Kevin and Caitlin’s Cross Country Travel Journal Part 1
Well, it’s taken me a week to finally write this up. I don’t know why I waited so long (laziness you say, and are probably right). Anyways, six days, 3000 miles, and an infinite number of times playing the Buffy musical CD (which, the longer you listen to it the more parody lyrics one comes up with. Also, I can’t stop mocking Anya’s line “Beady eyes is right, we’re needed” by saying it in my most annoying and nasally way.) On with the notes on the trip. I think it might be best to do this in bullet points because there was really no rhyme or reason to what caught our eye.
Thursday, May 25, 2006.
- For some reason I think that “Ram-slayer” is a good name. For a child? A pet? An angry animal that eats rams (chupacabra)? I don’t know. But Ramslayer is there.
- We stop for a good while at the Country Junction, otherwise known as the “World’s Largest General Store”. And when they say large, they mean it, 4 acres of land full of crap. Wonderful, “I need to spend money now” crap. This included a giant statue of an ape with a button that reads, “Press here to hear the sounds of Africa.” Being a button-pusher, I push, to hear the delightful sound of about 2 minutes worth of ape farts. This immediately becomes the greatest store ever. In addition to crap to buy, there’s a haunted house, fair rides, and a mini golf course. Another trip is planned for the fall.
- We pass a sign around mile 111 of I-80 in PA that reads, “Highest point on I-80 East of the Mississippi” This leads to a few minutes of enthusiastic clapping because we were high (buh dum dum). It might be more interesting if I wrote down how high up we were, but that would have made sense.
- We drove from Monmouth U. in Jersey to Brookville, PA this day.

Friday, May 26, 2006
- For some reason I look over to Caitlin and say, “your eyes match your ass, because they’re both beautiful.” I am then thrown out of the car.
- We were listening to a lot of audio books on this trip. One of them, Homicide Special, had the great line, “I’m temporarily unemployed because my prostitute is dead.” I loved it so much I had to share.
- Some radio station advertises a night club with “DJ Sticky Boots”. We have either officially run out of DJ names or some bar needs to hire a janitor. Now.
- Caitlin almost punches a cashier at a rest stop. It went something like this:
Caitlin - “Do you have any stamps?”
Cashier - Silence
Repeat this 4 times! And its not like Caitlin was just being quiet, although she is at times. No, this woman just decided to flat out ignore her. Then she rings up our order (postcards for which we needed said stamps), smiles and says thank you. You know, I want to retype that to get the full humor across but maybe it just wastn that funny.
- This was also where the “find a license plate from all 50 states” game started. We found 44 out of the 50 by the end of the trip. I’m sure we would have found all 50 if we started the game a day earlier.
- We see a sign that says “Family Harvest Center”. To which I say, “Mmm… looks like a good crop of cousins this season.” Caitlin attempts to throw me out of the car again.
- This is also where we notice that my testicles keep trying to escape from my shorts. Some would say no, its that my shorts ride up when I sit down. But no, I instead believe that it is because my testicle is an escape artist by the name of Harry Ball-dini!
- We see a sign for a Skydiving Resort which leads to this exchange:
“Do you have any reservations?”
“Only about jumping out of a plane.”
- There are vending machines for both Coke and Pepsi in front of a 24 hour Adult video store. For those that are bi-soda.
- Caitlin pees next to a man in a restroom. Read that again. There are 3 stalls, left to right is Caitlin, an empty stall, then a waitress at Chili’s. Someone goes into the middle stall and Caitlin and the waitress notice that the feet are pointed the wrong way. Caitlin is too scared to come out, but the waitress does.
Waitress: “Sir, do you know you’re in the ladies room?”
Man: “You’re shitting me.”
Waitress: “No. Do you see any urinals?”
Man: “Oh my God, no!”
The man runs out, Caitlin and the waitress share a laugh. I have more complimentary nachos and guacamole dip.

This is long and I’m only a couple days into it, so I’m going to break off the travel log into sections.