This is part of my (about) 20 page paper for a grad class I'm taking. The paper will be about labels and what makes someone gay. It's also a personal essay about my experiences with all varieties of "non-heterosexuals". If you enjoy it, let me know and I'll put up some more. If not, well, screw you.

I went to an LGBTA (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender association) meeting to discover what exactly it means to be “non-heterosexual”. As is my habit, I put up an away message for my instant message program on my computer. The first response I see upon returning home two hours later is from one of my male friends that wrote, simply, “gay”. How does one’s choice of meetings make him gay? To take that further, what makes any one gay? Is being gay in a person’s words or actions? Is the title of gay a title that is self-given or one that others put upon someone, either forcefully or as an embrace? Through interviews, research, and personal journals I will hopefully come up with an answer for what makes someone gay. I have a feeling the answer will be more complicated then, “they are boys that like boys or girls that like girls”.
Before coming to a university my experience with anyone homosexual was very limited, and sadly only perpetuated stereotypes. There were people in high school that everyone suspected was gay, mostly because they had the gay stereotype posture or speech. However, there is no way I can confirm anything from that time. Later in life I met “Big Gay” Harold through friends. Harold was about 120 pounds and was only called “Big Gay” as a tribute to Big Gay Al on South Park. Harold was a part of my social circle because he was willing to buy alcohol for all of us while we were under age. However, he also had a disease of the mouth that went unchecked, so unchecked that it was noticeable to anyone talking to him. Harold had an STD that had spread in his mouth, and hadn’t gone to a doctor for it. The disease eventually ruined his gums and led to major oral surgery and dentures. While I felt bad for him, this confirmed one of the few things I had heard about homosexuals. They are sexually promiscuous.

Man 1: I just saw the Earth through the clouds.
Man 2: Did it look round?
Man 1: Yeah, but I didnt think it saw me.

I have the best girlfriend. I show her this picture...



and she responds by saying...
"haha i am a couch, rar i eat people"

I dont know why but that made me laugh out loud at almost 2am.

I went to eat lunch in Lehman the other day and wanted some turkey. So I ask the girl working behind the counter do cut me a slice or two of turkey from the huge carcass they had on the table. She starts to cut it then looks at me and says, "actually I think this is ham."
Hmmm....
Well in case any of you have this problem, THIS is ham...



and THIS is turkey...



Notice the subtle differences. Like, the fact that one is pink and one is white. Or one comes from a pig and the other a bird.

Yes, stupid server girl, I can see where you might be confused. And you have shown me a reason why you are on that side of the counter, and I am on the educated side.

My Night with Cingular:

So for some reason my phone wasnt working tonight. Ok, I know why it wasnt working. Its because I went to type in my PIN and I didnt know it. So I typed in the wrong thing, got locked out of my own phone. Now my phone is asking for some PKG number or something like that. I type in every number thats in my service manual. Nothing works. Finally I go to use a pay phone and call. Oh guess what, its too late at night for the service lines to be open. I try a few other numbers and finally find an after hours call service. I explain to the woman what happened to my phone, and what codes my phone is now asking for. The woman says, "well its a good thing you didnt keep trying numbers or else you would have fried your phone." That's right. If I had tried one or two more numbers my phone's security feature would've switched on and deleted all information from my phone. Anyways, luckily she told me a code to put in and my phone seems to be just fine. It made me nervous and pissed me off, but overall I have to say I'm very happy with Cingular's service right now.

Guess what I got in my email today? That's right, I was Nigerian scammed. For those fo you that dont know what that is, check here:
www.tnunn.ndo.co.uk/niger1.htm


Dear Kevin,

I am Mr. Abii Debe, staff of Citco Trust & Finance House Accra Ghana,I am
the Credit management and recovery manager with the Company office in Ghana
before I was transfered to our head office here in Lagos Nigeria, Late
Engineer Wilson Kevin was my personal Client before he died in an accident,
he was a contractor with Shell Development Company and he is from your
Country.

On the 21st of April 2002, Engr. Wilson, his wife and their two children
were involved in a car accident along Platue express road and all occupants
of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Before the time of his
death, he had a deposit of $14.5Million which he decleared as family
treasure in the Finance House Accra office where I was working then, which
is only I and his lawyer knows the true content, Unfortunately, till this
moment no person has come as his relation for his chattels with us. I
humbly request your attention to this matter so that I can present you as
his next of kin and beneficiary to his chattels. It is not a very difficult
thing to do and it will not take time.

All I will need is to put your name and particulars as his next of kin to
in our computer database and we file in an application for the release of
the fund. It does not necessarilly mean that you must be in Ghana to
conclude the deal, we may request that the money be sent to Europe for your
collection.

Please contact me as quickly as possible through this email address
(a_debe041@yahoo.com) treat this matter as very important and confidential.

When I hear from you ,we shall discuss the terms of sharing of the money
after the claim.Contact me now so that I can deligate the Attorney who is
also going to be part of the deal.I await your urgent response.

Best regards,

Mr Abii Debe

Now a few thoughts,
One, you can see the mass email part of this immidiately. I can collect the money conviently in Europe. (I live in America.) The dead man shares part of my name. No reason is given for why I was picked out of the millions (and millions...) of people online.
If anyone is suckered into this, they deserve to be for being greedy.
I was going to delete the email address that was included in this email and then I thought fuck it. They dont deserve to be protected. They're not even human.

Dont forget to watch TNA Saturday at 11pm on Spike TV.

CM Punk

Seriously, watch whatever you can of this man.

Love your hate, your faith lost, you are now one of us! [x3]

Nothing, From nowhere, I am no one at all
Radiate, Recognize, One silent call
As we all form one dark flame
Dance in array!

Nothing, From nowhere, I am no one at all

Radiate, Recognize, One silent call
As we all form one dark flame
As we all form one dark flame
As we all!

Love your hate, your faith lost, you are now one of us! [x3]