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Hope you all enjoy my possibly daily thoughts. Comments? E-mail them to me or IM me, that way I dont get ads.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Retail Bathrooms!

I wrote up a resume this week and wow, I’ve worked a lot of shitty jobs. What better way to take all of you through memory lane than with “Kevin’s jobs and the bathrooms at them!”
First thing, retail sucks. I want Rite Aid to be my last retail job ever. Might not be, never know, but I would like it to be. I had my first job (other than summer jobs) when I was 18 at a retail place. Here it is 10 years later and I have a bottom rung of the ladder retail job. No more I say! Anyways, on with the show…

1.) Roland’s of Chesapeake Beach, MD. I was 16 and worked here for the summer that I stayed with my Dad. I don’t remember much of the place. I’m sure it had a bathroom but I can’t remember a thing about it.

By the way, I’m going to write something more meaningful about past jobs, and many things in my past later on. I’m just on a toilet kick tonight.

2.) SugarCreek on Arsenal St. Oh this place sucked. The bathroom was in between the supply closet and the car wash. So to go out to the car wash you had to walk through the bathroom, and vice versa. Any time I sat to take a Count Dooku (thank you Venture Bros.) I was worried someone would have to cut through there to get a broom or something. “Don’t mind me, just passing through.”

3.) Majic 103.1 with Johnny and Erika. Small radio station. It had a nice toiley. The odd thing was that there was only one potty for the men and women that worked there. And no handicap access either, which is great when your country DJ has one leg.

4.) Hills. Wow, I hated this job too. The upstairs employee bathroom was like a sauna. Metal roof, lot of stink, and no windows nor air filters. It got so bad I would leave the store, even for a pee, and go use the mall food court bathroom. Probably why I have no fear of it today. Crabs be damned!

5.) Staples. An awful place that fired me after a month. Alright bathroom. It wasn’t alright after I kept using it (as a customer) and not flushing. Feel my fecal wrath! You want me to clean it up? Press your precious “Easy” button and see what happens.

6.) Aussie Outfitters. I loved this job. Hang out at the mall all day in a rarely shopped at store. This is where I started reading a lot again, and found a love of anime (Damn you Pokemon Game Boy!) I think the best time was when I thought I was alone. I go into the bathroom, no shoes on (I never wore shoes behind the counter then), and proceed to make a lot of noise along with a running commentary of what was going on. (“Oh wow, did I do that?) When I get out, wet paper towel in hands, I see two of my friends who have sold 3 shirts to a customer that was waiting for me to ring up the order. Luckily, they could hear my commentary and knew when I was finishing up.

7.) Price Chopper. It is never a good idea to have to use a bathroom in the middle of a store remodel. Chopper used to have the worst bathrooms in the city. My second day I was asked to clean the men’s room. I walked over, opened the door, closed it, and told them I’d rather be fired then clean that. It looked like someone’s knees didn’t work, so they bent over at the waist and sprayed their mess all over the wall and everything next to it. Later as I grew to hate the job I would hide out in the bathroom. Not to do anything toilet related, but just sit there and read and try to not get caught. After I left I found out that some people thought I was sick and had constant diarrhea.

8.) TJ Maxx. Currently the worst bathroom in the city. You know how most stores have those powerful toilets? The ones where the water shoots away so fast you wonder if it could pull your face in there too. If that was an area you would put your face, that is. Well TJ Maxx doesn’t have one of those. Instead it has your usual home quality, 2 gallons at most toilet. This would be fine if 2 or 3, even 4 people used it daily. But not every other customer. And not after these customers have been to either Applebee’s or the Greek place, or the Chinese buffet. Messy messy customers. While working here, I swung a plunger like Babe Ruth swung a baseball bat: drunk. Constantly a disgusting part of my day. And the women’s bathroom was always the worst. It looked like 5 women decided to abort little black or brown (occasionally green, what did you eat?) babies all at once. Then not flush. And ladies, those little trash boxes are for your napkins, use them, or I’ll wipe your mouth with said napkins next time you leave them on the floor.

9.) Rite Aid. Not a bad bathroom. Nothing special either. It’s funny to see wrappers for stolen merchandise in there every so often. We don’t clean it nearly enough though. I think the same wad of paper towel has been there for a week. Not bad, not a treat either. Much like the job really.

Now that I’m done I wonder if I could have written something comparing my happiness at a place to the quality of the bathroom. Ah well, I’m too tired to do such a thing now and my tummy’s rumbling.


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