was Stephanie! Let's see how she looked last season...

2005-09-16T16:46:00.000-04:00

TV Review For September 11, 2005
Sunday Night Heat
Simpsons
The War at Home
Family Guy
American Dad

This is the only Sunday Night Heat picture I could find. A little dated, I know. Anyways best part of the show was Matt Striker (former NYC school teacher fired when it was discovered he took a sick day to go to Japan to wrestler. WWE capitalized on the publicity and hired him. Lucky guy.) took on Johnny Parisi (formerly Swinger). Good match, I hope neither guy gets fired once Heat is cancelled. Also Danny Basham debuted his new dark gimmick. I never cared for the guy before but I really like this gimmick. I hope it goes somewhere.
No pic of the gimmick, but this is what Danny Basham looks like

SImpsons was absolutely horrible. Just terrible. If this season doesnt get better than it needs to be their last. Once more Marge gets mad at Homer and leaves, finding a new love interest, but coming right back to Homer. Also, Maggie seemed to just disappear in this episode. Maybe I wasnt paying attention but it seems like they forgot she exsits. Much like the other girl on Family Matters that they got rid of the second or third season then she went on to do porn.

Anyways, some Simpsons pics for you.

War at Home...wow. So bad. Just fucking terrible. I'm sorry, there's no other word to tell how bad this was. Please die a quick death. And I like Michael Rappaport too.

Family Guy
Best part was definitely Stewie. I didnt care for the James Woods stuff at all. But Stewie playing Marco Polo with Helen Keller was great. And Stewie playing peek-a-boo with Peter was absolutely hilarious. I was quoting it 3 minutes later. (Did I just say 3 minutes? All of a sudden two big Samoans kick your ass.)

American Dad

Sooooo funny. Best part of the night by far. "Stan do you know what I was thinking of last night while I was looking at the back of your daughter's head?" "Stan do you have any Gatorade? I seem to have left all of my electolytes in your daughter." And these lines being delivered by Patrick Stewart immediately makes them 10 times funnier. It might just be funnier than Family Guy right now.

2005-09-16T16:25:00.000-04:00

Smackdown 8/25/05 Review

I finally watched this episode. I dont want to go into too much detail on anything, because I want to get to other reviews. So let's just go with what's important. Who should you watch? Well this man...

...is going to be a star. His name is Ken Kennedy....kennedy. You just have to see him. Amazing on the mic, is only going to get better in the ring.

Best thing on Smackdown? MNM
Just to show you a little something something I'm going to put up some pics of Melina, currently my favorite WWE Diva. Seriously, MNM's music is awesome, they have an amazing gimmick and they're actually really good.

That's all for now, I'm just going to look at these pics for a few minutes. Well, the parts with Melina in them that is. Or Melina's parts. Take your perverted pick.

2005-09-15T21:28:00.000-04:00

Porn I watched but didnt want review

Review 1: Jordan Capri

So I had heard a lot about this girl. One of the many, yet few, girls that get their own web site and strip and/or have sex and somehow get this cult following. So at some point I must have seen her name somewhere and I checked it out. Anyways, all this video was is Jordan talking to the camera and answering questions that her fans “demanded”. Really the whole point is to take her clothes off, repeat that she’s 18 and is lonely. Then she asks for stuff. Point being, its boring as hell but you keep watching it because, it’s a naked girl.
This relates to something I learned in playwriting class this week. You can have the best monologue ever but if the character just stands or sits there and talks, it gets boring. There has to be action. Walk around the stage, pick something up, throw something. Or in this case, get naked. Makes sense, I ended up watching this for 8.20 minutes. But anyways, its boring. A definite delete.

Pictures of Jordon

2005-09-15T21:27:00.000-04:00

Abe Lincoln, the Wrestler

Caitlin and I were talking and for some reason I felt an appropriate response would be, “other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the show?” She doesn’t hear me properly and thinks I said, “how was the Michelle/missed shell?” She knows I’m going for a word pun, but isn’t sure what that pun is. After straightening out my words we goof around and the conversation becomes, “how was the Big Show?” This led to me making a joke, “tonight on Raw, the Big Show and Abraham Lincoln vs. Snitsky and John Wilkes Booth.” After that, there was no turning back for me. I made joke after joke. “Lincoln locks in the Emancipator. Booth hits Lincoln with a chair! My God, he looks like he’s been shot! Lincoln goes for the figure four score leg lock.” And of course Booth: “Lincoln, you may have freed the slaves. But tonight there will be no freedom for you when you’re trapped in a 15 foot high steel cage!”

2005-09-15T21:26:00.000-04:00

More MySpace Posts

Adding me to your myspace (Read First)

I got 163 new requests to be people's myspace friend. I dont have time to look at that many pages. I want people I actually know and/or a couple of intelligent people I dont know. So before people start adding me, read first.

1, if your page gives me seisures or it looks like you have ADD I'm not adding you. This includes having 10 different video clips on your page. It looks like the tv from Back to the Future II.

2, If youre looking for someone "special", keep looking. I already found my special person. Its not you.

3, If your name is I poop monkeys or touch my balls or something like that, I'm going to assume you're an idiot. Not clever. So I wont be adding you.

That's all for now, I'll add more later.

2005-09-15T21:16:00.000-04:00

MySpace Post Part 2

Random Wrestling Posts

History of Philadelphia Wrestling

I just thought this was cool. DOI is usually crap, the message board is horrible. But this article is cool. Click the link to read it.

http://www.declarationofindependents.net/doi/pages/reviews/mic_reviews/mcpinions85.html

CM Punk

I just gotta say, I love whatever it is Ring of Honor is doing with CM Punk and the ROH World Title. For once in wrestling I'm totally clueless as to what will happen next. And thats cool, like Carlito.

I'm going to just put up a few pics of CM Punk

2005-09-15T21:02:00.000-04:00

Old MySpace Posts:

I really dont feel like adding all of these individually. So I'm going to add in clumps. But not Eddie Murphy in make up clumps, those are Klumps.

Anyways, these are my posts as WWE released wrestlers. As you can see I was quite pissed off about all of it.

WWE Releases

WWE on Tuesday, July 5 released the following...

Akio

Billy Kidman

Mark Jindrak

Gangrel

Shannon Moore

Maven

Who gets fired and who keeps their jobs will never make sense to me. Ring of Honor and TNA are going to get some good talent soon though. I hope to see a Tough Enough reunion in TNA with Maven and Nidia. Ok, any excuse to see Nidia again.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Two more

Spike Dudley and Kevin "Mordecai" Fertig were also released from WWE. All this is doing is giving ROH, TNA, etc more of my money so I can watch the wrestlers I like. You know, when I have money again. Pesky bills. They chase me like gnats. And donuts.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

More Releases

WWE keeps firing people today. I so want TNA or any other promotion to get a good TV deal and have some competition again.

Fired today, Bubba Ray, D-Von, and Spike Dudley, Kenzo Suzuki, Charlie Haas, Jackie Gayda, Matt Morgan, Dawn Marie

I know I'm forgetting some.

Spike Dudley has a good commentary up on his release which you can read at

http://www.1wrestling.com/news/newsline.asp?news=23154

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 3

The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 3

This was the third and final post I made on the old blog.

Friday, November 05, 2004
Who's Next

Surprisingly the one and only time that WWE.com is updated is with this latest group of firings. The names have already been taken off of the superstars lists on both the Raw and Smackdown sites. The question for tonight is, who will be fired next? I will have many more updates later on Friday, but here is my guesses for who will be released next.

Raw
Chris Nowinski (injured)
Mark Henry (not worth the money)
Garrison Cade (injured)
Ivory (they have that new interviewer, I'm sure she can co host WWE Experience as well)
Molly Holly (she wont do the T and A that is required of the Divas)
Rhyno (too short, injury prone)
Rosey (could never get any support after numerous poor storylines and gimmicks)
Stacy Keibler (will follow Test)
Steven Richards (could they have buried anyone anymore then they have Big Stevie Cool?)
Tyson Tomko (injured)
Val Venis (injury storyline, havnt done anything with him for years, why even bother bringing him back?)

Smackdown
Akio (I'm surprised they didnt release him with Sakoda)
Bill DeMott (Tough Enough wont save him this time around)
Basham Brothers (constant gimmick changes, never caught on with the audience)
Dawn Marie (I dont think I've ever seen a Diva given less to do. Would anyone even notice if she was gone?)
Funaki (He's Asian and a male announcer, a double kiss of death in the new WWE)
Nunzio (A clean sweep of the FBI)
Paul London (too short, too pretty, and above all, too good in the ring)
Scotty 2 Hotty (2 Cool is long over, no one cares about the worm anymore, and breaking your neck for WWE is the quickest way to a pink slip. Now if you tear your quad, you have a job for life.)
Shannon Moore (He is a cruiserweight who doesnt even compete in cruiserweight matches.)

None of this looks good for morale, to the fans, to anyone. Now there are rumors that WWE will no longer pay for injuries the wrestlers receive while working in the ring. Roddy Piper was right, there needs to be a union in wrestling.

3:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 2

This was post number 2 on the site.

Release Profile - Gail Kim

Gail Kim

Isnt she absolutely beautiful? How many Asian women have there been in US federations? Not counting the occasional All Japan or New Japan wrestler. I can think of two other than Gail Kim. Leia Meow/Kimona Wanalaya and Hiroko, Kenzo Suzuki's wife. Leia has been out of the wrestling picture for years, leaving us with the images of her dancing at the ECW Arena or dressing like a cheerleader as part of the attempted return of the Varsity Club in WCW. And Hiroko? Please. Even Kamala would look at her as a racist character. So we are left with Gail Kim. Beautiful, talented. One of the few wrestlers to win a title on their debut with a company. And now, unemployed. She won the women's title, was injured, came back from the injury and was teamed with Trish Stratus as part of the heel diva team. She was just on Raw this week. Now the heel team is reduced to Trish and Molly Holly. But would anyone be surprised if Molly was going to be released too? Gail Kim's release shows two things. One, that breaking bones and having breast implants in the WWE does not equal job security. Two, that the WWE has become a lot whiter this week. Rodney Mack, Jazz, Nidia (now that she is announced as being from Puerto Rico) and to a point Johnny Stamboli (who was involved in an ethnic gimmick in the FBI) were all released along with Gail Kim. What does the future hold for Gail Kim? Unless TNA starts a womens division (which they absolutely should) I think we can look forward to Wrestling Vixxxens 2.0.

3:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 1

I tried to start a blog in November 2004, and did nothing with it after a week. But I would like to go blog-crazy when school starts again and I have a lot of sitting in front of the computer time. Anyways, here is one of 3 posts i had on Angry Fans of Wrestling

Welcome to AFW

Welcome to the first edition of Angry Fans of Wrestling. I am 26 years old and I have watched wrestling religiously since WrestleMania III. I have been to Raw, Smackdown, house shows, random Independent shows, and even WrestleMania. I have hours and hours of videotapes that I will never have the time to sit and watch but cannot bear to throw away. I have a bookshelf dedicated to wrestling biographies, the Apter mags, and countless other wrestling related media. In short, for nearly 20 years, since I spent my days watching a tape of WM3 over and over again, to the point where I had every match on the card memorized, I have lived wrestling. A part of me cried when ECW shut down. I wore black the day after Owen Hart died. Half of my cable bill is paying off pay per views. But I cant take it anymore. I will not give up wrestling, it is something I love. However, when something you love is in danger of killing itself you dont walk away. You have an intervention. I want the Angry Fans of Wrestling, the AFW, to be that intervention. As of this writing 10 wrestlers have been fired from WWE. More than likely that number will grow. Dealing with the black eyes is part of being a wrestling fan. Punches are constantly thrown from those that do not understand us. Mainstream media. Phil Mushnick. Even at times Vince McMahon himself. But it has gone too far. In the following posts I will talk about what is wrong, and at times what is right, in wrestling today. I encourage your opinions and any feedback. If this movement can grow, and if we can gain support, then I would like to start public showings of our displeasure. I will first talk about the events of the last week, and some of the last month as well, and wait for feedback. If I am not alone out there then this will continue. We will show the McMahons, the Jarretts, anyone, that the fans will not be treated like idiots any longer.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Who's next to be released?

Looking back at what I predicted months ago, I had a good guess as to who would be released. Out of my predictions, I was right about
Ivory
Molly Holly
Rhyno
Akio
Dawn Marie
Shannon Moore

Of course there were a ton more that were released, but I didnt see those coming and more than likely neither did they. My next set of predictions are:
Heart Throbs
Sylvian Grenier
Matt Capotelli
Tatanka (why keep giving fat out of shape stars from the past contracts? I'm in just as bad of shape as them. And I work cheaper.)
Jillian Hall

That's it for now. If I dont make a lot of predictions than I cant have a lot of wrong ones.

2005-09-15T04:19:00.000-04:00

The Last Remnant from Rotten Tomatoes

I had this picture up on Rotten Tomatoes. I just wanted to share.

Coming soon, the My Space Posts

Followed by, all new original material

This has been the best of DieselDecent

2005-09-15T04:16:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 32

Sunday, May 02, 2004

Sour Suite

CURRENT RATINGS:
ROTTEN: 4/10 4/10 Movie: My Own Private Idaho (1992)

So I go into the bathroom to take a piss, because I’m not drunk and that’s where you’re supposed to piss in such a situation. I look down to aim and what do I see floating in the toilet? Shit? Vomit? Hair? No, it was none of those things. Instead, it was a fucking bar of soap. Now, I’m in a college dorm, the toilet and the shower are separated by a fucking wall. Its not like someone leaned over too far and dropped the soap into the toilet. And, there are trash baskets in the bathroom and another one right outside the door. Apparently neither one of these are worthy of getting rid of soap though. So the half used bar of Dial received a burial at sea. Now the thing that really pisses me off is that I’m paying extra for this. No, not for the soap. I am now using body wash with the poofy brush. Oh yeah, gets all the lil pimples off my back. But, I found out that all this time I’ve paid extra money for the privilege of living in a suite. Privilege? Well, what benefits do I have here in the suite? My room is smaller than the non-suite rooms. But I have a living room. Yes, and it smells like rice and Asian diarrhea. Well, you can take a shower and not have to worry about catching any foot disease. Yes, showers are nice. When you can find the fucking shower head!!! See, Mickael doesn’t like to use the shower head. He feels his showers are better without it. Well, in America we call that a bath. All he’s doing is taking a bath with a higher faucet. Speaking of the damn faucet. I am not a hobbit, but the shower is designed for small people. The shower pipe comes out at my nipples, then curves down. So my balls get a thorough cleaning, which you need to get in college, but I have to pop a squat to wash anything above my waist. And let me tell you, when a fart sneaks out while you’re in a steamy shower its just, damn. The company isn’t that great either. Asians run everywhere. I have no idea why. I think just because people call me Fat Man they expect me to drop an atomic bomb on their heads. (Asshole comment warning) I think they saw all the children running away from the napalm attacks in Vietnam and thought it looked like a clever idea. Only they’re not naked. (Asshole comment ending)

In other news, I’ll be home from school on or near May 21. I’m so ready to leave, and then I’ll be ready to come back.

Just to throw a review in here, I had to watch My Own Private Idaho for my Road Films class. The movie starts at a 0 for the man on man blow job scene that it opens with. Oh yeah, River Phoenix is a male prostitute that only services men. And oh yeah, he has narcolepsy. Add in a writing credit for Shakespeare after stealing most of Henry V and I give it a 4. Why 4? Because I’ve given 3’s and 5’s but never a 4.

Ok, that’s it for now. I’ll have more stories later. Fuck the suite.

2005-09-15T04:14:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 31

Friday, April 23, 2004

Finally an update

Odd fucking night, lets see what happened…

1, I went to a poetry reading today, featuring HBO Def Jam Poetry poet, J-Ivy. And an open mic at the beginning. So, oh yeah, guess who got up there and read a poem. No, not me. Ostrum! That’s right, making a return to the Rotten Tomatoes journal is Toasty Osty. So Jeff gets up there to read his poem. In character. The character is someone who is having an anxiety attack and can't breathe because of his nervousness. So he speaks the poem in a whisper. A death metal whisper. Then he read the second poem. I don’t know what it was about but I’m guessing masturbation. The only reason I say that is because he was jerking off the mic and then looking at his hands before he started reading the poem. It got so bad that people were leaving the room holding their mouths, so the laughter wouldn’t escape. No applause, just a stuttered, um, yeah ok kind of clapping. Then J-Ivy took the stage. The guy was amazing. Def Jam Poetry, hip hop poetry, whatever, is amazing. He’s on the Kanye West CD too. Highly recommended.

2. I went to Potsdam Idol. Some good singing was showcased. But then the twins sang. Together. In harmony. While wearing the same outfit. The same twins that were kicked off of American Idol in round 1 of the second season. Oh yeah, they go here. But what got me is the fat nasty girl we call Miss America, just for irony’s sake. She wasn’t singing, she was just there being annoying. She’s the girl that hacks loogies, doesn’t wear shirts that fit, looks like a man, and is a good 400 pounds. Really nasty. So, she looks up at me, and I’ve never spoken a word to her…. She flips me off. Like for a good 2 minutes. So I look at her, like is she flipping me off or someone sitting in front of me? Well before I could get an answer she decides to cup her flapjacks (by which I mean boobs, not that she brought a tray of pancakes in, although I wouldn’t be surprised) and shake them at me. Oh yeah, biggie was jiggling her nasty not-so-fun bags at me. I still think I’m going to vomit.

Umm, what else? I got a Chinese buffet story coming up. I finally saw Hellboy. I watched some anime this week, Lady Blue volume 1 and Ayane’s High Kick. Other than that I’ll try to do a good update later and more frequently. Laters…..

2005-09-15T04:10:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 30

Rotten Tomatoes Post 30

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Updated but not Over rated

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I need to become a little more picky with my ratings. If I like a movie but dont love it I give it a 7. Most of my ratings are 7's. Course if I did an update regularly I would have more time to think up some reviews. Everyone has Dawn of the Dead reviews by now, I wont say anything different. Scary baby, watch the credits, zombies run fast, blah blah.
Couple quotes from life for ya
Im Bruce Smith bitch, enjoy yourself.
Theres the face of a champion
Hey Ben, I bet you wish the tea bagging fairy Passed you Over, ya Jewish bastard.

I got too much writing to do, so I think I'll try to do that and do a real update later on.

2005-09-15T04:08:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 29

Road Films

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 6/10 6/10 Movie: Rain Man (1988)

I like the movie I just dont love it. Dustin Hoffman does a great job, but Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise in every movie. He's like a Barbie, heres Tom, here he is in the Navy, here he is driving cars, etc. But overall its a good movie and worth watching, and on to more quick reviews.

2005-09-15T04:07:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 28

China

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Once Upon a Time in China (1991)

Saw this one for the Crossing Borders festival. Great martial arts movie, and actually a really good story too. Some of the characters look the same, so there may be a little confusion, but once you realize who is who its a great movie.

2005-09-15T04:05:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 27

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

I'm the Easter Bunny Bitch!

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Hellboy (2004)

Finally saw it, good movie, really liked it, Im throwing up a couple of ratings and then i'll do a real update later

2005-09-15T04:02:00.001-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 26

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Story of my weekend

MOOD: Frustrated
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 6/10 6/10 Movie: Paris, Texas (1984)

So I saw Paris, Texas this week too for Road Films, but I didnt want to give it a review. Its ok, its interesting, but in the end I just didnt care. IF you want a good indie flick, no action, just plot and dialogue, pick it up, but really I just didnt care about it enough

Ok, so my week.....

1, there has been 5 fire alarms in the last 3 days. I am sick of it cuz it only happens when Im comfy in my bed watching TV. Fire alarms never happen like right when Im walking into my room and I still have my shoes on and everything. Or even better, when I'm not here.
2, The people I see during these fire drills that I didnt know live here. My house isnt that big but there are some people Ive never seen. Mostly cuz I hide in my room for the majority of the day. But today I got to meet 'Horse girl" Now Horse girl is on the equestrian team, but that is not how she got her name. And its not because she counts by clip clopping her feet on the ground. (good thing too, cuz that makes long division a bitch). No, its because she has teeth like a horse. They are just huge buck teeth that I would need to borrow if I ever wanted to build a house and needed a team of beavers to cut down the trees around it. Speaking of beaver, this girl wears the shortest and tightest clothes when she walks around in here. I couldnt stop looking, its just like hello boys pay no attention to my teeth, look at this butt. And what a butt it is. I want to eat her ass like an apple. Ok, maybe I should stop now.
3, Theres a blind guy on campus. Lets get the jokes out of the way now
Which one is he? Oh, hes the one with the cane/dog
Have you seen him? Well dont worry he hasnt seen you either.
Ok, now that thats done
He comes into Lehman to eat, one of the workers there helps him out, puts stuff on his tray, shit like that. Then she says, and I quote
"Would you like to sit here or in the TV room?"
Now.........
What kind of heartless person asks a blind guy if he wants to sit in the TV room? He's blind!!! You could tell him he's in the TV room and he would never know.
4, Yang has chicken hanging from the window. Not a whole chicken, just drumsticks. But the point is they are hanging from the window. 3 drumsticks hanging from a red kite string in the window. Im afraid to ask or else I might be the next hunk of meat hanging from the window.
5, I had to go to this Acapella concert last night. 3 hours of people singing without instruements
Couple things from this concert......
All of the girls wear black, and have to line up in a row. It ends up looking like fun house mirrors. Hey, Im thin, Im fat, I have dog ears
Why do gay guys, well not all, but a group of them, need to let Everyone know they're gay. I dont stand up in public and say, I Love Pussy! But this guy just made everyone know he was flaming. The best part was when this old guy just started watching him and shaking his head. He probably thought the same thing I did, boy I'd like to fuck that.
Lastly, theres another toothy girl that was singing last night. She just has jagged snaggle toothed mouth, and she has a boyfriend that she always talks about giving head to. I hope her boyfriend is a great white shark that is used to jagged teeth. That or he has a steel cock, the true Iron Giant.

Thats all I have for now. All this week is the Crossing Borders fest at Potsdam. So I'll have comments from movies, workshops, poetry recitals, and running into Ostrum every other minute. Laters!

2005-09-15T04:02:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 25

Movie Week Review 6

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: The Maltese Falcon (1941)

Dude, its the Maltese Falcon, how can it not get a 10? Just a great gritty crime drama. Hour and 40 minutes but there is so much in it that it seems like 3 hours of plot. Turns twists, and I finally know what is meant by the phrase razor sharp dialogue. Outstanding movie, so worth renting.

2005-09-15T04:00:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 24

Movie Week Review 5

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Avenging Force (1986)

Avenging Force

I used to love this movie on HBO back in 88 or so. Used to have nights where I would watch this along with Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon, Rad, and Monster Squad. Sadly the only one still on DVD or VHS is The Last Dragon, so I tracked down a copy of Avenging Force at Videorama in Potsdam. It stars the one and only Michael Dudikoff, star of such films as American Ninja, and American Ninja 2. Basic plot, a white supremist group wants to prevent a black man from becoming Senator and the whole plot takes place in New Orleans besides little moments in Texas. See Dudikoff kick white racists ass, white racists that wear masks all the time. Why masks? Well 1, its during Mardi Gras so if you dont have breasts or beads, you need a mask. 2, the group hunts people in the bayou, so the masks make it scarier. Hey its just a fun kick ass martial arts movie from the 80's whats not to love?

2005-09-15T03:59:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 23

Movie Week Review 4

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Undercover Brother (2002)

Undercover Brother

Ok, I know most of you have seen this, but I laughed my balls off. This is a great movie. Every 5 minutes at most I cant stop laughing. I hope this becomes a franchise and we can all look forward to more adventures of the Undercover Brother. And where the fuck did they dig up Doogie Howser from?

2005-09-15T03:58:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 22

Movie Week Review 3

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Identity (2003)

Identity

I already knew a lot of what would happen in this movie because I read a movie spoiler site. But there are still so many turns to the story. And even if you know whats going to happen theres still a lot of detail and turns you dont even see. Excellent movie. I cant say too much more without giving away a lot of the plot. Its only 90 minutes, its great, its worth owning on DVD, and its worth watching again to find out all the things you missed the first time.

2005-09-15T03:56:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 21

Movie Week Review 2

CURRENT RATINGS:
ROTTEN: 5/10 5/10 Movie: Wrong Turn (2003)

Wrong Turn

This goes the opposite way of the last review. With any hot chick (Eliza) start your review at 10, and take away a point every time something stupid happens. Now if I told you that one of the guys in this movie drives a car, climbs a 100 foot ladder, jumps to a tree, does a balancing act, and puts on a rousing display of the finale of Riverdance with the killer inbred rednecks, what would you assume? That he has 2 legs that work? Oh, but you would be wrong. He takes a bear trap or arrow or wild mongoose or something to his leg and needs to make a quick but useful crutch out of a sapling. Yet he somehow continues to kick serious JRC ass. There isnt anything original in the movie, the stoners and the kids that have sex, and the stoned fuck buddies, and the fuckin stoners are the first to die. And oh yeah, the prettiest people, and the people who arent dating when the movie starts will be the ones that dont die. Oh dont bitch like I ruined it, whoever is listed first in the cast is guaranteed not to die. The movie keeps its 5 cuz I have a serious jones for some Dushku cooter.

2005-09-15T03:54:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 20

Movie Week Review 1

CURRENT RATINGS:
ROTTEN: 3/10 3/10 Movie: A Night at the Roxbury (1998)

I watched a ton of movies this week, and I still have more movies to go, so lets do some quick reviews.

Night at the Roxbury

Wow, what an awful movie. I start at 0 and give one point for each thing I like.
1, Hot girls, and lots of them
2, Molly Shannon as a sex crazed cock lover. I need a Molly (laugh it up Matt!)
3, The entire plot is dependent on Richard Grieco. This is just too damn funny. He has done nothing that wasnt straight to video since 21 Jump Street. Does anyone who saw Roxbury remember the Jump? I'm old and even I barely remember it. This is before the Simpsons.
It's also before Will Ferell was really funny. Elf, Old School, comic gold. Roxbury, comic tin. Kevin, comic saran wrap

On to the next review.

2005-09-15T03:52:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 19

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Ostrum part 2

MOOD: Sleepy

New Jeff Ostrum story of the day
So Jeff comes up to me and he says, hey do you know who (whatever the fuck the guy's name is) is?
Why no Jeff, I do not.
Oh well he used to sing for the Dead Kennedys
Ok, Ive heard of them
Well, he does spoken word tours now. He gives speeches all over the country, and we convinced the college to bring him here to talk.
Wow, Jeff, thats pretty cool. So when is it.
He's coming here May 1, and we have him booked for 5 hours.
Five hours? What the fuck do you have him here for five hours for?
Well, because he has a lot to say.

fuckin classic

2005-09-15T03:49:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 18

Quick Update

MOOD: A-OK
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Secret Window (2004)

Oh wow, I have not written anything in here for quite some time. So on to the massive updates…

You ever notice that when a group of Asian people are together, their combined voices sounds like squirrel chitter chatter? Seriously, I thought that I was in the magical land of Narnia and the woods were speaking to me, but oh no, its just Boss and Mr. Foo speaking about the market's reaction to the dollar against the yen. That or anime tentacle porn, I’m a little rusty on my Chinese, could have gone either way.

Speaking of anime, I bought a new anime graphic novel (these are called manga) that I would tell you all about but none of you really give a shit. Other new items in my room include the Evanescence CD (great, 5 stars!), and 3 boxes of donuts from the Inn. Shoe is my pusher man.

Back to the Inn, last Saturday was the infamous milk drinking contest. And I threw up hard, for the first time in almost a year. I used to throw up like once a week. I used to have weekly meetings with my face and a spot of porcelin that usually supports my stank ass. But for some reason I no longer had frequent vomiting which is what made it so special when I yakked all over the grass outside the Inn. For those of you that missed out on the festivities don’t you worry, its all on tape.

Someone that I know wasn’t there that night but seems to know all about it is Potsdam’s own resident cock sucking queen. I think her name is Tiffany. She was friends with a girl that one of my friends used to date back in the day. Ok, Kurt. So anyways, Kurt dates this girl’s roomie. And what does he discover? That the girl likes to give head. Now I don’t mean likes it as in she gives her boyfriend blow jobs o’ plenty. I mean that she will suck anyone’s dick. You can walk into the place and she says, coffee, soda, or a juicy hummer? This wouldn’t be so bad if she was hot, but she looks like Roseanne after a serious obsession with piercing. Well luckily for me, Tiffany knows all about the milk drinking contest and has repeatedly came up to me to talk. I know I asked to be milked during the contest when I had a half gallon of 2% in my gut. But maybe I should’ve been more specific. Of course the real question is, do I say no if its offered because you know, she’s nasty? Or do I say yes just because it would be so funny to call up Kurt and say guess who just took my load? Such difficult decisions. This combined with hearing about the girl that only takes it up the ass, and takes it from everybody, makes me question my college’s sexual morals (orals?).

Matt and Buttcheeks keep wanting to do more contests with me. Here’s a contest boys, which one of you brings a girlfriend to wing night first. And they’re off!

My phone bill is paid, now I will once again have the joy of Kurt calling me up to say, “you’re gay!” and then hanging up. And I thought I had nothing to do, at least he does it when it’s past 9 for his cell bill.

Two bad things about Potsdam this week. Jersey Girl isn’t opening here on Friday, and porn takes a week to download.

Oh yeah, I saw Secret Window too. Good movie.

2005-09-15T03:44:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 17

Thursday, March 11, 2004

My Day at the Computers

MOOD: Ripe
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Celeb: Metallica

So, I hop on the computers in the library at school for a little while. I had to print things out so I decided to come here. I sit in the middle. To my left is an old gentleman thats just having trouble figuring out how to use e-mail. I tell him where to write the address, and how to click send, and things like that. Its no problem, I have patience. To my right however, is one Jeff Ostrum. Jeff is sporting the Jesus look, ironically paired with a death metal t shirt. I didnt know what death metal band was on the t-shirt, but when you see a bloody Ronald McDonald and bloody golden arches, well, you know its not a band from the Disney channel. So Jeff says hi, I'm sitting here reading wrestling news, (Brock Lesnar you're a fuckin quitter!) and some guy comes up and starts staring at Jeff. Just looks like a stupid frat guy, but he's staring at Toasty Osty. Then he points at Jeff's shirt and says, oh Macabe! See, the band is called Macabe, and its stylized like the McDonald's logo. So the convo goes...
Guy: Oh so youre Macabe?
Jeff: Oh yeah I am
Guy: Well how gory are you?
Jeff: Oh I'm gory, I'm the master of gory
Guy: I'm the master of puppets
Jeff: I am the master of everything
Guy: Yeah you are, ok, see you later

So somehow two guys who have never talked before are united through death metal in the oddest conversation I've ever heard in my life.
But thats all for now, I have to tell the old guy why he can't connect to cbs.com by clicking the instant message button.

Follow up....
This girl sits at the computer by Ostrum, and she knows him through class. She gets up and says "Jeff, make sure no one steals my computer" to which he replies, "Oh sure, I'll do things for you, just make sure you pay me later....in SweetTarts!"
What an odd fellow.

2005-09-15T03:41:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 16

Monday, March 08, 2004

Random Thoughts

MOOD: Bored
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Celeb: Richard Grieco

It’s been a while since I’ve done an update on here, ever since my night of 3 in a row. Oh I remember the last night I had 3 in a row. So tasty, so juicy, and they let me get super size fries too. So what have I been up to lately?

Slacked off in a couple classes, desperately trying to catch up on my readings. Its at this point that I wonder if I’m destined to teach or write over priced novels to sell at Borders. Of course these would have to be packaged as part of the Watertown collection along with the works of Kurt Hunt. That would be book ended with the autobiography of Richard Greico called, “Not only did I use to be on FOX, but I knew Johnny Depp,” and the smash sequel “When Yasmine realized that her career is more successful than mine”.

I thought I had mono a week ago. Turned out I was just really bored. But really, I felt tired and run down and didn’t want any of the food up here, then I remembered I’m in college and the cafeteria doesn’t use any products unless they sport the Food Club label.

There’s a possibility of me making a trip to California this year, depending on how this summer goes. Wait Kurt hasn’t been to CA yet, has he? I sense a disturbance in the force. I should take him with me as a travel companion, and because I make him look that much better. As long as I’m in CA I think I’ll go to San Francisco and round up 5 gay guys to give me a makeover. I’ll take a pass if they offer me a facial though.

I get to go home in a week, already have dining plans, drinking plans, mall walking plans, and of course watching WrestleMaina XX! Oh yeah, and it will be my mom’s 50th birthday too, but that’s not any big deal.

I didn’t watch any movies this weekend, read a couple comics and magazines, and books for class. There wasn’t anything good on TV, I really need this vacation.

Guts proved that there is nothing funnier than writing stuff when you’re drunk and pissed off. But I gotta ask you Guts, is the girl “smokey”?

I went to this weird feminist theater thing the other night. I Am Woman. Its like the Vagina Monologues but done by college kids and not on HBO. Honestly, as I was sitting there all I could think was, I can do better than this. I should write an I Am Man show. Just have dick and fart jokes but balance it out with well written emotional moments. Because really, isn’t that what I’m all about?

Alright, if you think you’re bored reading this, I’m bored writing it. I’ll be back when I have something worth writing.

2005-09-15T03:39:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 15

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Kingdom Hospital review

This is one scary, odd show. Tonight was the 2 hour premier of the first Stephen King weekly TV show. Coincidently there were a lot of commercials for Stephen King's latest movie Secret Window. Hmmmmm. Anyways, the show's main character is taken to the hospital after being hit by a truck. A very spooky scene for 1, remembering a few years back when King himself was severely injured by a truck and 2, for some reason this guy's, I dont know, "spirit animal" is an anteater. A huge, clawed, big sharp toothed anteater. I never knew an anteater could be scary before. It's only the first (and second) episode of the show, and it's tough to see what is going to happen and where the story is going. There seems to be many different levels of reality. And some how the 2 mentally handicapped people that work in the kitchen seem to be on a higher up plane of reality and they know every event that is happening in the lives of everyone inside the hospital. There seems to be many different level of realities in the show. It's going to be a complicated show, and I dont think I could miss an episode without being completely lost the next week. This show needs to come out on DVD, just to make it easier to understand by watching it in one marathon sitting. Speaking of marathon sittings, me and Kurt will be watching Firefly at some point in 10 days or so. Anyone else that would like to watch a cancelled too soon space adventure show can contact Kurt and if he doesnt think youre a fuck, youre welcome to join us. Thats 3 updates today, so Im taking a break for now.... Later.

Comment by Guts:
3 UPDATES????

IN A ROW??????

2005-09-15T03:37:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 14

Lost in America review

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Lost in America (1985)

Had to watch Lost in America today for my Road Films class. Starring Nemo’s dad himself, Albert Brooks. It was a good movie, some really funny parts, but it’s not that classic. It’s a comedic version of Easy Rider. Instead of finding freedom on motorcycles, Al and his wife find it by buying a Winnebago and driving it with no destination in sight. They’re just trying to drop out from society and go wherever life takes them. It’s tough to watch this movie and not think of one Ricky Leone. For one, the logo on the side of the Winnebago looks amazingly similar to one infamous Weezer ‘W’ tattoo. I just hope I’m at the Inn one night when Richard is called Bago. Second Ricky reference is when everything goes wrong for Al Brooks once he arrives in Vegas. And all of it over a woman. I would give the movie a 5 on its own, I enjoyed it but it wasn’t spectacular. However, just due to my amusement over references to Ricky, I’ll move it up to a 7.

2005-09-15T03:35:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 13

Review of The Passion

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: The Passion of the Christ (2004)

I saw The Passion of The Christ tonight. Excellent movie. For those of you, like me, that went to Catholic school, and then became disenfranchised with all of religion (or watched Dogma and had a revelation) then the Passion is for you. The story of Jesus is not this pretty little movie that they usually showed us in school when teacher had a hangover. Damn that Mrs. Percy liked the sauce. And what I never realized before is somehow in all those previous scenes Jesus is on the cross with gleaming white teeth, hair styled, and make up on too. Yet he’s suffering. This film is brutally honest. Lets look at Jesus’ day planner from that week. Thursday: dinner with 12, no, 11 friends. Friday: death. Saturday: Free all the just souls from hell. Sunday: be reborn. Now that’s a pretty intense schedule. And I bitch about waking up in time for classes. But no where on there do I see, get a Botox injection, or have myself a Queer Eye make over day. This movie is bloody, violent, and true. I’m not saying you have to believe in God and everything the Church teaches. I don’t even believe everything. But Jesus lived. Fact. And he was crucified. Fact. This movie, short of an appearance from the Golgothan, shows everything honestly. There is a scene when Jesus is getting whipped that had the entire theater flinch in pain at once. The last time I saw that was when Morpheus spiked his head off of the toilet in the first Matrix movie. A smarter man could draw parallels between Neo and Jesus. Well not necessarily a smarter man, just a man who thinks his friends would give a shit and want to read that. Personally, I believe in God and Jesus, I just don’t believe in the Church. God is infallible, people aren’t. See the movie as just a movie, see it as art, or see it to remember what one Man did before the right wing messed it up. I have to give this movie 10 stars, cuz hey, its Jesus.

2005-09-15T03:28:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 12

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Kevin Smith is evil

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: Chasing Amy (1997)

So I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan. Anything he does I'll watch read, shove up my ass, whatever. Which is why I wanted to share this with you.

Need a good laugh? Here's a very amusing e-mail recently sent to The Tonight Show demanding that Kevin be banned from doing his ROADSIDE ATTRACTIONS segments:

* To Whom It May Concern, I am a representative/agent writing on behalf of Vice-President Dick Cheney and his wife Lynn. Included below is a petition of thousands of hardworking Americans who want to see filmmaker Kevin Smith banned from the Tonight Show. To put it mildly, we are outaged that Jay Leno allows the anti-Catholic, vulgar mouthed filmmaker Kevin Smith to appear on his show as a "Roadside Attraction". Kevin Smith is the maker of films like Clerks and Chasing Amy where he promotes promiscuity, homosexuality, anti-American sentiment and the destruction of the Catholic church. In Smith's film "Dogma" he calls Jesus Christ "a ni***r", makes the lead character the daughter of Christ (suggesting Christ had children!) and makes fun of religious people everywhere. We demand that you ban Kevin Smith from every appearing on the tonight show again. If you do not then we will urge the President not to appear on the Tonight this upcoming election year. We will also do our ! best to convince sponsors of the Tonight Show to drop their sponsorship of the Tonight Show. Kevin Smith is not even a popular celebrity, so Jay Leno can drop Kevin from the show without losing any ratings.

I also have a new picture up today. If you can get references to Clerks then you'll enjoy the pic. Until later true believers!

2005-09-15T03:26:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 11

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Jon Smith

MOOD: Confused

When people think of characters they think of Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny. Visually interesting "people" with distinct voices that do or say things that no one else could get away with. I would add Jon Smith to that list. Jon was an acquired taste. He drove customers nuts and at times drove his fellow employees nuts, but he was always someone you wanted around. He made your day much more interesting. First of every month was entertaining. Jon would get upset over the amount of welfare customers in the store. Usually because he had to pick up after them. He would come up to you and say, "You know why the store is so trashed tonight? Because of all of those (looks around as if he cares, gets real quiet), all of those niggers in here." He would always get caught saying this too. Usually by Ky. JON! You cant say that! "I'm sorry Miss Vollmer, but its true, there have been so many niggers in the store today....." And then he would follow her around the store making her wish she never opened her mouth. Jon was always looking out for us boys at the store too. (Me, Kurt, Matt, etc) why dont you go out with (insert name of any girl at TJ Maxx) Hey, if Jon wasnt going to be messing with them, he wanted one of us to be. He liked to share too. I remember sitting in the back talking to Kelly about STD's for some reason and Jon leaned back and said, "I had gonnorhea once." Theres really no follow up to hearing that comment. He always had words of wisdom for Lisa Harveys children, usually involving heavily sedating them. He always told us how hard he would fuck, well whoever you named. Granted, I thought it, but dammit he said it. The Original Shady Old Guy. Jon, thanks for sharing.

2005-09-15T03:21:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 10

Friday, February 13, 2004

Apology

MOOD: Eek!

I would like to take this forum to publicly apologize to one Kurt Hunt for my stupidity. See, when I moved back to school I accidently left the bag with all my toiletries (shampoo, shit like that) in his trunk. Now, I thought I said something about it to him or Matt when I remembered it the next day, but I guess not. So, thinking (wrongly) that I had told him about it, I never mentioned anything about it since. 3 weeks of cold weather went by and what do you think happened? Sure as shit, the thing broke and leaked out. Well I feel like an ass, and I'll pay to have it cleaned, cuz really it is my own fault for being stupid. But I would like this to be used as a fable for others, dont forget your stuff kids! And if you do, make sure someone knows you forgot it, so they can take care of it before its too late. Well, I just wanted you all to have a nice stupid story of me cuz really, theres not enough of them.

Comment from Kurt:
Well I hope you learned your lesson! When you get a car, I'm going to make sure I leave paint cans in the back seat, without the tops on.

No, its clean, and I got a sweet toothbrush outta the deal! Oh, did you use that?

2005-09-15T03:17:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 9

If he has a girlfriend....?

MOOD: Confused
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Have you ever seen two people, and the girl is far far prettier than what the guy deserves? Like the girl could be on the cover of Maxim and the guy looks like Nick Nolte's mug shot? Well today I was watching MTV Cribs.... Shannon Elizabeth. Now if you've seen this episode you know what I'm talking about. For those that havnt, picture Shannon, damn shes hot. How many times have we seen that scene in American Pie where shes standing in all her naked gloriousness. Or nakedness glory. Shes even more beautiful in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Instant hot, take an already hot girl and add tight black leather, also see Carrie Anne Moss and that chick from Underworld. Anyways, shes beautiful, but the guy shes married to! He's done nothing, but on Cribs they show his stuff too. And whats his stuff? Mixing room? Entertainment system? No! Its a pyramid of Krispy Kreme boxes and Starbucks coffee cups. You fat fuck! If you've ever seen the porno from Kazaa where the petite girl does a hand stand while getting plowed by a hairy tatooed guy (no not Ricky) then I swear you've seen her boyfriend. Which brings me to, how is he banging Shannon Elizabeth and I'm sitting here typing this. Well, its one of two things, either he has money, which I have none, or he has a big crank, which I do too, but isnt publicly known...... yet. Anyways, I just felt like venting on fat dumb fucks with hot girlfriends, because one day someone will have the same complaint about me.

Comment from Kurt:
you have far too much time on your hands

2005-09-15T03:13:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 8

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

What am I doing lately?

MOOD: Ripe
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: 28 Days Later (2003)

As you can see above, I saw 28 Days Later recently. I dont know why, but I've watched a lot of zombie movies lately. I have Night of the Living Dead on DVD but havnt watched it yet. And I cant wait for Shaun of the Dead. Anyways, 28 Days Later isnt just a zombie movie. I think its closer to being like Se7en. The zombies are rage, but then you have lust and sloth and everything else. Its not exact, but I think its trying to say you dont have to be one of these zombies to be a monster. And no one is perfect, no one escapes without some blood on their hands. Well maybe the girl, but shes pretty fucked up towards the end.
Im going to see about being an RA next semester. You'll know which hall is mine because I'm going to use DragonBall Z cards for peoples name tags on the doors.
So Kurts written near 50 pages for his book. I guess the gauntlet has been thrown down, now am I going to pick it up and run with it like a stolen pizza? Or am I going to be lazy and let it lie there like so many pairs of socks? Who knows.

Actual convo the other night. I go by my RA's room and some girl is in there and they're studying. I assume Psych based on the convo, which went something like this.
Girl: So then Freud published his beliefs on fellatio...
Mikael (RA): What is fellatio?
Me (as I'm walking by): Maybe if you ask her nicely she'll show you!

Aint I a fuck?

Comments from Kurt:
Gasp! An update!
a fuck? your fucking gay

guess who? yeah the guys you left your bathroom shit in his trunk and never told him and until he found out it burst the other day

2005-09-15T03:10:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 7

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Movies for Classes

I was going to do this as a list, but the way to do it on here takes too long when you have slow internet.
So these are the books I have to watch for my Road Films class

Heart Beat
Easy Rider
Bonnie & Clyde
Paris, Texas
Lost in America
Rain Man
Thelma and Louise
Lolita
My Own Private Idaho
Smoke Signals

And these two are for my Mythology class

Dogma
Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

Sounds like a good semester.

Comment from Guts:
I have heard a lot of good things about Lost in America....why is Lolita on there??? I was not aware that was a road movie, although I admittedy have never seen it.

2005-09-15T03:05:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 6

Tired

So the other night (Monday night) I was way too tired and just could not fall asleep, so I flipped through the channels to find something that wasnt a late night talk show repeat. Luckily for me AMC was playing Army of Darkness. Now Bruce Campbell is so the man. Not everyone could pull off a comedy/horror but he does it without trying. Its just such a great movie, right up there with Evil Dead 2 (and the soundtrack kicks fuckin ass). When the movie ended, I was tired, but not quite enough to fall asleep, so I thought another couple minutes of TV watching would help me pass out. But the next movie was Jaws 2. Man, I havnt seen that movie in years. What a shitty shark movie, and there are lots of shitty shark movies. Jaws (Bruce the Shark) is not a thinking killer or zombie or spirit. Freddy vs Jaws would not work. But in this movie, the descendent of Jaws I seeks revenge on the Brody family, who for some ignorant reason now hate sharks, but still live on a island. Of course, as said in the first movie, "its only an island if you look at it from the water." Or something like that. But sharks dont take things personal and seek out one specific family. These are not super smart sharks, if they were LL Cool J would make a song about them. (Deepest, bluest, my head is like a sharks fin). Anyways, back to Jaws 2: Electric Boogaloo. Its shit, but its still better than Jaws 3-D and Jaws 4: Watch Michael Caine climb out of the water with a dry, ironed shirt on. So after watching Jaws 2, I was too awake to fall asleep, luckily I had a Sly Stallone movie up next to keep me awake. And what better Classic then Death Race 2000. Now this is a shitty movie. In a post apocalyptic future (cuz really, is there any other kind?) the main sport in the US is a once a year car race. The way to win the race is to kill as many people as possible on your trip from point A to point B. Old people and children are worth more, as they should be. Throw in a corrupt president, a resistance movement, a spy, and you still have a shitty movie. The star of which is Frankenstein, the only driver to survive 2 previous Death Races. Im sure when the movie was written there was something to be said about society and its obsession with violent sporting events. But any of these points had to be edited for the most important thing in a script, more explosions! But anyways, that was my movie night, how was yours?

Comment from Guts:
its Deepest Bluest....my HAND is like a shark's fin

why the fuck would someone's HEAD be like a sharks fin???

2005-09-15T03:03:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 5

Road Films

MOOD: A-OK

So I'm taking a Intro to Film: Road Film class this semester. Every Wednesday we watch a movie about travels on the road and then discuss it and what it means in the big picture of literature. Dont worry Guts, I'll have a list of all the films later, I just dont feel like digging out the sylabus right now. So the first film was Heart Beat, starring a young and combed Nick Nolte. This is a movie about Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady, the author and the inspiration behind the classic novel "On the Road" The book has too much in it to actually make a good movie, so this movie takes scenes from the movie, plus tales from the biographies of both men to show their journey. Jack wants only to write and to have something to write about. Neal is driven by pussy, and getting loaded and high. Between the two of them they live life to the fullest, screw people over, become famous, become assholes, and then have a nice little happy ending. Now I know it may be hard for some of you reading this to picture two friends, one thats quiet and one thats driven by excess, having adventures together, but please, try to keep an open mind. Its a quiet little movie, not one I would run out and buy, but if its on TV check it out. However the book is where the story really is, and whenever I finish it I'll have a review up for you. Oh I know you just cant wait!

2005-09-15T03:01:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 4

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Weird dreams

MOOD: Fearful

So last night I had all these zombie dreams. I was looking at Dawn of the Dead and things like that at Borders. When I feel asleep it was like a world combining Maxx Payne 2, Resident Evil and Watertown. Well, Resident Evil and Watertown are known for having lots of people that dont realize theyre already dead. So I guess the dream makes sense. It was me and some other crew of people trying to kill the zombies, but I had no weapon. So instead Im throwing pipes and wood and all this other crap lying around at them. I woke up before I saw if I lived or died, which I guess is good, because youre not supposed to die in dreams. As proven in Nightmare on Elm Street. Which, FYI, Elm Street is an acutal street in my home away from home of Potsdam NY. So you may say whatever, but it is The Elm Street. Some shit went down there years and years ago and the original writer of Elm Street based the story of Freddy on it. I think I'm done rambling today, I'll be back with more comments later.

2005-09-15T03:00:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 3

So I was wrong

MOOD: Confused

So it has come to my attention that my first journal entry was wrong. Alaska is the 49th state, not the 50th. Hawaii is small but has lots of hot girls wearing next to nothing, beautiful scenery and lots of beaches. And fuckin volcanoes. Alaska has snow snow, eskimos, Guts and lots and lots of empty space of land. Oh yeah, and a pack of Vampires too. Go read 30 Days of Night. Type it in on Amazon or something, great book. So heres to the 49th state. Official motto, "Hey! We were here before Hawaii."

2005-09-15T02:47:00.000-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes Post 2

What did I do tonight?

MOOD: Ripe
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: Big Fish (2003)

It is, oh, Weds night/Thurs morning for 1/21 1/22 and around 2AM Thurs, so what did I do tonight? Lets see I woke up around noon, showered, dressed all that good stuff and went out to Sams Club to buy a new computer. Its a cool thing, better than the one I have at home. Having a computer is one of those penis extending moments. Its like yeah I have something cool. And yes, I have had those moments before. Ass. No, I dont remember when, but they're there, oh yes, they are. So I came home and screwed around by the computer. And by screw around I mean played CKY2K. Classic movie, if you can call it a movie. Let's see I had a little dinner then went to the mall with Kurt and Matt. Nothing too exciting there, cuz hey, its the mall. But theres no where else to go unless I felt like getting crushed. So we left the mall, checked out Staples and Matt bought a new keyboard after his mom had spilled something on it, ohhh, about a year ago. Lets hear it for punctuality! We ran into Alans girlfriend Rebecca there. Watch out Alan! Not for me of course, yeah she would, yeah, she'd turn me down in a second. Like right now. So we left there, watched Smallville and Angel and I read the Fray graphic novel by Joss Whedon. Excellent book, I was impressed. Matt fell asleep in the chair so of course the best way to wake him up is to have my ass hanging out in front of his face and then hit him. Oh what a way to start a morning. I think I'll now call my buttocks Folgers cuz its a real eye opener. Matt was playing with his new jacket, ohhhh, its got 2 zippers, well aint that some shit. So I felt like a fool after I laughed at his "broken jacket". Oh its not broken, its just 2 zippers, oh haha. Yeah, see, it really isnt that funny. But a broken jacket wouldve been. After that it was South Park and the Chappelle Show then back to here where this is all Ive done all night. Quite the life isnt it? Party down all!

Anyways, this has become long and ridiculous, much like a horse penis. So thats all for tonight.