Kevin and Caitlin’s Cross Country Travel Journal Part 3
Monday May 29, 2006

- We keep seeing signs for this hotel/resort/ whatever called “Little America”. I think it’s for white supremacists, or at least racists whites. Its everything you need in one area, and out of nearly 50 huge road signs for it, there was not one non-white on any of them.
- This led to a fun game for you too to play in Utah. “Count the minorities”. We found 1 in 8 hours, and that was at a gas station.
- Caitlin starts to sing the “Salad Pants” song. Damn I wish I could remember some of it now.
- I see a grocery store called “Loaf N’ Jug”. This becomes the greatest store name ever in my mind.
- An 18-wheeler in front of us is missing the “D” off of part of its paint job. The sign now says, “we hire safe rivers” instead of drivers. This leads to many jokes about how safe a river can be, and if rivers can drive.
- We spend a few hours driving through the desert. There are tons of rocks on the side of the road that people have made words out of. A lot of I *heart* you, and so and so was here. We drive too fast to see all of them, but its cool nonetheless.
- Salt Lake City area, the Great Salt Lake, all of it is beautiful. Probably one of the most amazing places I’ve ever been.
- The audio book we’re listening to today had a line that I had to make a joke out of:
CD- “The house is dark and foreboding.”
Me - “There’s a lake?”
Caitlin - “What?”
Me - “For boating.”
- There is a chain of fast food places out here called King Kong burgers. I ask if the chicken sandwich is called Kong Cock or if when Kong sheds they all have Fur burgers.
- I try to stretch and accidentally punch myself in the butt. I’m talented.
- My attempt to bother Caitlin leads to the Kumquat-Patties story.
Me - “How about now? Now? Now? What about now? Now? How about now?”
Caitlin - “Know what I pride myself on? Being able to ignore you.”
Me - “Know what I pride myself on? Having balls the size of kumquats.”
Caitlin - “Do you know how big kumquats are?”
Me - “No. But they sound big.”
We tell Patti this story on the phone…
Patti - “Well Caitlin calls me “Kumquat Sasquatch Beardface””.
Me - “Aha! See, when I said Kumquat, I meant my balls were the size of Patti.”
Caitlin - “No, I don’t think that’s what you meant.”
Me - “Sure it is. Look at me, I’m carrying two big ole patties in my pants.”
Caitlin - “Ew honey, ew.”

Tuesday May 30, 2006
- For some reason we decide that Charlie, the teddy bear key chain, has a gas problem. Now he makes bear farts every time someone picks him up.
- We meet a charming gay guy at a Pilot gas station.
Me - “Maybe the gay kid at Pilot was impressed with me trying to suck a Frosty through a straw.”
Caitlin - “Maybe. Maybe he said, ‘hey that Frosty is a lot like my cock -- brown and cold.”
- I have something written down about the Lake Tahoe story, but I have no idea what that means. Maybe I’ll remember later.
- I know we’re in California when I see a license plate that says “FOR SHIZ”.
- I suggest that next Halloween Caitlin and I dress as Willow and Tara from Buffy. “Then I can sing and float whilst you perform oral sex on me.”