Scary Night

I had a very scary night. It was only for about 2 hours but that was enough. Anyways, due to the events of this night I just want to publicly say that I love Caitlin.

I love you Caitlin and I hope you never go away. Muah.

Another forgotten DieselDecent web site.



I typed my name in on Google. I cant believe how many times I've started one of these and then forgotten. Absolutely ridiculous. Anyways, here's another one. I'll copy paste my at least 2 year old, "things I find funny" list. Wow I give up on things a lot.

Things That I Find Funny

Just a list of things always guaranteed to put a smile on my face.

Fat retarded people eating ice cream

Retarded people getting in fist fights at the mall

Retarded people falling

Fat people falling

Old people falling

Retarded fat old people falling

Hell, pretty much anyone falling

Blind people walking into walls

Drunk people falling, especially after they forget to pull up their pants

Ben passed out on a toilet with a straw hat

Amazons

Drunk Asians

Ben Smith eating ice cream
(see fat and retarded)

Cool Whip heated in the microwave

How'd that go again?

Seals

Animal crackers

Gigantic moons

Sending dumb ass text messages and making you pay 10 cents everytime

Hello Pot?
Yes.
This is Kettle, you're black!

So, what are you wearing today?
Hoodie and a ball cap.
Son of a bitch!

Scordo, would you like to go to Denny's?
No Ben I'm tired.
Ok then, I'll pay for you.
Ben, perhaps you're missing the point.

NewYear's Heave.

The Library

I turned on the word verification thing for comments. So comment if youre a real person, go away if youre an ad. There, now Matt and Guts can comment on how long I'll do this for.

Fox Sunday 9/18

Simpsons was great. So much better than last week. The first act seemed a little too Family Guy. Show picked up after that, had more of the intelligent humor I expect from Simpsons rather than the pop culture orgy that is Family Guy.
Skipped War at Home. I just dont care.
Family Guy. So funny. Peter eating Joe's legs. Quagmire playing "I never" was gold. And Stewie's song. "I like tea and cakes at tea and cake time."
American Dad. Stan's self discovery was good, but I loved Roger in this episode. For some reason the pancreas got me.

I dont feel like going any more in depth this week.

This is Eddie Griffin




and this is Eddie Griffin's cat

Random Emmy Thoughts


Pre-Show
Debra Messing says it’s the last year for Will and Grace. My response, why the fuck is Will and Grace still on?
Star Jones is half the woman she was. And its still the ugly half.
I get Portia DiRossi and Drea DeMateo confused from a distance.
Hurley from Lost (Jorge Garcia) looks like a fucking pimp in a tux.
Jennifer Garner still looks hot pregnant.
Black Eyed Peas performs and not one close up of Fergie? The show immediately goes downhill for me.
Donald Trump singing Green Acres was hilarious. I hope the rest of these Emmy Idols are as funny.
Why the fuck is the Blue Man Group on? Arent they a little overdone at this point? Yeah it looked kinda cool though.
Its just cool seeing Jason Lee on an awards show. I hope My Name is Earl is successful
Lauren Graham and Jennifer Love Hewitt on stage together. Reminds me of a dream I’m going to have tonight.
Best part is the nominations for best writing on a comedy/variety show. They always put up weird things because they know no one cares. Conan did a romance book cover type thing, but Da Ali G Show showed stills from gay porn. Too funny.
I need to watch more of The Daily Show. Maybe there’s a pod-casting. Oh wait, I need an iPod too.
Best part of the night.
Dave Letterman does the Johnny Carson tribute. A nice kick in the ass to Jay Leno, but I gotta admit Letterman is the right choice. Thing is, you know Conan is going to be the one to do the tribute to Letterman in however many years. You know, 30 years is an amazing record. I cant think of one show now that is going to be around for 30 years. Not Leno, Letterman, Conan, um whoever took Craig Kilborn’s place. Maybe Raw will be on that long, but you’ll never see a tribute to Raw on the Emmys. This is possibly Letterman’s best speech ever. Right up there with his return post 9/11.
Family Guy clips have been great. Weird that they’re competing against themselves though. I hope these clips are a DVD bonus or something later.
I usually cant stand Macy Gray, but her voice was perfect for the Jeffersons Emmy Idol.
I think Quentin Tarantino should have won for directing CSI, but a Lost win is alright. I didn’t expect JJ Abrams to look like that though. Older I guess.
Holy shit Jon Stewart’s pre-taped commentary is classic. This is the guy that should be hosting Tonight Show, not Conan.
I just don’t care about the TV movie, mini-series awards stuff. Really if you don’t watch the show, then it just doesn’t matter. Yeah yeah, watch Arrested Development. I know, great show, blah blah, I still don’t care.
Ok, Star Trek Emmy Idol is my pick now. I thought they were going to sing the words, which exist but no one knows them. This is much better. They have a lot of geeks watching tonight because of Lost, may as well throw them a little something extra.
Excellent tribute to the news anchors. News isn’t supposed to be edgy and hip and a ratings winner. It felt like they were kinda pissed off at the networks. There is a certain amount of news overkill though. I’ll take MSNBC any day. Yes, I know they’re the least watched. I don’t care.
Felicity Huffman wins! Oh, its not for Sports Night. Ah well, good for her anyways.
And suddenly Medium will be picked up for another season. The best part is this just makes her even more successful than her brother. Former WCW Champion, David Arquette.
Good in memoriam piece but where was Mitch Hedberg?
After this, there wasn’t a whole lot else I really cared about on the show, I have to admit. I was thrilled Lost won for best drama, but I would’ve liked to have seen more of the cast. Come on Evangeline Lily and Maggie Grace get all dressed up and get no TV time? Well it bookends the evening with no close ups of Fergie.

That’s it. I’m moving on to more posts now.

Ignore me, I'm just trying something with a picture. This post doesnt concern you. Move along.

There is a guy in my building in a wheelchair. He has no legs. Cut right off at the knees. The dry erase board on his door says, "why cant I find a decent pair of shoes?" I dont know if he has a sick sense of humor or his friends do, but either way I was impressed.

Gulf Coast Looters

Buy this shirt at T-Shirt Hell

They are not looting the fish, they are finding food.

Surivor September 15, 2005

Season debut. Lot of whiny bitches already. Mostly the men. You can just tell its gonna be a good season when people are puking and passing out the first day. But the best part? One of the mysterious returning Survivors was Stephanie! Let's see how she looked last season...

TV Review For September 11, 2005
Sunday Night Heat
Simpsons
The War at Home
Family Guy
American Dad




This is the only Sunday Night Heat picture I could find. A little dated, I know. Anyways best part of the show was Matt Striker (former NYC school teacher fired when it was discovered he took a sick day to go to Japan to wrestler. WWE capitalized on the publicity and hired him. Lucky guy.) took on Johnny Parisi (formerly Swinger). Good match, I hope neither guy gets fired once Heat is cancelled. Also Danny Basham debuted his new dark gimmick. I never cared for the guy before but I really like this gimmick. I hope it goes somewhere.
No pic of the gimmick, but this is what Danny Basham looks like



SImpsons was absolutely horrible. Just terrible. If this season doesnt get better than it needs to be their last. Once more Marge gets mad at Homer and leaves, finding a new love interest, but coming right back to Homer. Also, Maggie seemed to just disappear in this episode. Maybe I wasnt paying attention but it seems like they forgot she exsits. Much like the other girl on Family Matters that they got rid of the second or third season then she went on to do porn.

Anyways, some Simpsons pics for you.




War at Home...wow. So bad. Just fucking terrible. I'm sorry, there's no other word to tell how bad this was. Please die a quick death. And I like Michael Rappaport too.


Family Guy
Best part was definitely Stewie. I didnt care for the James Woods stuff at all. But Stewie playing Marco Polo with Helen Keller was great. And Stewie playing peek-a-boo with Peter was absolutely hilarious. I was quoting it 3 minutes later. (Did I just say 3 minutes? All of a sudden two big Samoans kick your ass.)



American Dad



Sooooo funny. Best part of the night by far. "Stan do you know what I was thinking of last night while I was looking at the back of your daughter's head?" "Stan do you have any Gatorade? I seem to have left all of my electolytes in your daughter." And these lines being delivered by Patrick Stewart immediately makes them 10 times funnier. It might just be funnier than Family Guy right now.

Smackdown 8/25/05 Review

I finally watched this episode. I dont want to go into too much detail on anything, because I want to get to other reviews. So let's just go with what's important. Who should you watch? Well this man...

...is going to be a star. His name is Ken Kennedy....kennedy. You just have to see him. Amazing on the mic, is only going to get better in the ring.

Best thing on Smackdown? MNM
Just to show you a little something something I'm going to put up some pics of Melina, currently my favorite WWE Diva. Seriously, MNM's music is awesome, they have an amazing gimmick and they're actually really good.





That's all for now, I'm just going to look at these pics for a few minutes. Well, the parts with Melina in them that is. Or Melina's parts. Take your perverted pick.

Porn I watched but didnt want review

Review 1: Jordan Capri

So I had heard a lot about this girl. One of the many, yet few, girls that get their own web site and strip and/or have sex and somehow get this cult following. So at some point I must have seen her name somewhere and I checked it out. Anyways, all this video was is Jordan talking to the camera and answering questions that her fans “demanded”. Really the whole point is to take her clothes off, repeat that she’s 18 and is lonely. Then she asks for stuff. Point being, its boring as hell but you keep watching it because, it’s a naked girl.
This relates to something I learned in playwriting class this week. You can have the best monologue ever but if the character just stands or sits there and talks, it gets boring. There has to be action. Walk around the stage, pick something up, throw something. Or in this case, get naked. Makes sense, I ended up watching this for 8.20 minutes. But anyways, its boring. A definite delete.

Pictures of Jordon

Abe Lincoln, the Wrestler

Caitlin and I were talking and for some reason I felt an appropriate response would be, “other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the show?” She doesn’t hear me properly and thinks I said, “how was the Michelle/missed shell?” She knows I’m going for a word pun, but isn’t sure what that pun is. After straightening out my words we goof around and the conversation becomes, “how was the Big Show?” This led to me making a joke, “tonight on Raw, the Big Show and Abraham Lincoln vs. Snitsky and John Wilkes Booth.” After that, there was no turning back for me. I made joke after joke. “Lincoln locks in the Emancipator. Booth hits Lincoln with a chair! My God, he looks like he’s been shot! Lincoln goes for the figure four score leg lock.” And of course Booth: “Lincoln, you may have freed the slaves. But tonight there will be no freedom for you when you’re trapped in a 15 foot high steel cage!”

More MySpace Posts



Adding me to your myspace (Read First)

I got 163 new requests to be people's myspace friend. I dont have time to look at that many pages. I want people I actually know and/or a couple of intelligent people I dont know. So before people start adding me, read first.

1, if your page gives me seisures or it looks like you have ADD I'm not adding you. This includes having 10 different video clips on your page. It looks like the tv from Back to the Future II.

2, If youre looking for someone "special", keep looking. I already found my special person. Its not you.

3, If your name is I poop monkeys or touch my balls or something like that, I'm going to assume you're an idiot. Not clever. So I wont be adding you.

That's all for now, I'll add more later.

MySpace Post Part 2

Random Wrestling Posts



History of Philadelphia Wrestling

I just thought this was cool. DOI is usually crap, the message board is horrible. But this article is cool. Click the link to read it.

http://www.declarationofindependents.net/doi/pages/reviews/mic_reviews/mcpinions85.html



CM Punk

I just gotta say, I love whatever it is Ring of Honor is doing with CM Punk and the ROH World Title. For once in wrestling I'm totally clueless as to what will happen next. And thats cool, like Carlito.

I'm going to just put up a few pics of CM Punk

Old MySpace Posts:

I really dont feel like adding all of these individually. So I'm going to add in clumps. But not Eddie Murphy in make up clumps, those are Klumps.

Anyways, these are my posts as WWE released wrestlers. As you can see I was quite pissed off about all of it.


WWE Releases

WWE on Tuesday, July 5 released the following...

Akio

Billy Kidman

Mark Jindrak

Gangrel

Shannon Moore

Maven

Who gets fired and who keeps their jobs will never make sense to me. Ring of Honor and TNA are going to get some good talent soon though. I hope to see a Tough Enough reunion in TNA with Maven and Nidia. Ok, any excuse to see Nidia again.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Two more

Spike Dudley and Kevin "Mordecai" Fertig were also released from WWE. All this is doing is giving ROH, TNA, etc more of my money so I can watch the wrestlers I like. You know, when I have money again. Pesky bills. They chase me like gnats. And donuts.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


More Releases

WWE keeps firing people today. I so want TNA or any other promotion to get a good TV deal and have some competition again.

Fired today, Bubba Ray, D-Von, and Spike Dudley, Kenzo Suzuki, Charlie Haas, Jackie Gayda, Matt Morgan, Dawn Marie

I know I'm forgetting some.

Spike Dudley has a good commentary up on his release which you can read at

http://www.1wrestling.com/news/newsline.asp?news=23154

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 3

The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 3

This was the third and final post I made on the old blog.




Friday, November 05, 2004
Who's Next

Surprisingly the one and only time that WWE.com is updated is with this latest group of firings. The names have already been taken off of the superstars lists on both the Raw and Smackdown sites. The question for tonight is, who will be fired next? I will have many more updates later on Friday, but here is my guesses for who will be released next.

Raw
Chris Nowinski (injured)
Mark Henry (not worth the money)
Garrison Cade (injured)
Ivory (they have that new interviewer, I'm sure she can co host WWE Experience as well)
Molly Holly (she wont do the T and A that is required of the Divas)
Rhyno (too short, injury prone)
Rosey (could never get any support after numerous poor storylines and gimmicks)
Stacy Keibler (will follow Test)
Steven Richards (could they have buried anyone anymore then they have Big Stevie Cool?)
Tyson Tomko (injured)
Val Venis (injury storyline, havnt done anything with him for years, why even bother bringing him back?)

Smackdown
Akio (I'm surprised they didnt release him with Sakoda)
Bill DeMott (Tough Enough wont save him this time around)
Basham Brothers (constant gimmick changes, never caught on with the audience)
Dawn Marie (I dont think I've ever seen a Diva given less to do. Would anyone even notice if she was gone?)
Funaki (He's Asian and a male announcer, a double kiss of death in the new WWE)
Nunzio (A clean sweep of the FBI)
Paul London (too short, too pretty, and above all, too good in the ring)
Scotty 2 Hotty (2 Cool is long over, no one cares about the worm anymore, and breaking your neck for WWE is the quickest way to a pink slip. Now if you tear your quad, you have a job for life.)
Shannon Moore (He is a cruiserweight who doesnt even compete in cruiserweight matches.)

None of this looks good for morale, to the fans, to anyone. Now there are rumors that WWE will no longer pay for injuries the wrestlers receive while working in the ring. Roddy Piper was right, there needs to be a union in wrestling.

3:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 2

This was post number 2 on the site.




Release Profile - Gail Kim

Gail Kim

Isnt she absolutely beautiful? How many Asian women have there been in US federations? Not counting the occasional All Japan or New Japan wrestler. I can think of two other than Gail Kim. Leia Meow/Kimona Wanalaya and Hiroko, Kenzo Suzuki's wife. Leia has been out of the wrestling picture for years, leaving us with the images of her dancing at the ECW Arena or dressing like a cheerleader as part of the attempted return of the Varsity Club in WCW. And Hiroko? Please. Even Kamala would look at her as a racist character. So we are left with Gail Kim. Beautiful, talented. One of the few wrestlers to win a title on their debut with a company. And now, unemployed. She won the women's title, was injured, came back from the injury and was teamed with Trish Stratus as part of the heel diva team. She was just on Raw this week. Now the heel team is reduced to Trish and Molly Holly. But would anyone be surprised if Molly was going to be released too? Gail Kim's release shows two things. One, that breaking bones and having breast implants in the WWE does not equal job security. Two, that the WWE has become a lot whiter this week. Rodney Mack, Jazz, Nidia (now that she is announced as being from Puerto Rico) and to a point Johnny Stamboli (who was involved in an ethnic gimmick in the FBI) were all released along with Gail Kim. What does the future hold for Gail Kim? Unless TNA starts a womens division (which they absolutely should) I think we can look forward to Wrestling Vixxxens 2.0.

3:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


The Old Angry Fans of Wrestling Blogs Part 1

I tried to start a blog in November 2004, and did nothing with it after a week. But I would like to go blog-crazy when school starts again and I have a lot of sitting in front of the computer time. Anyways, here is one of 3 posts i had on Angry Fans of Wrestling




Welcome to AFW

Welcome to the first edition of Angry Fans of Wrestling. I am 26 years old and I have watched wrestling religiously since WrestleMania III. I have been to Raw, Smackdown, house shows, random Independent shows, and even WrestleMania. I have hours and hours of videotapes that I will never have the time to sit and watch but cannot bear to throw away. I have a bookshelf dedicated to wrestling biographies, the Apter mags, and countless other wrestling related media. In short, for nearly 20 years, since I spent my days watching a tape of WM3 over and over again, to the point where I had every match on the card memorized, I have lived wrestling. A part of me cried when ECW shut down. I wore black the day after Owen Hart died. Half of my cable bill is paying off pay per views. But I cant take it anymore. I will not give up wrestling, it is something I love. However, when something you love is in danger of killing itself you dont walk away. You have an intervention. I want the Angry Fans of Wrestling, the AFW, to be that intervention. As of this writing 10 wrestlers have been fired from WWE. More than likely that number will grow. Dealing with the black eyes is part of being a wrestling fan. Punches are constantly thrown from those that do not understand us. Mainstream media. Phil Mushnick. Even at times Vince McMahon himself. But it has gone too far. In the following posts I will talk about what is wrong, and at times what is right, in wrestling today. I encourage your opinions and any feedback. If this movement can grow, and if we can gain support, then I would like to start public showings of our displeasure. I will first talk about the events of the last week, and some of the last month as well, and wait for feedback. If I am not alone out there then this will continue. We will show the McMahons, the Jarretts, anyone, that the fans will not be treated like idiots any longer.

Thursday, August 04, 2005


Who's next to be released?

Looking back at what I predicted months ago, I had a good guess as to who would be released. Out of my predictions, I was right about
Ivory
Molly Holly
Rhyno
Akio
Dawn Marie
Shannon Moore

Of course there were a ton more that were released, but I didnt see those coming and more than likely neither did they. My next set of predictions are:
Heart Throbs
Sylvian Grenier
Matt Capotelli
Tatanka (why keep giving fat out of shape stars from the past contracts? I'm in just as bad of shape as them. And I work cheaper.)
Jillian Hall

That's it for now. If I dont make a lot of predictions than I cant have a lot of wrong ones.

The Last Remnant from Rotten Tomatoes

I had this picture up on Rotten Tomatoes. I just wanted to share.

Coming soon, the My Space Posts

Followed by, all new original material

This has been the best of DieselDecent

Rotten Tomatoes Post 32

Sunday, May 02, 2004


Sour Suite

CURRENT RATINGS:
ROTTEN: 4/10 4/10 Movie: My Own Private Idaho (1992)

So I go into the bathroom to take a piss, because I’m not drunk and that’s where you’re supposed to piss in such a situation. I look down to aim and what do I see floating in the toilet? Shit? Vomit? Hair? No, it was none of those things. Instead, it was a fucking bar of soap. Now, I’m in a college dorm, the toilet and the shower are separated by a fucking wall. Its not like someone leaned over too far and dropped the soap into the toilet. And, there are trash baskets in the bathroom and another one right outside the door. Apparently neither one of these are worthy of getting rid of soap though. So the half used bar of Dial received a burial at sea. Now the thing that really pisses me off is that I’m paying extra for this. No, not for the soap. I am now using body wash with the poofy brush. Oh yeah, gets all the lil pimples off my back. But, I found out that all this time I’ve paid extra money for the privilege of living in a suite. Privilege? Well, what benefits do I have here in the suite? My room is smaller than the non-suite rooms. But I have a living room. Yes, and it smells like rice and Asian diarrhea. Well, you can take a shower and not have to worry about catching any foot disease. Yes, showers are nice. When you can find the fucking shower head!!! See, Mickael doesn’t like to use the shower head. He feels his showers are better without it. Well, in America we call that a bath. All he’s doing is taking a bath with a higher faucet. Speaking of the damn faucet. I am not a hobbit, but the shower is designed for small people. The shower pipe comes out at my nipples, then curves down. So my balls get a thorough cleaning, which you need to get in college, but I have to pop a squat to wash anything above my waist. And let me tell you, when a fart sneaks out while you’re in a steamy shower its just, damn. The company isn’t that great either. Asians run everywhere. I have no idea why. I think just because people call me Fat Man they expect me to drop an atomic bomb on their heads. (Asshole comment warning) I think they saw all the children running away from the napalm attacks in Vietnam and thought it looked like a clever idea. Only they’re not naked. (Asshole comment ending)

In other news, I’ll be home from school on or near May 21. I’m so ready to leave, and then I’ll be ready to come back.

Just to throw a review in here, I had to watch My Own Private Idaho for my Road Films class. The movie starts at a 0 for the man on man blow job scene that it opens with. Oh yeah, River Phoenix is a male prostitute that only services men. And oh yeah, he has narcolepsy. Add in a writing credit for Shakespeare after stealing most of Henry V and I give it a 4. Why 4? Because I’ve given 3’s and 5’s but never a 4.

Ok, that’s it for now. I’ll have more stories later. Fuck the suite.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 31

Friday, April 23, 2004


Finally an update


Odd fucking night, lets see what happened…

1, I went to a poetry reading today, featuring HBO Def Jam Poetry poet, J-Ivy. And an open mic at the beginning. So, oh yeah, guess who got up there and read a poem. No, not me. Ostrum! That’s right, making a return to the Rotten Tomatoes journal is Toasty Osty. So Jeff gets up there to read his poem. In character. The character is someone who is having an anxiety attack and can't breathe because of his nervousness. So he speaks the poem in a whisper. A death metal whisper. Then he read the second poem. I don’t know what it was about but I’m guessing masturbation. The only reason I say that is because he was jerking off the mic and then looking at his hands before he started reading the poem. It got so bad that people were leaving the room holding their mouths, so the laughter wouldn’t escape. No applause, just a stuttered, um, yeah ok kind of clapping. Then J-Ivy took the stage. The guy was amazing. Def Jam Poetry, hip hop poetry, whatever, is amazing. He’s on the Kanye West CD too. Highly recommended.

2. I went to Potsdam Idol. Some good singing was showcased. But then the twins sang. Together. In harmony. While wearing the same outfit. The same twins that were kicked off of American Idol in round 1 of the second season. Oh yeah, they go here. But what got me is the fat nasty girl we call Miss America, just for irony’s sake. She wasn’t singing, she was just there being annoying. She’s the girl that hacks loogies, doesn’t wear shirts that fit, looks like a man, and is a good 400 pounds. Really nasty. So, she looks up at me, and I’ve never spoken a word to her…. She flips me off. Like for a good 2 minutes. So I look at her, like is she flipping me off or someone sitting in front of me? Well before I could get an answer she decides to cup her flapjacks (by which I mean boobs, not that she brought a tray of pancakes in, although I wouldn’t be surprised) and shake them at me. Oh yeah, biggie was jiggling her nasty not-so-fun bags at me. I still think I’m going to vomit.

Umm, what else? I got a Chinese buffet story coming up. I finally saw Hellboy. I watched some anime this week, Lady Blue volume 1 and Ayane’s High Kick. Other than that I’ll try to do a good update later and more frequently. Laters…..

Rotten Tomatoes Post 30

Rotten Tomatoes Post 30

Tuesday, April 13, 2004


Updated but not Over rated

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I need to become a little more picky with my ratings. If I like a movie but dont love it I give it a 7. Most of my ratings are 7's. Course if I did an update regularly I would have more time to think up some reviews. Everyone has Dawn of the Dead reviews by now, I wont say anything different. Scary baby, watch the credits, zombies run fast, blah blah.
Couple quotes from life for ya
Im Bruce Smith bitch, enjoy yourself.
Theres the face of a champion
Hey Ben, I bet you wish the tea bagging fairy Passed you Over, ya Jewish bastard.

I got too much writing to do, so I think I'll try to do that and do a real update later on.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 29


Road Films

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 6/10 6/10 Movie: Rain Man (1988)

I like the movie I just dont love it. Dustin Hoffman does a great job, but Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise in every movie. He's like a Barbie, heres Tom, here he is in the Navy, here he is driving cars, etc. But overall its a good movie and worth watching, and on to more quick reviews.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 28


China

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Once Upon a Time in China (1991)

Saw this one for the Crossing Borders festival. Great martial arts movie, and actually a really good story too. Some of the characters look the same, so there may be a little confusion, but once you realize who is who its a great movie.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 27

Tuesday, April 13, 2004


I'm the Easter Bunny Bitch!

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Hellboy (2004)

Finally saw it, good movie, really liked it, Im throwing up a couple of ratings and then i'll do a real update later

Rotten Tomatoes Post 26

Sunday, March 28, 2004


Story of my weekend

MOOD: Frustrated
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 6/10 6/10 Movie: Paris, Texas (1984)

So I saw Paris, Texas this week too for Road Films, but I didnt want to give it a review. Its ok, its interesting, but in the end I just didnt care. IF you want a good indie flick, no action, just plot and dialogue, pick it up, but really I just didnt care about it enough

Ok, so my week.....

1, there has been 5 fire alarms in the last 3 days. I am sick of it cuz it only happens when Im comfy in my bed watching TV. Fire alarms never happen like right when Im walking into my room and I still have my shoes on and everything. Or even better, when I'm not here.
2, The people I see during these fire drills that I didnt know live here. My house isnt that big but there are some people Ive never seen. Mostly cuz I hide in my room for the majority of the day. But today I got to meet 'Horse girl" Now Horse girl is on the equestrian team, but that is not how she got her name. And its not because she counts by clip clopping her feet on the ground. (good thing too, cuz that makes long division a bitch). No, its because she has teeth like a horse. They are just huge buck teeth that I would need to borrow if I ever wanted to build a house and needed a team of beavers to cut down the trees around it. Speaking of beaver, this girl wears the shortest and tightest clothes when she walks around in here. I couldnt stop looking, its just like hello boys pay no attention to my teeth, look at this butt. And what a butt it is. I want to eat her ass like an apple. Ok, maybe I should stop now.
3, Theres a blind guy on campus. Lets get the jokes out of the way now
Which one is he? Oh, hes the one with the cane/dog
Have you seen him? Well dont worry he hasnt seen you either.
Ok, now that thats done
He comes into Lehman to eat, one of the workers there helps him out, puts stuff on his tray, shit like that. Then she says, and I quote
"Would you like to sit here or in the TV room?"
Now.........
What kind of heartless person asks a blind guy if he wants to sit in the TV room? He's blind!!! You could tell him he's in the TV room and he would never know.
4, Yang has chicken hanging from the window. Not a whole chicken, just drumsticks. But the point is they are hanging from the window. 3 drumsticks hanging from a red kite string in the window. Im afraid to ask or else I might be the next hunk of meat hanging from the window.
5, I had to go to this Acapella concert last night. 3 hours of people singing without instruements
Couple things from this concert......
All of the girls wear black, and have to line up in a row. It ends up looking like fun house mirrors. Hey, Im thin, Im fat, I have dog ears
Why do gay guys, well not all, but a group of them, need to let Everyone know they're gay. I dont stand up in public and say, I Love Pussy! But this guy just made everyone know he was flaming. The best part was when this old guy just started watching him and shaking his head. He probably thought the same thing I did, boy I'd like to fuck that.
Lastly, theres another toothy girl that was singing last night. She just has jagged snaggle toothed mouth, and she has a boyfriend that she always talks about giving head to. I hope her boyfriend is a great white shark that is used to jagged teeth. That or he has a steel cock, the true Iron Giant.

Thats all I have for now. All this week is the Crossing Borders fest at Potsdam. So I'll have comments from movies, workshops, poetry recitals, and running into Ostrum every other minute. Laters!

Rotten Tomatoes Post 25


Movie Week Review 6

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: The Maltese Falcon (1941)

Dude, its the Maltese Falcon, how can it not get a 10? Just a great gritty crime drama. Hour and 40 minutes but there is so much in it that it seems like 3 hours of plot. Turns twists, and I finally know what is meant by the phrase razor sharp dialogue. Outstanding movie, so worth renting.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 24


Movie Week Review 5

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Avenging Force (1986)

Avenging Force

I used to love this movie on HBO back in 88 or so. Used to have nights where I would watch this along with Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon, Rad, and Monster Squad. Sadly the only one still on DVD or VHS is The Last Dragon, so I tracked down a copy of Avenging Force at Videorama in Potsdam. It stars the one and only Michael Dudikoff, star of such films as American Ninja, and American Ninja 2. Basic plot, a white supremist group wants to prevent a black man from becoming Senator and the whole plot takes place in New Orleans besides little moments in Texas. See Dudikoff kick white racists ass, white racists that wear masks all the time. Why masks? Well 1, its during Mardi Gras so if you dont have breasts or beads, you need a mask. 2, the group hunts people in the bayou, so the masks make it scarier. Hey its just a fun kick ass martial arts movie from the 80's whats not to love?

Rotten Tomatoes Post 23


Movie Week Review 4

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Undercover Brother (2002)

Undercover Brother

Ok, I know most of you have seen this, but I laughed my balls off. This is a great movie. Every 5 minutes at most I cant stop laughing. I hope this becomes a franchise and we can all look forward to more adventures of the Undercover Brother. And where the fuck did they dig up Doogie Howser from?

Rotten Tomatoes Post 22


Movie Week Review 3

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Identity (2003)

Identity

I already knew a lot of what would happen in this movie because I read a movie spoiler site. But there are still so many turns to the story. And even if you know whats going to happen theres still a lot of detail and turns you dont even see. Excellent movie. I cant say too much more without giving away a lot of the plot. Its only 90 minutes, its great, its worth owning on DVD, and its worth watching again to find out all the things you missed the first time.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 21


Movie Week Review 2

CURRENT RATINGS:
ROTTEN: 5/10 5/10 Movie: Wrong Turn (2003)

Wrong Turn

This goes the opposite way of the last review. With any hot chick (Eliza) start your review at 10, and take away a point every time something stupid happens. Now if I told you that one of the guys in this movie drives a car, climbs a 100 foot ladder, jumps to a tree, does a balancing act, and puts on a rousing display of the finale of Riverdance with the killer inbred rednecks, what would you assume? That he has 2 legs that work? Oh, but you would be wrong. He takes a bear trap or arrow or wild mongoose or something to his leg and needs to make a quick but useful crutch out of a sapling. Yet he somehow continues to kick serious JRC ass. There isnt anything original in the movie, the stoners and the kids that have sex, and the stoned fuck buddies, and the fuckin stoners are the first to die. And oh yeah, the prettiest people, and the people who arent dating when the movie starts will be the ones that dont die. Oh dont bitch like I ruined it, whoever is listed first in the cast is guaranteed not to die. The movie keeps its 5 cuz I have a serious jones for some Dushku cooter.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 20


Movie Week Review 1

CURRENT RATINGS:
ROTTEN: 3/10 3/10 Movie: A Night at the Roxbury (1998)

I watched a ton of movies this week, and I still have more movies to go, so lets do some quick reviews.

Night at the Roxbury

Wow, what an awful movie. I start at 0 and give one point for each thing I like.
1, Hot girls, and lots of them
2, Molly Shannon as a sex crazed cock lover. I need a Molly (laugh it up Matt!)
3, The entire plot is dependent on Richard Grieco. This is just too damn funny. He has done nothing that wasnt straight to video since 21 Jump Street. Does anyone who saw Roxbury remember the Jump? I'm old and even I barely remember it. This is before the Simpsons.
It's also before Will Ferell was really funny. Elf, Old School, comic gold. Roxbury, comic tin. Kevin, comic saran wrap

On to the next review.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 19

Wednesday, March 24, 2004


Ostrum part 2

MOOD: Sleepy

New Jeff Ostrum story of the day
So Jeff comes up to me and he says, hey do you know who (whatever the fuck the guy's name is) is?
Why no Jeff, I do not.
Oh well he used to sing for the Dead Kennedys
Ok, Ive heard of them
Well, he does spoken word tours now. He gives speeches all over the country, and we convinced the college to bring him here to talk.
Wow, Jeff, thats pretty cool. So when is it.
He's coming here May 1, and we have him booked for 5 hours.
Five hours? What the fuck do you have him here for five hours for?
Well, because he has a lot to say.

fuckin classic

Rotten Tomatoes Post 18


Quick Update

MOOD: A-OK
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 8/10 8/10 Movie: Secret Window (2004)

Oh wow, I have not written anything in here for quite some time. So on to the massive updates…

You ever notice that when a group of Asian people are together, their combined voices sounds like squirrel chitter chatter? Seriously, I thought that I was in the magical land of Narnia and the woods were speaking to me, but oh no, its just Boss and Mr. Foo speaking about the market's reaction to the dollar against the yen. That or anime tentacle porn, I’m a little rusty on my Chinese, could have gone either way.

Speaking of anime, I bought a new anime graphic novel (these are called manga) that I would tell you all about but none of you really give a shit. Other new items in my room include the Evanescence CD (great, 5 stars!), and 3 boxes of donuts from the Inn. Shoe is my pusher man.

Back to the Inn, last Saturday was the infamous milk drinking contest. And I threw up hard, for the first time in almost a year. I used to throw up like once a week. I used to have weekly meetings with my face and a spot of porcelin that usually supports my stank ass. But for some reason I no longer had frequent vomiting which is what made it so special when I yakked all over the grass outside the Inn. For those of you that missed out on the festivities don’t you worry, its all on tape.

Someone that I know wasn’t there that night but seems to know all about it is Potsdam’s own resident cock sucking queen. I think her name is Tiffany. She was friends with a girl that one of my friends used to date back in the day. Ok, Kurt. So anyways, Kurt dates this girl’s roomie. And what does he discover? That the girl likes to give head. Now I don’t mean likes it as in she gives her boyfriend blow jobs o’ plenty. I mean that she will suck anyone’s dick. You can walk into the place and she says, coffee, soda, or a juicy hummer? This wouldn’t be so bad if she was hot, but she looks like Roseanne after a serious obsession with piercing. Well luckily for me, Tiffany knows all about the milk drinking contest and has repeatedly came up to me to talk. I know I asked to be milked during the contest when I had a half gallon of 2% in my gut. But maybe I should’ve been more specific. Of course the real question is, do I say no if its offered because you know, she’s nasty? Or do I say yes just because it would be so funny to call up Kurt and say guess who just took my load? Such difficult decisions. This combined with hearing about the girl that only takes it up the ass, and takes it from everybody, makes me question my college’s sexual morals (orals?).

Matt and Buttcheeks keep wanting to do more contests with me. Here’s a contest boys, which one of you brings a girlfriend to wing night first. And they’re off!

My phone bill is paid, now I will once again have the joy of Kurt calling me up to say, “you’re gay!” and then hanging up. And I thought I had nothing to do, at least he does it when it’s past 9 for his cell bill.

Two bad things about Potsdam this week. Jersey Girl isn’t opening here on Friday, and porn takes a week to download.

Oh yeah, I saw Secret Window too. Good movie.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 17

Thursday, March 11, 2004


My Day at the Computers

MOOD: Ripe
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Celeb: Metallica

So, I hop on the computers in the library at school for a little while. I had to print things out so I decided to come here. I sit in the middle. To my left is an old gentleman thats just having trouble figuring out how to use e-mail. I tell him where to write the address, and how to click send, and things like that. Its no problem, I have patience. To my right however, is one Jeff Ostrum. Jeff is sporting the Jesus look, ironically paired with a death metal t shirt. I didnt know what death metal band was on the t-shirt, but when you see a bloody Ronald McDonald and bloody golden arches, well, you know its not a band from the Disney channel. So Jeff says hi, I'm sitting here reading wrestling news, (Brock Lesnar you're a fuckin quitter!) and some guy comes up and starts staring at Jeff. Just looks like a stupid frat guy, but he's staring at Toasty Osty. Then he points at Jeff's shirt and says, oh Macabe! See, the band is called Macabe, and its stylized like the McDonald's logo. So the convo goes...
Guy: Oh so youre Macabe?
Jeff: Oh yeah I am
Guy: Well how gory are you?
Jeff: Oh I'm gory, I'm the master of gory
Guy: I'm the master of puppets
Jeff: I am the master of everything
Guy: Yeah you are, ok, see you later

So somehow two guys who have never talked before are united through death metal in the oddest conversation I've ever heard in my life.
But thats all for now, I have to tell the old guy why he can't connect to cbs.com by clicking the instant message button.

Follow up....
This girl sits at the computer by Ostrum, and she knows him through class. She gets up and says "Jeff, make sure no one steals my computer" to which he replies, "Oh sure, I'll do things for you, just make sure you pay me later....in SweetTarts!"
What an odd fellow.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 16

Monday, March 08, 2004


Random Thoughts

MOOD: Bored
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Celeb: Richard Grieco

It’s been a while since I’ve done an update on here, ever since my night of 3 in a row. Oh I remember the last night I had 3 in a row. So tasty, so juicy, and they let me get super size fries too. So what have I been up to lately?

Slacked off in a couple classes, desperately trying to catch up on my readings. Its at this point that I wonder if I’m destined to teach or write over priced novels to sell at Borders. Of course these would have to be packaged as part of the Watertown collection along with the works of Kurt Hunt. That would be book ended with the autobiography of Richard Greico called, “Not only did I use to be on FOX, but I knew Johnny Depp,” and the smash sequel “When Yasmine realized that her career is more successful than mine”.

I thought I had mono a week ago. Turned out I was just really bored. But really, I felt tired and run down and didn’t want any of the food up here, then I remembered I’m in college and the cafeteria doesn’t use any products unless they sport the Food Club label.

There’s a possibility of me making a trip to California this year, depending on how this summer goes. Wait Kurt hasn’t been to CA yet, has he? I sense a disturbance in the force. I should take him with me as a travel companion, and because I make him look that much better. As long as I’m in CA I think I’ll go to San Francisco and round up 5 gay guys to give me a makeover. I’ll take a pass if they offer me a facial though.

I get to go home in a week, already have dining plans, drinking plans, mall walking plans, and of course watching WrestleMaina XX! Oh yeah, and it will be my mom’s 50th birthday too, but that’s not any big deal.

I didn’t watch any movies this weekend, read a couple comics and magazines, and books for class. There wasn’t anything good on TV, I really need this vacation.

Guts proved that there is nothing funnier than writing stuff when you’re drunk and pissed off. But I gotta ask you Guts, is the girl “smokey”?

I went to this weird feminist theater thing the other night. I Am Woman. Its like the Vagina Monologues but done by college kids and not on HBO. Honestly, as I was sitting there all I could think was, I can do better than this. I should write an I Am Man show. Just have dick and fart jokes but balance it out with well written emotional moments. Because really, isn’t that what I’m all about?

Alright, if you think you’re bored reading this, I’m bored writing it. I’ll be back when I have something worth writing.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 15

Wednesday, March 03, 2004


Kingdom Hospital review


This is one scary, odd show. Tonight was the 2 hour premier of the first Stephen King weekly TV show. Coincidently there were a lot of commercials for Stephen King's latest movie Secret Window. Hmmmmm. Anyways, the show's main character is taken to the hospital after being hit by a truck. A very spooky scene for 1, remembering a few years back when King himself was severely injured by a truck and 2, for some reason this guy's, I dont know, "spirit animal" is an anteater. A huge, clawed, big sharp toothed anteater. I never knew an anteater could be scary before. It's only the first (and second) episode of the show, and it's tough to see what is going to happen and where the story is going. There seems to be many different levels of reality. And some how the 2 mentally handicapped people that work in the kitchen seem to be on a higher up plane of reality and they know every event that is happening in the lives of everyone inside the hospital. There seems to be many different level of realities in the show. It's going to be a complicated show, and I dont think I could miss an episode without being completely lost the next week. This show needs to come out on DVD, just to make it easier to understand by watching it in one marathon sitting. Speaking of marathon sittings, me and Kurt will be watching Firefly at some point in 10 days or so. Anyone else that would like to watch a cancelled too soon space adventure show can contact Kurt and if he doesnt think youre a fuck, youre welcome to join us. Thats 3 updates today, so Im taking a break for now.... Later.

Comment by Guts:
3 UPDATES????


IN A ROW??????

Rotten Tomatoes Post 14

Lost in America review

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: Lost in America (1985)

Had to watch Lost in America today for my Road Films class. Starring Nemo’s dad himself, Albert Brooks. It was a good movie, some really funny parts, but it’s not that classic. It’s a comedic version of Easy Rider. Instead of finding freedom on motorcycles, Al and his wife find it by buying a Winnebago and driving it with no destination in sight. They’re just trying to drop out from society and go wherever life takes them. It’s tough to watch this movie and not think of one Ricky Leone. For one, the logo on the side of the Winnebago looks amazingly similar to one infamous Weezer ‘W’ tattoo. I just hope I’m at the Inn one night when Richard is called Bago. Second Ricky reference is when everything goes wrong for Al Brooks once he arrives in Vegas. And all of it over a woman. I would give the movie a 5 on its own, I enjoyed it but it wasn’t spectacular. However, just due to my amusement over references to Ricky, I’ll move it up to a 7.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 13


Review of The Passion

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: The Passion of the Christ (2004)

I saw The Passion of The Christ tonight. Excellent movie. For those of you, like me, that went to Catholic school, and then became disenfranchised with all of religion (or watched Dogma and had a revelation) then the Passion is for you. The story of Jesus is not this pretty little movie that they usually showed us in school when teacher had a hangover. Damn that Mrs. Percy liked the sauce. And what I never realized before is somehow in all those previous scenes Jesus is on the cross with gleaming white teeth, hair styled, and make up on too. Yet he’s suffering. This film is brutally honest. Lets look at Jesus’ day planner from that week. Thursday: dinner with 12, no, 11 friends. Friday: death. Saturday: Free all the just souls from hell. Sunday: be reborn. Now that’s a pretty intense schedule. And I bitch about waking up in time for classes. But no where on there do I see, get a Botox injection, or have myself a Queer Eye make over day. This movie is bloody, violent, and true. I’m not saying you have to believe in God and everything the Church teaches. I don’t even believe everything. But Jesus lived. Fact. And he was crucified. Fact. This movie, short of an appearance from the Golgothan, shows everything honestly. There is a scene when Jesus is getting whipped that had the entire theater flinch in pain at once. The last time I saw that was when Morpheus spiked his head off of the toilet in the first Matrix movie. A smarter man could draw parallels between Neo and Jesus. Well not necessarily a smarter man, just a man who thinks his friends would give a shit and want to read that. Personally, I believe in God and Jesus, I just don’t believe in the Church. God is infallible, people aren’t. See the movie as just a movie, see it as art, or see it to remember what one Man did before the right wing messed it up. I have to give this movie 10 stars, cuz hey, its Jesus.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 12

Wednesday, February 25, 2004


Kevin Smith is evil

CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: Chasing Amy (1997)

So I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan. Anything he does I'll watch read, shove up my ass, whatever. Which is why I wanted to share this with you.

Need a good laugh? Here's a very amusing e-mail recently sent to The Tonight Show demanding that Kevin be banned from doing his ROADSIDE ATTRACTIONS segments:

* To Whom It May Concern, I am a representative/agent writing on behalf of Vice-President Dick Cheney and his wife Lynn. Included below is a petition of thousands of hardworking Americans who want to see filmmaker Kevin Smith banned from the Tonight Show. To put it mildly, we are outaged that Jay Leno allows the anti-Catholic, vulgar mouthed filmmaker Kevin Smith to appear on his show as a "Roadside Attraction". Kevin Smith is the maker of films like Clerks and Chasing Amy where he promotes promiscuity, homosexuality, anti-American sentiment and the destruction of the Catholic church. In Smith's film "Dogma" he calls Jesus Christ "a ni***r", makes the lead character the daughter of Christ (suggesting Christ had children!) and makes fun of religious people everywhere. We demand that you ban Kevin Smith from every appearing on the tonight show again. If you do not then we will urge the President not to appear on the Tonight this upcoming election year. We will also do our ! best to convince sponsors of the Tonight Show to drop their sponsorship of the Tonight Show. Kevin Smith is not even a popular celebrity, so Jay Leno can drop Kevin from the show without losing any ratings.

I also have a new picture up today. If you can get references to Clerks then you'll enjoy the pic. Until later true believers!

Rotten Tomatoes Post 11

Tuesday, February 17, 2004


Jon Smith

MOOD: Confused

When people think of characters they think of Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny. Visually interesting "people" with distinct voices that do or say things that no one else could get away with. I would add Jon Smith to that list. Jon was an acquired taste. He drove customers nuts and at times drove his fellow employees nuts, but he was always someone you wanted around. He made your day much more interesting. First of every month was entertaining. Jon would get upset over the amount of welfare customers in the store. Usually because he had to pick up after them. He would come up to you and say, "You know why the store is so trashed tonight? Because of all of those (looks around as if he cares, gets real quiet), all of those niggers in here." He would always get caught saying this too. Usually by Ky. JON! You cant say that! "I'm sorry Miss Vollmer, but its true, there have been so many niggers in the store today....." And then he would follow her around the store making her wish she never opened her mouth. Jon was always looking out for us boys at the store too. (Me, Kurt, Matt, etc) why dont you go out with (insert name of any girl at TJ Maxx) Hey, if Jon wasnt going to be messing with them, he wanted one of us to be. He liked to share too. I remember sitting in the back talking to Kelly about STD's for some reason and Jon leaned back and said, "I had gonnorhea once." Theres really no follow up to hearing that comment. He always had words of wisdom for Lisa Harveys children, usually involving heavily sedating them. He always told us how hard he would fuck, well whoever you named. Granted, I thought it, but dammit he said it. The Original Shady Old Guy. Jon, thanks for sharing.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 10

Friday, February 13, 2004


Apology

MOOD: Eek!

I would like to take this forum to publicly apologize to one Kurt Hunt for my stupidity. See, when I moved back to school I accidently left the bag with all my toiletries (shampoo, shit like that) in his trunk. Now, I thought I said something about it to him or Matt when I remembered it the next day, but I guess not. So, thinking (wrongly) that I had told him about it, I never mentioned anything about it since. 3 weeks of cold weather went by and what do you think happened? Sure as shit, the thing broke and leaked out. Well I feel like an ass, and I'll pay to have it cleaned, cuz really it is my own fault for being stupid. But I would like this to be used as a fable for others, dont forget your stuff kids! And if you do, make sure someone knows you forgot it, so they can take care of it before its too late. Well, I just wanted you all to have a nice stupid story of me cuz really, theres not enough of them.

Comment from Kurt:
Well I hope you learned your lesson! When you get a car, I'm going to make sure I leave paint cans in the back seat, without the tops on.

No, its clean, and I got a sweet toothbrush outta the deal! Oh, did you use that?

Rotten Tomatoes Post 9


If he has a girlfriend....?

MOOD: Confused
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Have you ever seen two people, and the girl is far far prettier than what the guy deserves? Like the girl could be on the cover of Maxim and the guy looks like Nick Nolte's mug shot? Well today I was watching MTV Cribs.... Shannon Elizabeth. Now if you've seen this episode you know what I'm talking about. For those that havnt, picture Shannon, damn shes hot. How many times have we seen that scene in American Pie where shes standing in all her naked gloriousness. Or nakedness glory. Shes even more beautiful in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Instant hot, take an already hot girl and add tight black leather, also see Carrie Anne Moss and that chick from Underworld. Anyways, shes beautiful, but the guy shes married to! He's done nothing, but on Cribs they show his stuff too. And whats his stuff? Mixing room? Entertainment system? No! Its a pyramid of Krispy Kreme boxes and Starbucks coffee cups. You fat fuck! If you've ever seen the porno from Kazaa where the petite girl does a hand stand while getting plowed by a hairy tatooed guy (no not Ricky) then I swear you've seen her boyfriend. Which brings me to, how is he banging Shannon Elizabeth and I'm sitting here typing this. Well, its one of two things, either he has money, which I have none, or he has a big crank, which I do too, but isnt publicly known...... yet. Anyways, I just felt like venting on fat dumb fucks with hot girlfriends, because one day someone will have the same complaint about me.

Comment from Kurt:
you have far too much time on your hands

Rotten Tomatoes Post 8

Tuesday, February 10, 2004


What am I doing lately?

MOOD: Ripe
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 7/10 7/10 Movie: 28 Days Later (2003)

As you can see above, I saw 28 Days Later recently. I dont know why, but I've watched a lot of zombie movies lately. I have Night of the Living Dead on DVD but havnt watched it yet. And I cant wait for Shaun of the Dead. Anyways, 28 Days Later isnt just a zombie movie. I think its closer to being like Se7en. The zombies are rage, but then you have lust and sloth and everything else. Its not exact, but I think its trying to say you dont have to be one of these zombies to be a monster. And no one is perfect, no one escapes without some blood on their hands. Well maybe the girl, but shes pretty fucked up towards the end.
Im going to see about being an RA next semester. You'll know which hall is mine because I'm going to use DragonBall Z cards for peoples name tags on the doors.
So Kurts written near 50 pages for his book. I guess the gauntlet has been thrown down, now am I going to pick it up and run with it like a stolen pizza? Or am I going to be lazy and let it lie there like so many pairs of socks? Who knows.

Actual convo the other night. I go by my RA's room and some girl is in there and they're studying. I assume Psych based on the convo, which went something like this.
Girl: So then Freud published his beliefs on fellatio...
Mikael (RA): What is fellatio?
Me (as I'm walking by): Maybe if you ask her nicely she'll show you!

Aint I a fuck?

Comments from Kurt:
Gasp! An update!
a fuck? your fucking gay

guess who? yeah the guys you left your bathroom shit in his trunk and never told him and until he found out it burst the other day

Rotten Tomatoes Post 7

Wednesday, February 04, 2004


Movies for Classes


I was going to do this as a list, but the way to do it on here takes too long when you have slow internet.
So these are the books I have to watch for my Road Films class

Heart Beat
Easy Rider
Bonnie & Clyde
Paris, Texas
Lost in America
Rain Man
Thelma and Louise
Lolita
My Own Private Idaho
Smoke Signals

And these two are for my Mythology class

Dogma
Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

Sounds like a good semester.

Comment from Guts:
I have heard a lot of good things about Lost in America....why is Lolita on there??? I was not aware that was a road movie, although I admittedy have never seen it.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 6


Tired


So the other night (Monday night) I was way too tired and just could not fall asleep, so I flipped through the channels to find something that wasnt a late night talk show repeat. Luckily for me AMC was playing Army of Darkness. Now Bruce Campbell is so the man. Not everyone could pull off a comedy/horror but he does it without trying. Its just such a great movie, right up there with Evil Dead 2 (and the soundtrack kicks fuckin ass). When the movie ended, I was tired, but not quite enough to fall asleep, so I thought another couple minutes of TV watching would help me pass out. But the next movie was Jaws 2. Man, I havnt seen that movie in years. What a shitty shark movie, and there are lots of shitty shark movies. Jaws (Bruce the Shark) is not a thinking killer or zombie or spirit. Freddy vs Jaws would not work. But in this movie, the descendent of Jaws I seeks revenge on the Brody family, who for some ignorant reason now hate sharks, but still live on a island. Of course, as said in the first movie, "its only an island if you look at it from the water." Or something like that. But sharks dont take things personal and seek out one specific family. These are not super smart sharks, if they were LL Cool J would make a song about them. (Deepest, bluest, my head is like a sharks fin). Anyways, back to Jaws 2: Electric Boogaloo. Its shit, but its still better than Jaws 3-D and Jaws 4: Watch Michael Caine climb out of the water with a dry, ironed shirt on. So after watching Jaws 2, I was too awake to fall asleep, luckily I had a Sly Stallone movie up next to keep me awake. And what better Classic then Death Race 2000. Now this is a shitty movie. In a post apocalyptic future (cuz really, is there any other kind?) the main sport in the US is a once a year car race. The way to win the race is to kill as many people as possible on your trip from point A to point B. Old people and children are worth more, as they should be. Throw in a corrupt president, a resistance movement, a spy, and you still have a shitty movie. The star of which is Frankenstein, the only driver to survive 2 previous Death Races. Im sure when the movie was written there was something to be said about society and its obsession with violent sporting events. But any of these points had to be edited for the most important thing in a script, more explosions! But anyways, that was my movie night, how was yours?

Comment from Guts:
its Deepest Bluest....my HAND is like a shark's fin

why the fuck would someone's HEAD be like a sharks fin???

Rotten Tomatoes Post 5

Road Films

MOOD: A-OK

So I'm taking a Intro to Film: Road Film class this semester. Every Wednesday we watch a movie about travels on the road and then discuss it and what it means in the big picture of literature. Dont worry Guts, I'll have a list of all the films later, I just dont feel like digging out the sylabus right now. So the first film was Heart Beat, starring a young and combed Nick Nolte. This is a movie about Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady, the author and the inspiration behind the classic novel "On the Road" The book has too much in it to actually make a good movie, so this movie takes scenes from the movie, plus tales from the biographies of both men to show their journey. Jack wants only to write and to have something to write about. Neal is driven by pussy, and getting loaded and high. Between the two of them they live life to the fullest, screw people over, become famous, become assholes, and then have a nice little happy ending. Now I know it may be hard for some of you reading this to picture two friends, one thats quiet and one thats driven by excess, having adventures together, but please, try to keep an open mind. Its a quiet little movie, not one I would run out and buy, but if its on TV check it out. However the book is where the story really is, and whenever I finish it I'll have a review up for you. Oh I know you just cant wait!

Rotten Tomatoes Post 4

Thursday, January 22, 2004


Weird dreams

MOOD: Fearful

So last night I had all these zombie dreams. I was looking at Dawn of the Dead and things like that at Borders. When I feel asleep it was like a world combining Maxx Payne 2, Resident Evil and Watertown. Well, Resident Evil and Watertown are known for having lots of people that dont realize theyre already dead. So I guess the dream makes sense. It was me and some other crew of people trying to kill the zombies, but I had no weapon. So instead Im throwing pipes and wood and all this other crap lying around at them. I woke up before I saw if I lived or died, which I guess is good, because youre not supposed to die in dreams. As proven in Nightmare on Elm Street. Which, FYI, Elm Street is an acutal street in my home away from home of Potsdam NY. So you may say whatever, but it is The Elm Street. Some shit went down there years and years ago and the original writer of Elm Street based the story of Freddy on it. I think I'm done rambling today, I'll be back with more comments later.

Rotten Tomatoes Post 3

So I was wrong

MOOD: Confused

So it has come to my attention that my first journal entry was wrong. Alaska is the 49th state, not the 50th. Hawaii is small but has lots of hot girls wearing next to nothing, beautiful scenery and lots of beaches. And fuckin volcanoes. Alaska has snow snow, eskimos, Guts and lots and lots of empty space of land. Oh yeah, and a pack of Vampires too. Go read 30 Days of Night. Type it in on Amazon or something, great book. So heres to the 49th state. Official motto, "Hey! We were here before Hawaii."

Rotten Tomatoes Post 2


What did I do tonight?

MOOD: Ripe
CURRENT RATINGS:
FRESH: 10/10 10/10 Movie: Big Fish (2003)

It is, oh, Weds night/Thurs morning for 1/21 1/22 and around 2AM Thurs, so what did I do tonight? Lets see I woke up around noon, showered, dressed all that good stuff and went out to Sams Club to buy a new computer. Its a cool thing, better than the one I have at home. Having a computer is one of those penis extending moments. Its like yeah I have something cool. And yes, I have had those moments before. Ass. No, I dont remember when, but they're there, oh yes, they are. So I came home and screwed around by the computer. And by screw around I mean played CKY2K. Classic movie, if you can call it a movie. Let's see I had a little dinner then went to the mall with Kurt and Matt. Nothing too exciting there, cuz hey, its the mall. But theres no where else to go unless I felt like getting crushed. So we left the mall, checked out Staples and Matt bought a new keyboard after his mom had spilled something on it, ohhh, about a year ago. Lets hear it for punctuality! We ran into Alans girlfriend Rebecca there. Watch out Alan! Not for me of course, yeah she would, yeah, she'd turn me down in a second. Like right now. So we left there, watched Smallville and Angel and I read the Fray graphic novel by Joss Whedon. Excellent book, I was impressed. Matt fell asleep in the chair so of course the best way to wake him up is to have my ass hanging out in front of his face and then hit him. Oh what a way to start a morning. I think I'll now call my buttocks Folgers cuz its a real eye opener. Matt was playing with his new jacket, ohhhh, its got 2 zippers, well aint that some shit. So I felt like a fool after I laughed at his "broken jacket". Oh its not broken, its just 2 zippers, oh haha. Yeah, see, it really isnt that funny. But a broken jacket wouldve been. After that it was South Park and the Chappelle Show then back to here where this is all Ive done all night. Quite the life isnt it? Party down all!

Anyways, this has become long and ridiculous, much like a horse penis. So thats all for tonight.

The first of the old rottentomatoes.com posts. There's a lot of them, but I want to save them. For those of you that want to see these posts in their original form it is: Rotten Tomatoes: The Vine: Shady Vision


First Entry

MOOD: Moldy

What a ridiculous thing. It says pick a mood, so I chose moldy. Who the hell feels moldy? I know I'm called cheese, but moldy? My socks are moldy. So yeah, Guts, Mr 50th state, had to start one of these and lay down the gaunlet so I feel compelled to write whatever horseshit comes to mind. And I do have a dangerous mind.
Remember Gauntlet? Man that was some shit. You could be any of the 4 characters and play it on old school nintendo. And what was with it being from a different company? It was not an official nintendo cartridge but you played it on nintendo. So then why the hell wasnt it an official cartridge? What other machine could you possibly play it on?
And remember Dangerous Minds? For like a year that movie was the shit, and then finally people were sick of the damn Coolio song and no one talked about the movie anymore. Now its one of those movies the local stations play at 3am instead of color bars.
Allright, thats enough rambling for my first one. Lets see how many I do this time, cuz I seem to abandon sites like, like I abandoned paying for pizza at little ceasars? Ah, thats the best one I got for now

Guts replied to this with:
Alaska is the 49th state.....50th would be Hawaii

Wow, so I totally forgot that I had even made this blog. I was sitting here, over two years later, thinking I should make a blog. Funny how I can be so forgetful and yet drug free. Anyways, I have a lot to add, so welcome back everyone!